Realisation please. Thank you

[Adi]

Hi Stacy,

I'd like for you to reread your entire thread, beginning to end. Commit to ignoring mere beliefs which are made up thoughts & commit to SEEING.

I have. SO many words... I forgot some of these. I also had the chance to watch your videos with Luchana.
Was interesting to hear about both your experiences and generally.

Yes. I am committed to ignoring my beliefs. I am committed to seeing.
Thank you!

Much love
Adi

[Anastacia42]

From my friend, Judy Cohen's "Mind Tickler"

So here’s the weird thing about the non-dual scene.

Well, there are many weird things of course, but one of them is…

It’s full of mythology. Mythology that persists no matter what we see, hear or learn that contradicts it.

For instance, Alan Watts: “I have never yet met a saint or sage who did not have some human frailties.”

You realize what that quote means, right?

It means that even after enlightenment, whatever that is or isn’t…

Humanness persists. Even saints and sages keep desiring, drinking, smoking, having naughty sex, and, heaven forbid, reacting unblissfully.

Of course this can be shocking when so many insist that it's possible to become more than human. Although.... where does the human disappear to, Bermuda? But I digress.

In addition to being deliberately fed this dream, we might be forgiven for wishing for perfection, simply because the story is so appealing.

Most seekers are devoted to the myth of constant calm no matter what.

Even though the untruth of that story has been revealed many times. And even when wise ones have supported this myth, all one needs to do is look at their personal off-stage life to see the contrast between words and deeds.

But teachers from Buddha on up who have written some version of, “Nothing changes after enlightenment?"

They mean it.

Rupert: "Do not mistake bliss for awareness- it comes and goes; it's not always there."

The honest ones essentially say, “Yes I have had experiences and still, this personality is here. I still feel things, I still think things, I’m still 'me'.”

Anthony de Mello: “Before enlightenment, I used to be depressed; after enlightenment, I continue to be depressed.“

And yet, it seems we’d prefer to think, “If I do everything right and get more present and see through the illusion of self, I will no longer be this messed up person. I will no longer be not good enough or unlovable or a failure. I will no longer get angry. I’ll only be peaceful, blissful and content at all times for ever and ever, amen.”

Not that it’s so terrible that people are seeking a unicorn. It's just that this set up keeps us chasing and dissatisfied, forever.

Adyashanti: “Most people think enlightenment is like an unending satori experience. But that misunderstanding will get you to do more ‘tail chasing’ than you ever dreamed possible. In the end enlightenment has very little to do with enlightenment experiences. It is simply not perceiving through the lens of ego.”

I mean, yes, maybe here and there we get lucky and some overt quirk of personality shifts, so that maybe we stop drinking for example, but basically, whatever that personality is, it remains.

Which is why we don’t mix up Adyashanti with Krishnamurti or Rupert. We recognize one from the other.

Because each of their unique, identifiable personalities continues.

So is it possible to be OK with that? Is it possible to set aside all our dreams, and stop chasing an idealized fantasy life?

Byron Katie: "There is no permanent state of clarity. We don't wake up forever. We wake up only now. People have these wonderful experiences of spiritual opening, and that's not it. As soon as they think, "I want this to last forever," they've moved into a future and lost the reality. THIS is it, right now. It's that simple. Only this exists."

Hopefully yes. Because trying to be MORE brings perpetual seeking, self-blame, and failure-ridden, misery-inducing, non-stop personal inadequacy.

Not to mention a drained bank account and crushed dreams.

Joan Tollifson: “Ultimately it is recognized that boundlessness is equally present as tension, contraction, dullness, boredom, depression, anxiety, restlessness, agitation, anger, worry, upset, addiction, and all other forms of overcast, cloudy, turbulent or stormy weather. Nothing is left out. Waking up is not a perpetually sunny day.”

Now right about here, you might say, “I’m not there yet.”

But of course you are. There is no “there,” and every one of us is here.

Where else can you be?

This is it. Right here. Here it is, and tag, you are already it. There’s nothing more to get.

Yes you’ve heard and read that many times before, here in The Mind-Tickler and everywhere else.

Tony Parsons: "You are already that which is. But your mind is frightened to let go and still has an idea that something special should happen."

But the pull of myth and dream is strong.

So even if you're lucky enough to finally see this… what now?

What happens to life when it isn’t chock full of improving, or watching to see what self shouldn’t be doing, or constantly checking to see what is lacking? Is it possible to live without trying to change, adjust, correct or fix?

Alan Watts: "There is never anything to be gained, though the zest of the game is to pretend that there is."

What does it even look like when relationships hit triggers, when things feel utterly sad, when anxiety shows up in the night, if it’s actually understood that this existence, as it is, is it?

Tim Freke: “My life isn’t always perfect; it’s full of highs and lows, just as I suspect your life is. We share the same dilemmas. … I’ve fallen in love with my tender, vulnerable, wounded humanity, just as it is, in all its glorious ambiguity. I’ve fallen in love with my wonderful, terrifying, everyday life, in all its bittersweet splendour.”

And yes, dreaming and pining for something better is also ‘it”, and of course be my guest. Though it does kind of suck.

Since, even more than the inevitable unhappiness, myth-chasing actually keeps us from what we’re seeking.

Because when we simply notice that ‘bettering’ is going on, something happens.

Right behind that first disbelieving response: “No! This can’t be it! It’s not ok as is! Then what’s the point? Why get out of bed? Noooooo….”

There might be, surprisingly… something else. Something that’s not dependent on fixing things in order to be happy.

Something now. Something here. Something this.

Jeff Foster: “Nothing changes [after enlightenment.] Eat, shit, grow old. Get cancer. Scream in pain in the middle of the night. None of that stops. This isn't about living in some New Age fantasy world. This isn't about taking on comforting concepts. This is reality at its most raw. Nothing can be blocked out anymore. It's the end of control. It's a love affair with what is.”

That's a not-mythological presence which, astonishingly,

might just be what we’ve been chasing all along.

Here already.

Just like they’ve been saying.


Click here to catch up on past Mind Ticklers you may have missed.
Click here to get your Mind-Tickled every week.

[Adi]

Hi Stacy,

This is bizarre, I answered this post yesterday and now it's not here. Not sure why. Maybe I previewed it without sending?
I wrote that I liked the point of not mixing two realised beings and that I tend to impose one realisation experience on everything. I am not sure where this is gone, but anyway, thanks for sending this, it's brilliant.

I feel more still within myself. I feel less "bouncy".
Have been listening to the recordings and doing the track back thought today, to the place where thoughts arise from and resting there. It felt spacious, quiet.
Also I find that when I sit quietly I feel quiet.
Thank you.

Much love
Adi

[Anastacia42]

That all sounds great.

Given the article from Judy, have you seen? Can you say there is no separate "self?" If so, how does it FEEL?

Have you done "Where Is I?"

Loving,

[Adi]

Given the article from Judy, have you seen? Can you say there is no separate "self?" If so, how does it FEEL?

Not yet. Didn’t see. When I am quiet it’s quiet, when I’m at work I don’t have this quiet feeling but it feels ok. I still judge a lot and feel anger and fear, but when I’m alone and sit quietly it’s quiet and it feels good, peaceful and free.
I’ll keep practicing.

Have you done "Where Is I?"

Last round of listening to the recordings, I have. I’m doing it in its order so I’ll get to this track in the coming days.
Thank you.
Much love
Adi

[Anastacia42]

Hi Adi,

This could be seeing:

It felt spacious, quiet.

I wish I felt like going through all of your posts and pulling out all the quotes that show you ARE seeing -particularly that day you posted that the colors were vivid on your walk. But others also.

I can't understand why you continue to deny it.

You've been shown that it is not going to be 24/7.

I have no idea what is missing, so I have no idea how to point you to whatever it is you're looking for.

All I can say is keep doing the exercises and let me know if whatever it is shows up.

Much love

[Anastacia42]

September 20

when tried to imagine no difference between my outside and inside it felt like there was only breathing, I was not there. It felt again a bit weird but 'fun' I guess is a word that comes to mind. Spacious, maybe.

September 22

There is nothing but sensation and space, so it feels, for this period of time when the mind is not involved and only sensations are active. Seems like these sensations are merged in space, that they are space.

September 23

It feels good, it feels very free.

I can’t say I’m “seeking” I’m more letting things be

September 27

the feeling was so vivid and changed the way I looked at those experiences and objects. I felt that the object was only the qualities I felt attached to it, it has no meaning without them. It could be any object, it did not have an identity of its own without the qualities.

October 1

there’s no sense in the feeling of I. It’s mind only, I find. It cannot be located

October 11

Direct experience with the senses makes me feel free. There’s only smelling when I’m checking smelling, only tasting etc.

October 12

Can you See, Hear, Feel, Smell or Taste this supposed "self?"
I cannot, no.

October 18!!!!!

I was walking this morning while doing the DE senses exercise and the senses felt vivid. Not sure if that has to do with anything, maybe my focus on them without the mind makes them stand out more to me. It just felt different. More "alive".

October 20
it felt like peace itself was breathing in and out and I was not there. It felt very spacious

October 23

am reading Gateless Gate Crashers and again using those questions for me. There is no I to be found

October 25

No. The hearer would only be a thought.

October 27


I was chopping a carrot today and used my senses for DE, it felt one dimensional . I was looking at the orange colour of it, and the sound of the bowl when I put it on the surface, stirred it all. And again when I was washing up. Pink of the gloves and then the sound of the water. Each is very concentrated , solid "stream"

November 4

feel more still within myself. I feel less "bouncy".
Have been listening to the recordings and doing the track back thought today, to the place where thoughts arise from and resting there. It felt spacious, quiet.

Adi,

All of these descriptions are seeing. I cannot understand why you're still unsatisfied. I have no idea what to offer you next except to keep practicing.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Hi again,

still judge a lot and feel anger and fear

Yes. That will continue. It does not mean you have not seen.

You've got to stop doubting that you've seen. I did take the time to go through and show you all of the places that you told me you have seen. Yes, it comes and goes.

I can't make you believe you're seeing.

Loving,

[Adi]

Hi Stacy,

Thanks so much for going through it all!

You've got to stop doubting that you've seen. I did take the time to go through and show you all of the places that you told me you have seen. Yes, it comes and goes.

If that what seeing is then yes! I have seen.
I guess I had a different assumption. Thanks so much for clarifying.

What's now? Is this it?
Thanks again

Much love
Adi

[Anastacia42]

First, what was your "different assumption?" I've said you had unrealistic expectations. Let's make sure those are dissipated.

Then, there are what we call "final" questions. You'll answer those. They may show places you need further guiding. Then I'll share them with other guides who may have questions.

So tell me - what were you expecting?

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Are you still following Ilona & Jim?

https://youtu.be/lwOC5nJodV8

Loving,

[Adi]

So tell me - what were you expecting?

Not to have rage or be offended by anything. If a separate self does not exist, then why should anything upset me, if I have nothing to identify with. That what I was expected.
In other words I expected that I'll be in total acceptance of everything that is, as a default at at all times. I understand now that it doesn't "bleach" those daily life "stains" and that is part of acceptance.

Much love
Adi

[Anastacia42]

Right. Those things will still come up. The Work is best for finding out whether your rage thoughts are true. Find a partner or a facilitator. That will help.

Okay... ready to attempt final questions? These may just show what we still need to look at.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Loving,

[Adi]

Hi Stacy,
Thanks.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there is no personal entity such as personal self, I, Me etc. There never was.

2)

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now

.The self is a thought. It has nothing to do with who I am. The self that I believed as a personal self is a story, a construct that has no reality. It is no more than a character in a book.

3)

How does it feel to see this?

It feels free and alive.

What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

I am not sure. Perhaps more grounded feeling. Less following thoughts and stories and more matter of fact kind of experience. What's here instead of a mind creating a scene. A feeling that it's ok. A more balanced and ok being.

4)

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I don't think it's one thing. I guess looking everyday has its affect. Practicing Direct experience often. Reporting back, which makes one truly looks. Back and forth. Looking constantly, mainly I think.

5)

Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

Not sure I understand the questions. None of those things to define exist, as there is no I. There is only a happening by itself. No one makes no decision or chooses anything.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

Things happen. I don't know how they do. No one decides for anything to happen.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

If I'm honest, I cannot find anything I am responsible for. Things happen with or without "my consent" or decision.

6) Anything to add?

No, thank you.

Much love
Adi

[Anastacia42]

Perfect, Adi. I will share these with other guides, who may have questions. Watch your PMs for notices.

Much love,