Hey again Vince! Here we go…
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, only in thoughts. There was never a separate self; only the persistent thought of one. Let me reiterate, there IS still a separate self in thoughts. But I can clearly see these thoughts for what they are, and drop them.
2) Share your own words, what the illusion of a separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?
The illusion of a separate self shows up as a thought, or a collection of thoughts, about a “me” which is separate from other objects and entities. Prior to this inquiry, I fully subscribed to these thoughts. I believed in the thought-driven illusion that I was a separate, self-made (free will exerting) individual. I can now look at these thoughts for what they are: simply thoughts, which come and go, rise and fall — the content of which are uncontrolled. They seem like such flimsy things now! Formerly, there was a notion that I controlled my thoughts - that I generated them and guided their content. I see now that this is not the case.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels… boundless. There is no lack here. There is no suffering here. In seeing thoughts and concepts for what they are, there is peace. Every moment is perfect. As such, there is gratitude in deeply knowing the perfection of this moment. There is also no real seeking left. Prior to this dialogue, there was seeking - never ending seeking — all-consuming seeking — which took place in thoughts and concepts. There was fear of death. There was anxiety being energized by the seeming presence of a separate me. These have all dissolved.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, that made you look?
It’s a bit difficult to pinpoint, but I would say a major turning point was when Vivien guided me on an inquiry into what the direct experience of my own ego is, along with my direct experience of “other” egos in the world. I inquired into this deeply and it was like a light switch turned on, revealing that all of these concepts are just a collection of thoughts. My ego is just a bunch of thoughts! And the neighbor’s ego? Same thing! I’d say the “dominoes fell” from there. Prior to this, I conceptually knew that “I am not my thoughts,” but I didn’t see it in experience and so it didn’t do anything for me. These dominoes falling let me trace thoughts to their source, to plainly see that they arise from nowhere, recede to nowhere, and that their content is and has always been utterly out of my control. Still though, the final straw was when you suggested that I might already be where I thought I still needed to get to. I never considered that. So I looked, and I saw clearly what has been here all along, only covered by clouds of thoughts. I was thinking too conceptually — too much — about it, and overshot it.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Decision - There is an appearance of many decisions made throughout every day, but this is just an appearance. For example, after working on my computer for a while, I will “decide” to get up from my chair. So then there is a thought merged with action of the body, with thought claiming ownership of the decision. The apparent decision to get up would have unfolded the same way, no matter how much thoughts try to insert themselves.
Intention - Intention is just a thought about a potential illusory future, which may or may not occur. At any rate, it’s not right HERE. Just another flimsy thought.
Free will - There is no free will. Thoughts and actions are happening; genetics and conditioning drive much of the content of thought and action. For example, you and I aren’t speaking because I exerted free will again and again to get to here. Rather, one circumstance just led to the next, and the next… an effortless unfolding.
Choice - There is apparent choice, but none in actuality. For example, I open the fridge and see a red apple and a banana. I choose to eat the red apple. Thoughts would tell me that I carefully considered my options and I chose the apple for various reasons. In actuality, the end result would always be the same. Genetics/conditioning/experience have already made the choice for me.
Control - There is no control. I don’t control what thoughts appear, when, and for how long. What is happening right now in the present moment of experience is a direct result of what occurred in the prior moment (in relativity), like an unbroken chain, one link leading to the next.
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
I’m not sure how to answer this question. I live, like you, in relativity as a human, and I have certain familial and work responsibilities to maintain. Most of all, I feel that I am responsible for knowing my true nature - the wholeness of what is - and “being.”
6) Anything to add?
For the time being, no.
