Please guide me

[Demian]

How clear is this?

It seems quite clear. However I do not know how deep is it realized.

Do you feel ready to answer final questions?

What should I feel to be ready? Or: from where should "I" feel?

I am not quite sure where you are at :)Let me know how it feels on your side. Is the life personal?

Generally in the last week more eager, joyful, present.
Last day somewhat gloomy, not so present, just be around effortlessly and without much motivations, aims... Less concentrated, clear.. It is now just like that.. Listening music, watching films, doing everyday activities, some work. Some resistance to just seeing directly, experiencing. It feels at some moments: this long search was just about this emptiness, aimlessness? Do "I" still want "that"? Of course I see that this is just thinking.

Otherwise not so personal, less personal feelings, more relaxed.

Warm regards.

[Eloratea]

Ok, Demian.
Here are the questions.
Answer honestly and in detail when ready; than we will see better how it is at the moment and what the next steps are.

Is there you in any way or form; was there ever?
How does it feel to see this?
What is illusion of separate self, how it manifests? How would you describe it in simple terms?
What made you see this? What was the final push?

Best wishes.

[Demian]

Dear Eloratea,

The answers then:

Is there you in any way or form; was there ever?

Only the belief of me is present sometimes, however, when that is noticed, it gone rather quickly. The "me" and "I" only a belief, it is just the result of strong and lasting conditioning.

How does it feel to see this?

It is just like that. No much personal feeling, except sometimes a kind of disappointment, that comes and then goes, just like other thoughts. No need to search further.

What is illusion of separate self, how it manifests? How would you describe it in simple terms?

The illusion of self only a kind of subtle thinking and associated vague feelings. From this illusion comes - for example - "I" like, not just there is a joyful feeling. So instead of just experiencing the flow of coming and disappearing, the sensations, the evoked thoughts, the thinking is somewhat centered around the "I", "me".
Not be aware of this, the "I" develop beliefs, habbits, resistances, cravings etc.. The life this way may become much more complicated and in some case can be a constant unease (as in my story), if conditions are present (sensitivity, perceived harm to "me" etc..). - manifesting itself in some "deep" undefined restlessness. Then the "I" starts the search for the holy grail ("something missing") to end this feeling = to end the perceived separation.

What made you see this? What was the final push?

The seeing were directed much more to the belief of "I". Then what I felt is not a dramatic insight, rather "oh this is so simple??".

[Eloratea]

Dear Demian,

it is simple. But it is not the end. Maybe there will be still lots of stuff to look through and beliefs to examine.
Do you feel that some significant shift have happened? Though it might be subtle.
Do you find now any reasons for the occurrences of the belief in personal self?

Regards!

[Demian]

Do you feel that some significant shift have happened? Though it might be subtle.

What is different is a kind of relaxation, easiness. There is a certainty, and if something becomes too solid, then seeing starts. A kind of feeling, let us go "out" and see around! on the other hand a lot of thinking are around, but it seems less problematic, until they have not too much "power"/solidness.

Do you find now any reasons for the occurrences of the belief in personal self?

I think only as far, as "this belief" has traces in the memory. Time to time the thought of I is present. Do not know, that under different circumstances = more information, more contact, more thinking - as we call "stress" - this belief solidifies again or not really.

So it seems obvious, that there is no self, but I have little experience about the conditioning in this respect. Earlier I had the experience, that I became more self centered under perceived stress.

Warm regards,
Demian

[Eloratea]

Time to time the thought of I is present. Do not know, that under different circumstances = more information, more contact, more thinking - as we call "stress" - this belief solidifies again or not really.

Sure, you can not know yet what can appear in the experience. But nothing can solidify if we don't give it required energy. Which means if we don't unconditionally believe without applying this same natural, but deeper looking. It is a tool for the dissolution of illusions.

So it seems obvious, that there is no self, but I have little experience about the conditioning in this respect. Earlier I had the experience, that I became more self centered under perceived stress.

So, there might be reactions from old patterns, but tool is here and what is once seen it can’t be unseen. Sometimes more seeing will be needed for the mind to finally stop projecting old pattern of the self.
Surrender consciously to the life flow :)

I will see if other guides have some more questions for you and also let me know if you have some more questions or doubts at this moment.

Greetings.

[Demian]

Dear Eloratea,

Momentarily I have no questions.. It seems more meaningful the "stream entry" pointer.

Thank you very much for your kind effort!

Demian

[Eloratea]

Hi Demian,

here I got some more, nice questions for you :)

• What chooses thoughts?
  What is it that is aware of thoughts arising?
  Where is awareness?
  How does the body exist?

Be well.

[Demian]

Good evening,

Thank you for the nice questions :)

What chooses thoughts?

They are just arising. I do not find anything that chooses. Certain extent the content of thought may

What is it that is aware of thoughts arising?

It is the "awareness". "I" experience awareness, and in that awareness thoughts are arising.

Where is awareness?

There is awareness in the experience. Or it is just there. It is not in some place, in the body, or mind.

How does the body exist?

"I'm" aware of the fingers, when I'm typing. So it is arising in the awareness, as other sensations, labels.

Best.

[Eloratea]

What is relation between "you" and this awareness, this experience?
How this communication right now happens?

:)

[Demian]

What is relation between "you" and this awareness, this experience?

There is awareness. In the awareness sensations and thoughts appears. Some of them refers to "I".

How this communication right now happens?

I see no communication right now. How could awareness and thoughts communicate? Is communications different from thinking?

[Eloratea]

When you are speaking with someone, who is speaking with whom?

:)

[Demian]

Good afternoon,

:)

When you are speaking with someone, who is speaking with whom?

Right now I communicate with you, typing on computer, and there is thinking, hearing, touching, sometimes I'm aware of them. Thinking says that your question does not point to the present.

[Eloratea]

Without labeling would there be "you" communicating with "me"?
How it would be from pure direct experiencing?

[Demian]

Without labeling would there be "you" communicating with "me"?
How it would be from pure direct experiencing?

No, there would not be.
Reading, thoughts arising, body moving (typing), clock ticking, again thoughts, computer sound.