OK John, like the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray here I go again! Redundancy is experienced here :) the interesting thing here is that each time i approach this the feeling is different so the answers are a little different.
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?
No, there's no "me" or "self" here or anywhere. Nothing can be separate from everything.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
The illusion of self is the mis-identification with thoughts and thinking. (Thinking sure is a seductress isn't it?) Thoughts are connected in memory to form an imaginary "I" that imagines it is the experiencer and then tries to exert control. When it starts and how it works would be conjecture on my part, but what I suppose is that when what is labeled uncomfortable or negative energy is experienced (hungry tummy, wet/sore bottom, etc.) and at some point it subsides because of another occurrence (breast appears, diaper changed, warmth from added blanket, etc.) this is stored in memory. After a while, there probably occurs a desire for the relief that has been previously experienced based on memory. Probably once languaging starts, or maybe just the noticing that crying can bring the relief, one begins to associate a sense of control over events. Then the snowball starts rolling getting bigger and bigger.
3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.
At first it felt confusing but after inquiry it was seen. Then a feeling of release of tension replaced with excited energy. Then this changed to a feeling of "ordinariness" as if, well, that's just the way things are. This moment back to excited energy as this "knowing" is noticed in everyday life.
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
A little confused about this question because how could there be curiosity about something no known-"never heard about this". I'll answer assuming the somebody is "looking" for answers or relief about life. I would say to them that this gives a sense of clarity simply by shifting perception of who "you" are. That it is very simple, it won't guarantee to change your circumstances, but it will offer the noticing of freedom in their life so that the circumstances won't really matter.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
Again, not sure about this question so I'll state my assumption. The first part I'm assuming what is asked is what brought me to LU, what drove my looking. I would say I was looking for Truth and answers about reality. Seeing happened gradually (if you call a few days gradually). First there was the taking in of the ideas presented on the website through the book and reading posts. Then a feeling of "yeah, I can see that it makes sense". Then the answering of your questions in this dialogue pushed me further into deeper inquiry. When I really started to feel I "grocked" it was when life started to be experienced or noticed as almost like a movie. The feeling of identification dissolved and a curiosity about what thought was going to appear next and what action will this character Ray do and what is going to happen anywhere next occurred. A feeling of "un-knowing" is experienced in a comfortable, relaxed, and curiously excited way. Appropriately I was golfing at the time.
6) When you say "I", what are you referring to?
Depends on context and what is trying to be communicated. "I" can be used to label the illusory "I" of misidentification with thought in one context, but as used in "my" answering here, "I" points to the experiencing happening as perceived by the carbon life form named Ray.
7) Is there an experiencer experiencing, or is there only experience?
There is only experience. Experiencer indicates ownership or a "doer". Experiencing happens.
8) Actually look. Does experience belong to the body, or does the body belong to experience?
"Belong to" intimates ownership again and there can be no ownership. If I had to choose between the two statements I would say the body belongs to experience is more truthy (apologies to Steven Colbert from Comedy Central).
9) What did you experience at the moment you awoke?
My assumption is that you are asking what my experience was when I lost identification with the thought of "me" and saw how that came about. As stated previously there was release of tension felt, a feeling of home, a freedom from false responsibility and a curious excitement about the feeling of this new perch of perception.
10) Describe your experience in the hours and days following awakening.
There is a noticing of loss of meaning about things, a sense of life flowing in motion. Noticing more and more that this is truth and sensing that it is being seen at deeper and deeper levels. At this moment a feeling of lightness. Also noticing that there is a lack of effort, things still get done but they get done because it is notice that they should be done. Excited about this. Noticing thoughts are more about now as opposed to past or future events or imagined events. A feeling of compassion with the sense that awareness is everywhere and the awareness being experienced here is not more special than any other awareness happening. Realization is ongoing and being noticed.
Hope this one gets to you John :) !!!!
Again, very grateful for your time and attention.
Best, Ray
