Ready

[Justina]

Hello.
I feel I don´t have anyhthing to "report" today. I have had a busy weekend but I have noticed that something is different, feelings of restfulness, ease and more of a flow in things even. The story of me has not been going on so strong as it used to. More quiet. I find moments to look even when busy, It comes by itself.

[SeeEye]

Good feelings may come, along with changes in perception as you are working on this.

I can't let you stay with the state and come up short of seeing through direct experience though, so let me know how you are working on the seeing and what is happening.

[Justina]

I notice that the perception is different, but it goes "back and forth" . I can look at my hands and have no story about them being my hands or a me walking. Just amazment of what is this. Stuff like that. I also noticed today I had a old drama coming up and there was so much anger. But just anger, nothing personal about it and just like it came it was gone again. Nothing hanging on to it. It is like the emotions just come and go" naturally". It seems like things are "happening", but still not "there" I would say.
And also not relating things back to a me like before, not this ongoing story telling about me, my life etc. It comes up, but less conviction.
I keep looking.

[Justina]

Today I just feel "neutral or nothing", like there is a loss of interest in all of this seeking for self or no self. No "motivation". Thoughts like "I don´t know what more to do".

[SeeEye]

Let it sit for a while.

When you realize, you will know it.

Even in not seeking, is there a "me" inside?

[Justina]

Ok. Thank you.

No, there is no me in not seeking.

[Justina]

Checking in to say Hello. Things are pretty much the same, it has deepened but no "aha moment" yet. I keep looking, even happens in sleep when dreaming.

[SeeEye]

What has deepened? We aren't looking to deepen the state, but for direct realization. States will come and go. Sometimes people see then aren't sure, and there own realization deepens. Nothing to attain, no one to give it to.

What is your "self"? Do you have one? How do you know?

[Justina]

Hi. Sorry i was a bit vague. What i with deepened Was that there is less sense of self,less identifikation with thoughts,feelings and body. I also experience more precense because mind is not busy with telling stories absolut this me or the future. There is sense of ease and openess when mind or thoughts are not focused on these things. I did notice there Was still expectasions Lurking so i sat with this and wrote it all down again.

"What is your "self"? Do you have one? How do you know?"

I don't know, i can't find it, it isnt't there . The mind gets very confused and i get burning sensations in the cheast. But when looking at these sensations they are just there, empty, nothing behind.
Do i have a self? No,i don't know who it is that has anything, i can't find the who, or the self. I don't know, knowing or not knowing is just there. Mind feels totaly Blown out from this, feels like i can't think straight.

[Justina]

Wow, now there is almost feeling of embarrassment. It´s kind of ridiculous now seeing I have never questioned where this I has been pointing to. That it was just assumed without question that there was this I behind all of it. But it really isn´t, right? It´s funny in a sad way.

[Justina]

So, what was seen was that the I, me, myself didn´t point to anything. I was taking another look on the "experiencer" and did some questioning and wrote it all down. In this it was seen that there is no one seeing, no one experiencing. This time it was not intellectual, I saw that it was pointing to nothing. I is just a thought, it doesn´t mean anything.
It doesn´t matter how the story goes, the me can not be real. This felt comic, but also sad. After this mind and body just goes along doing it´s things. Nothing has changed. All storys and conditioning is still in place.
What is seen and experienced is pretty much the same as the last couple of days, but the distance of what is seen and heard that this thoughts of "me seeing, me hearing, me feeling" made to something distant seems to have faded.
Something like that. Is that it? really? Isn´t something missing? is it not fully seen throu? I do see that there couldn´t possibly be a me, or could ever have been. Just thoughts about it.

[SeeEye]

Something like that. Is that it? really? Isn´t something missing? is it not fully seen throu? I do see that there couldn´t possibly be a me, or could ever have been. Just thoughts about it.

What is missing? Who is measuring more or less?

Old zen masters used to say "What a turd that was".

Let it settle in, and we can go from there.

You see the focus here on dropping expectations now?

[Justina]

What is missing? Who is measuring more or less?

Old zen masters used to say "What a turd that was".

Let it settle in, and we can go from there.

You see the focus here on dropping expectations now?

No, nothing missing. There is thoughts saying something missing and keeps the movement of searching going.

I don´t know what this means "what a turd that was".

Yes, I see that now.

I´ll let it settle in.

[SeeEye]

Hi Justina...

So is this it??

So, what was seen was that the I, me, myself didn´t point to anything. I was taking another look on the "experiencer" and did some questioning and wrote it all down. In this it was seen that there is no one seeing, no one experiencing. This time it was not intellectual, I saw that it was pointing to nothing. I is just a thought, it doesn´t mean anything.
It doesn´t matter how the story goes, the me can not be real. This felt comic, but also sad. After this mind and body just goes along doing it´s things. Nothing has changed. All storys and conditioning is still in place.
What is seen and experienced is pretty much the same as the last couple of days, but the distance of what is seen and heard that this thoughts of "me seeing, me hearing, me feeling" made to something distant seems to have faded.

Let me know how you are doing. You're right, it isn't intellectual, it is a realization like "Oh, there are the keys I've been looking for"....something like that for you?

[Justina]

No, it wasn't intellectual. It Was obvious that the "i" Was not there at all. i don't know how to what or how this seeing has affected anything, it feels very subtle. Has been alot going on, and i have some trouble describing it in words. Reality seems to be deconstructing in some way. there is an intimacy and directness in experience when it is not filtered by this i.