hi I'm Douglas and I'm seeking a guide to help me out

[doug1976]

It feels like I 'm drunk,
There's nothing for me to do because there's no me
just a body mind operating out of nothing,
how exciting ,
It used to take a lot of booze to get to feel that!;)

[jimw]

I feel out of control ,
there's no separation
there's no self
My head is empty

There is no need to think about control. It then just becomes more concepts.

It feels like I 'm drunk,
There's nothing for me to do because there's no me
just a body mind operating out of nothing,
how exciting ,
It used to take a lot of booze to get to feel that!;)

Aha - sounds like you are starting to LOOK!

Is the fear still there, or has it subsided ?

[doug1976]

The fear is still there.
It's not stopping me from looking.
The fear is arising , it's just there,
I can't claim it as mine , there's no beginning or end to it,
It exists as an continuum ,there's nothing to be afraid of it's just there,
There's no resolution no cause no effect .
Nothing to overcome nothing to do.
Nothing separate nothing to avoid.
The fear is neither a friend or a foe.
The fear is subsiding almost like it never existed right now .
it feels like it just merged.

just wondering if there was a separated part of my psyche that just merged by looking and seeing the truth that there is nothing separate and from that a "rebel or activist" got reclaimed by That.

I'm finding myself caught in the "let's turn this into a spiritual discipline"
everyone impatiently waitting for your post giving me like a green light to see the truth and look what's there.
It feels wonderful and also feels like a trap or a drug :
Genre ; take this pill and you won't feel separate.
Perhaps a resistance to fully accept the truth , or perhaps my eagerness desire to be the truth.
Exciting times very grateful for the discovery.
Thank you .

[jimw]

You are very welcome Douglas !

The fear is still there.
It's not stopping me from looking.
The fear is arising , it's just there,
I can't claim it as mine , there's no beginning or end to it,
It exists as an continuum ,there's nothing to be afraid of it's just there,

It sounds like you are seeing that it is just an impersonal type of energy, there doesn't have to be an identification with it. This is very good. This is the LOOKING we are talking about.

There's no resolution no cause no effect .
Nothing to overcome nothing to do.
Nothing separate nothing to avoid.
The fear is neither a friend or a foe.
The fear is subsiding almost like it never existed right now .
it feels like it just merged.

You are right,fear is not a 'friend or a 'foe' unless mind labels it as such and there is identification with it!

I'm finding myself caught in the "let's turn this into a spiritual discipline"
everyone impatiently waitting for your post giving me like a green light to see the truth and look what's there.
It feels wonderful and also feels like a trap or a drug :

The method we use here is sometimes called 'direct pointing' - we are here to guide you, so you can see for yourself. Knowledge, beliefs, dogma etc. are not required.

Genre ; take this pill and you won't feel separate.
Perhaps a resistance to fully accept the truth , or perhaps my eagerness desire to be the truth.
Exciting times very grateful for the discovery.

This process can be fun and exciting and/or scary. It depends on the what mind tends to label it as! Do you see ? It's the labelling or 'me' or 'mine' or 'good' or bad' - the mind tends to do this naturally. Going 'through the gate' means that all we do is look and find that there is no separate self, no 'I'. What happens after can vary, and in many ways is just the beginning.

Just to let you know I am going out of town for a couple of days for work, so might not be checking in until Friday. In the meantime, I want you to notice when fear arises and be with it. Just experience it. No judgments or analysis, or thinking required. Just watch what it feels like and see how it arises.

Good luck - and happy looking! I will be back Friday to see how you are getting on !

[doug1976]

Thanks

[doug1976]

It feels like I've journeyed across a great big lake endlessly floating ,
I've lost contact with the rives /the land ,
That's what happens every time I follow the fear something gives in
the fear is not held by anything , it's pointing towards I'm not responsible for my existence ,
That goes against the grain all the self development I 've done.
when I check inside there is a frozeness and there's no self a bit like a free floating iceberg in the vast ocean.
There are thoughts that would love to claim ownership of the frozeness / fear they are just thoughts arising passing thru the vastness .
I like the direct pointing , that's where it begins but definitely not where it ends or begins
Another paradox challenging some thoughts I have or I'm used to.
So I can use direct pointing not so much as a discipline but more as an aid in seeing what's already there that requires no discipline at all.

[doug1976]

I'm feeling terror, my mind is going blank ,
My body is heating up,there's sadness , I've lost a close friend , he died at 88 ,it feels like it's hit me like a ton of bricks.
I remember what you posted to let the fear be , the thoughts pass thru .
I guess my mind is remembering a lot of memories good times bad times.
Feels like my body mind is processing some heavy stuff.
I'm noticing some effort to keep everything under control.
I'm looking at the resistance to see if anything or anything is creating it
sure enough even that is just arising there's nothing pushing the resist button,
so I can let the resistance be, there's a softening around it because there's nothing separate and yet there's still an energy that's silently fighting.
Probably conditioning of the body mind.
I wonder if the looking is a bit like connecting
everytime I do it , feels like something is connecting even though there's really nothing to connect to.

[doug1976]

No one doing the connecting to a lot of things , it also feels like.

[jimw]

So sorry to hear about your friend Douglas.

I'm looking at the resistance to see if anything or anything is creating it
sure enough even that is just arising there's nothing pushing the resist button,
so I can let the resistance be, there's a softening around it because there's nothing separate and yet there's still an energy that's silently fighting.
Probably conditioning of the body mind.

Resistance can arise - and you have seen it just arising - that is a good thing. We are conditioned to fear loss of loved ones and for pain to arise when it happens. It's part of being human, no judgement is needed.

Please take it easy for a few days. Let me know if you want to carry on, or whether you want to have a few days to re-group and let things settle down a bit. Please take care of yourself.

all the best, Jim.

[doug1976]

Let's carry on .

So I'm experiencing grief , what's coming up are 2 fears :
the fear of dying and the fear of abandonment.

When I look there's pain and vastness.there's a thought sensation "I want to be soothed I want the pain to stop"
There's that greater connection without an I .
Another word that's jumping out is "a stream"
Streaming like a river or a video on the comp
Simply streaming.

[jimw]

Let's carry on .

So I'm experiencing grief , what's coming up are 2 fears :
the fear of dying and the fear of abandonment.

When I look there's pain and vastness.there's a thought sensation "I want to be soothed I want the pain to stop"
There's that greater connection without an I .
Another word that's jumping out is "a stream"
Streaming like a river or a video on the comp
Simply streaming.

Fear and death and abandonment are common (universal?). There is something 'bigger' when the 'I' isn't involved that's true.

'Streaming' is one analogy - everything we experience is a stream of 'stuff' or 'energy' that just happens.

When grief arises, is there a difference between 'my grief' and 'the grief' or just 'grief' ?

[doug1976]

It feels that something has been stripped bare ,
a bit like a wind blowing the leaves off a tree near winter,
So it's grief , and I'm experiencing and it's not mine.
a blank slate and out of that a sensation of loss some stories arising
Some good feelings some sad feelings some regrets some pleasure
and all of that falling off leaving me bare :
So there's an emptiness all the way thru the grief/loss
there's nothing and there are rich feelings and there are not separation between the nothing and the grief and the stories .

I notice there's still an outpost of separation ; I still have an I "watching over"
the experience a bit like sitting on the edge of the river as oppose to totally diving in and swimming with the stream.
I notice a story I have " I should be ....." and " I shouldn't be or do..."

Some sort of safety switch .I have a belief that I could totally drown an old fear .
fear of losing myself even though there's nothing to lose.

the funny thing the grief I ' m feeling only showed up
when I became aware of the loss.
Leading me to think I have some stories and attachment around losses.

[doug1976]

Hi,

I'd like to report something new , as I've been traveling with the grief something opened up today , there was a giddiness some nausea so I checked it out thru some looking in and saw the obvious there's never been a self it's like an empty shell looking out into all experiences.
So today I can report there's no turning back I got to see there's never been a self .
so I arrived at my favorite eating place and was greeted by fireworks on the river great way to celebrate.
I'm witnessing that pendulum swing in emotions between the despair and strong fear of yesterday and that I'm on top of the world and possibly a great powerful god feeling today.
That's ok I'm cool with that.
I know that all those feelings have got nowhere to stick because now I know the truth ,I'm experiencing it thru all the myriad of wonderful flavors.
My body mind is going thru withdraw symptoms I think there was a power/comfort in knowing and believing in the illusion that I 'm a self in control of my univers.
That just got busted.
Yet there's no compromise I got to find out what's always been there and will always be and the body mind is free to think feel that it has control or power or not there's no removal of anything it isn't a this or that type of truth , there's an allowing of everything to be .
Perhaps there will be a trickling down or up thru to my body mind if not that's cool too.
It's a real blessing to have had that nudge thanking you from the recognition of what 's always been true.
How cool to be able to do that from anywhere totally online with no prerequisite what a gift ;)
No extra ordeal necessary no sacrifice simply seeing what's there with the help of your strategic guidance.

[jimw]

I'd like to report something new , as I've been traveling with the grief something opened up today , there was a giddiness some nausea so I checked it out thru some looking in and saw the obvious there's never been a self it's like an empty shell looking out into all experiences.
So today I can report there's no turning back I got to see there's never been a self

That's excellent. Looking can be hard, especially when life throws you curve balls, but it sounds like you really looked. That is what this is all about, well done.

I'm witnessing that pendulum swing in emotions between the despair and strong fear of yesterday and that I'm on top of the world and possibly a great powerful god feeling today.
That's ok I'm cool with that.

Well, genuine looking can lead to strong emotional changes - they tend to settle down after a while.

I know that all those feelings have got nowhere to stick because now I know the truth ,I'm experiencing it thru all the myriad of wonderful flavors.
My body mind is going thru withdraw symptoms I think there was a power/comfort in knowing and believing in the illusion that I 'm a self in control of my univers.
That just got busted.

Good. Just the stuff, you are not in control, there is no separate self control !

It's a real blessing to have had that nudge thanking you from the recognition of what 's always been true.
How cool to be able to do that from anywhere totally online with no prerequisite what a gift ;)

It's a pleasure !

How are things now ? What are you experiencing ?

[doug1976]

An impatience , a need for approval , a flag I can plant in the ground " liberation conquered"
A trophy a victory are the feelings going thru me ,
It would be like claiming a piece of kosmos , impossible.
I have a rule I never start anything I can't Finnish and there bad luck for that rule no start no end.
Nothing to conquer.