1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of self is thoughts about "me" and the story of "me". It is thoughts that refer to a continuous identity that survives moment to moment. It begins when thoughts about 'ownership' of sensations occur. Sensations and thoughts occur, then the illusion of self arises when a connection between thoughts of the story about 'me' is drawn to the sensations and thoughts as if I caused them or own them in some way. "I thought about that, I moved my hand, I am a man", rather than experiencing these sensations 'in themselves'. It is the separation of self and object. It starts with ignorance or a lack of 'seeing', which is shown when this illusion dissipates upon investigation.
The way it works is very simple. It is simply thoughts and sensations which appear, without investigation, to be 'me'. Upon investigation, they appear to be 'sensations'.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels good to see it. There is really no difference, except that when thoughts that are called 'me' are happening, noticing will often occur, and these thoughts will stop. Often, sensations and thoughts just occur without "Albert" showing up at all. It's nice! Quite cool. There is no end to the questioning. Actually, Meditation is totally different than before the dialogue. It is now very active and relaxed. Watching thoughts and sensations settle, watching 'albert' show up and dissolve. It's awesome, also pretty low-key.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
I had a lasting aha moment when I read the sutra you sent. I remember that as the moment that I went from 'self' to 'no self', for an instant.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Decisions, intention, free will, choice, control- thoughts that arise. These all exist as thoughts, therefore a type of sensation like hot or cold.
I don't know what makes things happen or what makes that work. I will be honest and say I really don't know how to answer this question. Things just happen and it's absolutely incredible that they work at all.
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
"me" as in "Albert"? Nothing. It all happens on its own. My previous answer referred to 'responsibilities' like work, parenting, etc. These things will all get done without me. I am not worried about it at all. This organism has the nature to do things like that. Albert doesn't need to have anything to do with it (and actually never has).
For instance, when gardening the other day, there was a period without rumination. No thoughts about my mom, dad, job, or anything. Just gardening. It happened anyway.
6) Anything to add?
No, not really, except that if it is found that seeing has not happened here, I will respectfully withdraw from this inquiry for the time being. I feel that there's plenty for me to work with and I don't want to take up any more of your time.
You have been absolutely AMAZING and I've been happy to send a few other folks to this forum. I hope it can help them as well. I appreciate your help so much.
