Hi Mary,
Sorry it took so long to reply to your post, but I couldn't find a quiet moment to investigate in these last few days.
It is ok, no worries. Sometimes it is like that.
I notice movements, I notices thougths describing what is going on, but I can't find a self that is separated from the body that moves it and controls it. It is really automatic in this sense. Moreover, the fact that the body takes care of so many things without the need to think about it or refer to a "self" makes me quite confident to say that the self is not in charge of the process.
You did a very good looking.
It seems there is a tendency towards tea over coffee that is influenced by some evaluations that come up. But "I" am not choosing what comes up. There are thoughts about the fact that more caffeine might make me nervous/tense and also that tea is generally healthier. These thoughts come up spontaneously
Exactly! There may be preferences, (as content of thoughts) but this doesn't mean that there is something in them choosing.
Can you clearly see that?
It is really automatic in this sense.
I would say it is process. I can't pinpoint a single moment in which the decision happens but it is more an automatic consequence of some preferences/ideas/conditionings...
Right.
Now look -
Is there something which is NOT automatic?
Is there something which is not being choosen as a product of conditioning, preferences?
Actually while typing these words I see how there is no choice at all. The whole concept of choice is not making sense right now. We think about a choice as a single act of choosing something over something else, as the culmination moment of an evaluation of different possibilities. But the dynamics that lead to a certain decision cannot be enclosed in a single moment. There is absolutely no moment in which a decision takes place, there are only happenings that depend on other happenings.
Such a beautiful insight!
Now let's dig deeper in the so called process of choosing.
Please put some chocolate (or something you think you shouldn’t eat or drink) in front of you. Look at it. Inspect it closely. Smell its delicious fragrance. And pay attention to emerging desire to eat it.
When the desire is there, pay close attention to the thought process.
See how thoughts list pros and cons why you should or shouldn’t eat the chocolate.
These opposing thoughts might even try to argue or convince each other what to decide.
What is it that is considering these options?
Is there anything that is listing the pros and cons, or only just thoughts appear about pros and cons? – look very carefully
Now, make a decision, but whatever you decide, don’t eat the chocolate (yet). Rather just pay very close attention when the decision is made. Particularly pay attention to thoughts, as the decision is made.
Let’s say a thought appear: “I decided not to eat the chocolate”
So the thought about the decision just appeared. What made that thought to appear?
Can you find the thing that made that decision, apart from the presence of the thought about the decision?
How exactly the decision is made?
Now, act according to the decision. (Either eat or don’t eat the chocolate.)
What is it that performed the chosen action?
Sending much love,
Luchana
