After 25 years of seeking the shift happened

[D0C7H0R]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Who is understanding? No one there. Never was, never will. :)

The shift already happened. "I", "self", "ego" or the "person" are just thoughts, which were never real. The big mirage which appears very real as long as there is an identification with thoughts.

What are you looking for at LU?
Who is looking? And for what? :)

There is a deep clear impulse to help others to break free from the illusion of self. This it IT.

(Ilona advised me to talk to you guys to become a guide, so here we are)

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Who is expecting? And what?

But of course you guys can test "me" if the shift really happened. No expectations, only the connection from no one to no one and a lot of fun, like in the sessions with Ilona. :)

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
There was a seeker named Thorsten for 25 years. I did it the "classic way", studying all kinds of Isms, practicing meditation, yoga, qigong, living in buddhist monasteries, ashrams and spiritual communities, went to a lot of "teachers" and "masters", read tons of books, listened to tons of satsangs, audiobooks, tried all kinds of energetic work, the typical neverending journey of an obsessive seeker who wants to "come home". But still there was always something missing, the moments of clarity or glimpses of awakening we always only temporary. 2013 I had a very deep opening for several days without any kind of identification, but it closed again and the "person" took over again. More suffering, seeking, longing, anger, sadness, even suicidal thoughts, not loving myself, etc...10 years ago I came for the first time in touch with non-dualism, Papaji was the door opener for me and I knew instantly, this is it. Of course only in a conceptual way, but also deep inside something clicked. But after all these years still not "liberated" I dropped it all (2018). "Doesn't work, waste of time, complete BS, they are all crazy" were my beLIEfs. (laughs) Then a few weeks ago something inside me said: "Take a look again, you are ready now". So I did. Got back on the nondual-train with the people I resonate. Tony Parsons, Andreas Müller, Karl Renz, then I found Scott Kiloby and then Ilona appeared. So I bought here books and I remember when I started reading 'Gateless Gatecrashers' the thought which was going like this: "Yeah, right, nobody will ever awake through written books between two people via email". (laughs) Well, it was the story with Michael and then it happened. Just like that. Everything became absolutely crystal clear. The shift happened. Silent, unspectacular, subtle. Two seconds. That's it. After that I contacted and booked a session with Ilona to be sure, because the mind-machine always tries to trick you back in the identification. But it didn't came back since or better said, it is very easy to inquire everything which appears and to see what is real or what the nature of the appearance is. Now everything unfolds by itself with no one experiencing it. Amazing. Total abundance which is completely empty. Everything and nothing. Formless, Timeless, boundless. No definition needed anymore and no defintioner. Childlike playful aliveness.

It was the 5th of November by the way, so now I can also say: "Remember, remember, the 5th of November..." But no ones there anymore to remember anything at all. Never was, never will. What a joke! (laughing) ;)

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

My name is Stacy & I can offer you our traditional "final questions" and see what, if anything needs to be cleared up. We could sure use more guides!

Below is a piece of my usual introduction. From your post, you may not need the rest of it

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

Shall I call you "Thorsten?"

What timezone are you in, please?

Loving,

[D0C7H0R]

Hi Stacy.

Shall I call you "Thorsten?"

Who? (laughs) Thorsten is the name of the person which has never existed. No name needed anymore. But "Thor" is fine if you want to give "me" a name.

What timezone are you in, please?

No one here in the timezone. The timezone where this awareness is happening is Budapest time UTC +0100.

Just playing around. :)

Love.

T

[D0C7H0R]

Shall I call you "Thorsten?"

And who is asking? :)

[Anastacia42]

LOL. Yeah. Language.

So. Try these, please, quoting each question with the answer beneath.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?


Loving,

[D0C7H0R]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No. Only in the dream. The separation is part of the dream. With the shift awareness happens that nothing ever existed or happened. All just thoughts. Thoughts can only be that what they are: THOUGHTS. But thoughts are the great trickster who try to convince you that they are all kinds of things. Like they are shadows and come to you and say: "Hey, I am the light." or "I am you." or "I control you." Thoughts can play the judge, the victim, the executioner, the inciter, all kinds of "personalities". But a shadow can only be a shadow. Because when a shadow becomes light, it disappears. Thats exactly the same with thought. It cannot become anything else as what it is. Thought is NOT the enemy. It is just what it is: an appearance.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It starts in a certain age of childhood. When we are honest it starts with birth, at the moment you get out of the womb. The womb is complete oneness with your mother. The birth is the first separation. Then your mother tells you: "I am your mother. I am here. You are there." The seed of separation is planted without you knowing what it is or that is exists. Over time it deepens more and more and at some point something "closes" down and your true nature starts to fade away into the separated self. Like some veil is put over it. It becomes an automatism and you forget who you are. Society does everything to separate you completely and hold you there trapped through schools, universities, TV, newspapers, social media, porn, drugs, gaming, even religion or spirituality. Out of that a complete identification with thoughts and emotions and all kinds of sensations results. The I-Virus is created. I against the world. Or worse: I against I. You become an addict of separation without knowing that you are separated. I was very successful in that. Deep core programming. Out of that seeking appears. To fill a whole which never can't be filled. I am not good enough. I am not loveable. I am unworthy. I need to heal my inner child. I need to clear my chakras. I need to do this and become that. I need to find enlightenment. And so on. Seeking is avoiding is suffering. Suffering becomes your daily companion. And it is no fun at all. You try to convince yourself, that all is well, but if you are honest, you are trapped and completely helpless. Nothing really works, doesn't matter what you do. I know a lot of people which are very wealthy financially, but totally unfulfilled and unhappy inside. Too much attachment to things and the illusion of creating happiness or freedom through things and outer stuff. No thing will ever free or liberate you. I tried and I failed. Over and over and over. A total failure. Absolute hopelessness. The greatest gift you can ever get. Because when hope dies, what is left? Was there anything at all? Who is hoping? And for what? That it is getting better. Always in the past or in the future. That is the definition of not being alive at all. The fear of the fear becoming completely fearless. Out of that humans do anything to avoid loosing this fear. The most effective trap ever created. From your self. The cosmic joke. Your own personal jail without realizing that you are in jail.

After the shift. Now. All gone. No need for anything anymore. No lack. No victim. No self-sabotage (which is totally impossible). All is exactly like it has to be. It is whole, complete and abundant. No need to add something or to let go of something. All kinds of things or interests are disappearing. No more longing. No more seeking. Even not the interest to know things anymore. Gone. Blank. No-thing is missing. Chronic Neck pain, disappeared. Even the need to masturbate or to have a life-partner, gone. Things appear or not. It doesn't matter anymore. If they appear it is fun. Pure authentic playful beingness. Whatever it is. There is a big silence, a wide void of nothingness, peaceful unconditional love. And the joke is: nothing ever happened.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It is absolutely fine. It is how it is. It was always like that. In the moment where the shift happens it doesn't matter anymore. The old story of "me" is gone. Game over. No one is looking back. No need to anyway, because who ist interested in the past? But is fun to talk about it right now and a smile is appearing on the face. I enjoy missing myself which has never existed. (laughs)

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Honestly after revisiting it with Ilona, the awakening happened subtle and silently over the last 4 years, but awareness didn't happen. I had more or less the same symptoms like her after her shift. The "final" push was the story with Michael in "Gateless Gatecrashers".

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Decisions happen. Who is the decider? Life

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

It happens all naturally. It's the natural flow of life.

Let's say you try to transform a banana to a pumpkin. Let's say you are the greatest meditator ever lived with super-siddhis ("special powers" in the yogic tradition). You sit before the banana. Let's say it is the eternal banana which never rots away. (laughs) I bet you can meditate 1000 years before that banana, no matter how strong, pure or clear your intensions are, it will never ever become a pumpkin. So much for that.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

One of the biggest deceptions in the human realm. Absolute non-sense. A free will assumes that there is an unfree will as well. That's total BS. There is no will at all. Also funny how people write their last will before "they" die. (laughs)

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Life happens. No choices, no consequences. Period.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

There is only life living itself. No one controls anything. So you also can forget the stoic principle as well. ;)

What makes things happen? How does it work?

Good question. I don't know. I don't need to know. It doesn't matter. It just happens. The undefinable unfolds itself in formless forms through timeless times and boundless boundaries. I don't know from where that comes as well right now. Typing happens and laughing. :D

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

No-thing at all. It just happened as it happened. No one cares.

6) Anything to add?

There is no answer.
There never was an answer.
There never will be an answer.
THIS is the answer.

[Anastacia42]

Lovely. Let me see if anyone has any further questions for you. (Yes, yes. who & all of that. )

Watch for a Private Message (top right).

Loving,

[D0C7H0R]

So be it. Thanks :)

[Anastacia42]

Quite welcome!

And welcome! You have, of course,, crossed the Gateless Gate.

Loving,

[D0C7H0R]

<3