Observing the Observer

[qxmbati]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
This statement is trying to point out that any hard proof I have of myself existing is just a construct of the mind. The body is just a vehicle and the mind is a computer. The higher self lies beyond this body/mind somewhere in the spiritual realm. Thoughts in my head are just another sense just as taste, touch, smell, see, hear.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking for a challenge to help me awaken. There are times when I believe all of this spiritual talk is true and there are other times when I lose faith and distance myself from hope of something greater than my ego. I get trapped too often and I'm trying to build habits to pull me out of the rut.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I would expect someone to ask questions like "why" until I get to the bottom of whatever statement or vision of myself that I hold to be true. Challenging me to go deeper and let go of all attachments.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have read books like The Power of Now, and several Buddhist books. I have done yoga and meditation for 5-7 years now. I have done plenty of research into Psychology and Philosophy. I have read some Carl Jung. I have tried Reiki to try and heal my heart and other chakras and understand some of energy body concepts. I have had some brief insights into awakening but nothing that I would call a real enlightenment.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[Little Lion]

Hello there :-)

My name is Leonie and I am happy to be your guide.
Let's see what we can investigate together.

Tell me, how can I call you?
And what do you expect or hope will have changed at the end of a conversation like this?

Leonie

[qxmbati]

Hello Lione

You can call me Mike.

I hope to drop any resistance I hold to seeing Reality as it is.

[Little Lion]

Hello Mike,

I hope to drop any resistance I hold to seeing Reality as it is.

Implied in your statement is that there is something to want and something to not want in seeing reality as it is.
And that implies that you know how it will look.

Describe to me the picture that you have of reality as it is, both what you want about it and what you don't want about it.

Leonie

[qxmbati]

Hi Leonie, thanks for the reply.

The picture of this reality we are speaking of would be existing in a state of more love in my heart and peace in my mind. I guess I've always felt that this is something to be obtained. I've heard teachers talk about how it's always right here. Like pulling back the veil to reveal the cosmic joke. Maybe I'm just not ready to see it. I've worked hard to bring my life into more balance. Yin and yang if you would. But always feel there is some secret switch I just keep missing to make all the pieces fit together.

In this case what I would be pushing away is mostly depression and anxiety. Whatever sadness I still hold from my past and fear of any future pain that could be coming my way. When I meditate I'm able to let this stuff go but I guess it's still 'sticky' during everyday life. Although as I said, I've faced a lot of my fears and shadow over time and made much improvement in everyday tranquility. I just wonder if will ever really pay off.

[qxmbati]

I want to wake up every day with a full heart, eager to help myself and others. And I want to go to bed knowing that there is nothing left for me to do. I suppose that would be the ultimate reality that I sense is possible but not present.

[Little Lion]

more love in my heart and peace in my mind, less anxiety and depression, sadness and fear, waking up with a full heart everyday, eager to help yourself and others, going to bed knowing there is nothing left to do

I am sorry Mike, but what you describe is not something that I know how to obtain. I don't know where the switch is that you talk about. Ask the teachers that claim it is there.
Or better for your sanity and wallet, think about this question:

What you describe are feeling states. Feelings.

What was the longest time that you ever experienced the same feeling in a row?

Check during the day how long the different feelings last, that you experience that day. Let me know what you find.

Can you use the quote function to repeat my question and then answer it? With more than one question to answer the quote function keeps things clear.

[Little Lion]

Oh and one more question.
When you talk about depression and anxiety, are you talking about them as a medical illness or as a feeling?
And if the first is the case, do you use medication for it?

[qxmbati]

What was the longest time that you ever experienced the same feeling in a row?

Hi im not sure if this particular post still works but i'm trying to respond after a long time.

Sometimes in my life sadness would last for days or weeks or months. A period of depression. Maybe it was not acute every moment but it was on a larger scale always present in the background. Like a really gloomy cloudy day that lasts for months and months.

Does this help?

Another question I would have is when you become liberated are you saying that there is there no emotion / feeling at all? Or perhaps you mean that once you realize there is no small self that it is much easier to just rest in a peaceful emotion because the mind is no longer creating stories and getting in the way of what you now know is the truth of who / what you are?

Thanks,
Mike