Truly Desperately Lost

[Zeno]

try to re-inhabit the 'Matthias' jacket, consciously.

did it a couple of times consciously. It works to a certain extent, it is very familiar and cozy, but identification is not complete. The knowledge is always there that Matthias is just a useful/familiar/cozy ... construct.

How is it?: It is a bit like you get something exiting but after a while interest fades, still nice to handle, but not thrilling anymore. Handling Matthias is like that now. There is less excitement or engagement in it. Matthias is toned down. On the up side there is so much more noticeablr, when Matthias is not there. So much seems to be filtered away while being Matthias. But as I said, this is a new landscapes to play with. It is definitely also not a black or white thing (Matthias or No-Matthias).

Nevertheless, I still fall into complete identification. I.e. no awareness of identification. It is ok though.
Family is good in hitting the right buttons to start these deep ingrained patterns. Habits (mostly negative but some positive as well) just start and do their stuff and I am lost in it. If they want to have Matthias, they sure know how to make him appear.
Family knows how to train you, haha :) (laughing in script is awkward, isn't it?)
There is also daydreaming and flow in work.
There is just no permanent awareness of "being here".

The difference to before seems to be that there is resilience with "being here". The "being here" returns, once stuff slows a bit and is less entrancing. The thing that was draining me so much - for years basically - was, that I had moments of "being here" but briefly and mostly random. And in between there were those long periods of being Matthias. And one thing is sure, he is a really thorough damn critical thinker, wether for good or not. So there was an endless investigation and thought cycles around these moments to assess and investigate etc. Fed by hundreds maybe thousands hours of reading and ruminating all this stuff, training the mind etc., you know it.

The difference came with experience in the end. By just repeating experiencing. Trust came and familiarity.
I can't tell you how stupid that seems now: All books point to experience. But Matthias did what he considers he can do best, "understand" it with knowledge. And there is some use in the path of knowledge and thinking for sure. However, without experience it is totally and completely useless. I wish that not almost everybody had told me so. Funny. Hahaha

It is definitely much less of a deal than I expected it to be. No Big Bang. But sneaky. Maybe it is because the bang and fireworks happened 4 and 20 years ago, but I did not get it then. On the other hand something fundamentally changed, but I still cannot point it out. Trust being my best guess.

Much love
Matthias

[s-p-a-c-e]

There is just no permanent awareness of "being here".

By way of something to do, I was going to say practise, but don't like that word. :D Let's just say, this is the activity you can do and bring yourself back to, time after time after time. Things will happen along the way as you do this that you wouldn't be able to know or predict, so it's a practise (ok, it snuck in that time) of faith if you like.

And that is to bring yourself back to being conscious when you notice that you're out of it; and on the other hand, when you are conscious, to enjoy and extend and deepen being conscious, which will happen by itself - all you do is make being ever more conscious your direction over, say, the coming year.

Make being conscious your landscape to explore, to discover, to enjoy.

The difference to before seems to be that there is resilience with "being here". The "being here" returns, once stuff slows a bit and is less entrancing. The thing that was draining me so much - for years basically - was, that I had moments of "being here" but briefly and mostly random. And in between there were those long periods of being Matthias. And one thing is sure, he is a really thorough damn critical thinker, wether for good or not. So there was an endless investigation and thought cycles around these moments to assess and investigate etc. Fed by hundreds maybe thousands hours of reading and ruminating all this stuff, training the mind etc., you know it.

The difference came with experience in the end. By just repeating experiencing. Trust came and familiarity.
I can't tell you how stupid that seems now: All books point to experience. But Matthias did what he considers he can do best, "understand" it with knowledge. And there is some use in the path of knowledge and thinking for sure. However, without experience it is totally and completely useless. I wish that not almost everybody had told me so. Funny. Hahaha

It's one of those things that you can only discover yourself - and all the better for it. :)

It is definitely much less of a deal than I expected it to be. No Big Bang. But sneaky. Maybe it is because the bang and fireworks happened 4 and 20 years ago, but I did not get it then. On the other hand something fundamentally changed, but I still cannot point it out. Trust being my best guess.

Ok, was ‘me’/‘myself’/'Matthias' ever a living being that moves, speaks or thinks?

Best wishes,
John

[Zeno]

so it's a practise (ok, it snuck in that time) of faith if you like

Funny. I considered the label "faith", but I settled for "trust".
I also see now, why faith/devotion is recommended in many paths. It really helps to fire up a spark and to grow a seed into a plant. Too easily, the early growth is dismissed, not seen, or misinterpreted. Fortunately or not, for me there was no easy way to have trust. The road is full of fake gurus and cultish figures. Nevertheless, there seems to be a point, where you need to let down your guard. Also, you can consider yourself extremely lucky to find an authentic and genuine and accessible guide. Your effort here is really appreciated.

Regarding practice I want to share this story. One of my teachers told me that Kung Fu, Gong Fu means time spent with an endeavor - or loosely: daily practice. I wrote that on a small paper that was burned in the temple of burning man festival 2016. Actually, I did not really know back then, why I wrote it or what I mean with it. Probably I just thought, it is a cool expression for the wish of improving myself.
My participation in the festival was a coincidence. But at the festival I had my second peak experience in life. The festival is famous for eroding identities of participants. Like an onion I peeled away many identities that were defining Matthias/Me: father, husband, physicist, male, thinker, etc. etc. Then at night at one of the art pieces in the desert, a bigger part of identity or all of it just dropped for some time, maybe minutes. Random people saw the change in me and approached me about it. But not only humans, I had an encounter with a spirit animal, a crow, for real. Maybe a story for another day.
At the time I did not know what happened. I had no language. I told people that "I was there". And "then came back". (Was quite missionary). The afterglow kept me energized for months. Not only energized, it was a blast. Then it faded. Naturally I became obsessed in finding out what happened and it brought me here in the end.
It took a while to filter out all the noise (big energy blast, depression, crazy festival, spiritual peak experience, psychological patterns, fears) from a (back)ground of "being here", especially since most noise centered and reinforced the core person Matthias.
There is another important part about practice. I had the wrong idea, that unpleasant psychological patterns will just dissolve once "I am there". Wrong. (so funny to read this expression "I am there", as if there is somewhere to go to. Also a bit tragic and sad). Of course it was also essential to really take a thorough look at the issues of the Matthias person (while I was mostly identified). Truth is bringing clarity. But it seems that this process is far ... far far from over. There are many patterns that still inform my day. However, it is much easier to identify them now. With identification most dissolve by themselves. Still it takes practice/activity/effort in the future.

Ok, was ‘me’/‘myself’/'Matthias' ever a living being that moves, speaks or thinks?

Ask him and he will give you a very convincing story about his existence. I believed it totally. But since he is just a compounded storyline with handpicked sensations, word-thought and image-thought, he is not a living being and cannot move nor speak nor does he think. There is certainly craft to the piece. However, viewing reality through it, reflects a rather small part of the artistry of the real.
That leaves the question: Who am I? What is that, what is left after Matthias is sitting on a park bench? Intellect gives immediate first answers. But so far all were dismissed. Paradoxical descriptions could work, but do not help. It is in the experience (happening) that "being here" originates.
But, as a greenhorn, I also just took the first step to explore the wonders beyond.

Sailing out, swell is admirable and wind in my face.

Grateful and deeply indebted
Matthias

[s-p-a-c-e]

so it's a practise (ok, it snuck in that time) of faith if you like

Funny. I considered the label "faith", but I settled for "trust".
I also see now, why faith/devotion is recommended in many paths. It really helps to fire up a spark and to grow a seed into a plant. Too easily, the early growth is dismissed, not seen, or misinterpreted. Fortunately or not, for me there was no easy way to have trust. The road is full of fake gurus and cultish figures. Nevertheless, there seems to be a point, where you need to let down your guard. Also, you can consider yourself extremely lucky to find an authentic and genuine and accessible guide. Your effort here is really appreciated.

It's a good point, that taking a leap in the dark in guru-infested waters :D is a tad risky.

Though if we always operate within the limits of what we know or think/believe to be the case, then we'll likely stay well within them, so a risk, albeit a calculated risk, is worth it.

Thank you for the kind words by the way. :)

Regarding practice I want to share this story. One of my teachers told me that Kung Fu, Gong Fu means time spent with an endeavor - or loosely: daily practice. I wrote that on a small paper that was burned in the temple of burning man festival 2016. Actually, I did not really know back then, why I wrote it or what I mean with it. Probably I just thought, it is a cool expression for the wish of improving myself.
My participation in the festival was a coincidence. But at the festival I had my second peak experience in life. The festival is famous for eroding identities of participants. Like an onion I peeled away many identities that were defining Matthias/Me: father, husband, physicist, male, thinker, etc. etc. Then at night at one of the art pieces in the desert, a bigger part of identity or all of it just dropped for some time, maybe minutes. Random people saw the change in me and approached me about it. But not only humans, I had an encounter with a spirit animal, a crow, for real. Maybe a story for another day.
At the time I did not know what happened. I had no language. I told people that "I was there". And "then came back". (Was quite missionary). The afterglow kept me energized for months. Not only energized, it was a blast. Then it faded. Naturally I became obsessed in finding out what happened and it brought me here in the end.
It took a while to filter out all the noise (big energy blast, depression, crazy festival, spiritual peak experience, psychological patterns, fears) from a (back)ground of "being here", especially since most noise centered and reinforced the core person Matthias.
There is another important part about practice. I had the wrong idea, that unpleasant psychological patterns will just dissolve once "I am there". Wrong. (so funny to read this expression "I am there", as if there is somewhere to go to. Also a bit tragic and sad). Of course it was also essential to really take a thorough look at the issues of the Matthias person (while I was mostly identified). Truth is bringing clarity. But it seems that this process is far ... far far from over. There are many patterns that still inform my day. However, it is much easier to identify them now. With identification most dissolve by themselves. Still it takes practice/activity/effort in the future.

Good story, thank you. Yes, it's not so much the patterns as identification - and like all these things, it's easy to fall into the face value of a word - I think words like 'Identification' are best treated like the name of a town you arrive at and know nothing about. :D But, in spending time in the town, you discover bit by bit different aspects and shades of 'identification'.

Because 'identification' is at a meta level to each particular pattern, the more we see 'identification' and how it operates, it can change our relationship to a whole host of patterns at once.

Ok, was ‘me’/‘myself’/'Matthias' ever a living being that moves, speaks or thinks?

Ask him and he will give you a very convincing story about his existence. I believed it totally. But since he is just a compounded storyline with handpicked sensations, word-thought and image-thought, he is not a living being and cannot move nor speak nor does he think. There is certainly craft to the piece. However, viewing reality through it, reflects a rather small part of the artistry of the real.

Cheers.

That leaves the question: Who am I? What is that, what is left after Matthias is sitting on a park bench? Intellect gives immediate first answers. But so far all were dismissed. Paradoxical descriptions could work, but do not help. It is in the experience (happening) that "being here" originates.

But, as a greenhorn, I also just took the first step to explore the wonders beyond.

Sailing out, swell is admirable and wind in my face.

:) Nice. And again, 'Experience' is another one of those towns we arrive at and know nothing about, but set ourselves to discover, sailing out. :D

Ok, another couple of LU prompts for your response. :)

Explain in detail what the illusion of ‘me’/‘myself’ is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.



How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.


With warm wishes,
John

[Zeno]

I think words like 'Identification' are best treated like the name of a town you arrive at and know nothing about. :D But, in spending time in the town, you discover bit by bit different aspects and shades of 'identification'.

Because 'identification' is at a meta level to each particular pattern, the more we see 'identification' and how it operates, it can change our relationship to a whole host of patterns at once.

Thanks! Very helpful.

Explain in detail what the illusion of ‘me’/‘myself’ is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

"Me", "myself" is a compound of body sensations (behind eyes, back of throat, back of chest), word-thoughts, and image-thoughts.

Word-thought is subvocalized, and is therefore part of the body sensation (back of throat). Word-thought forms the inner voice, like a different persona talking. The content of word-thought also involves reference terms to label the experience. Since labeling necessarily differentiates (subject-object etc.), an assumed experiencer is established and labeled as "me" or "I", "Matthias". Since word-thought is the basis of thinking, the dichotomy of self/me vs the rest is also almost ineluctable in the universe of thought (poetry might be an exception).

Image-thought is at the heart of constructing a spatial "situatedness" of sensations that form an inner image of a body and also allows to imagine a hypothetical center for the experience. Image-thought is very subtle, subcutaneous. Still there is much to learn and see how it works. It also still perplexes me when my butt is dissolving into mere sensations and loses spatial characteristics. Together with the visual field that has the perspective of looking out of the head, a "me"-center is modeled or simulated by the mind. It is placed behind the eyes, looking "out". Again, image-thought is really interwoven and it will take time to look more deeply into the workings of image-thought. It is present in normal reality, in daydreaming, dreaming and beyond. But I lack stability in my mind currently. However, it is sufficient to see through the image-thought construction ("I am here") of a position or place for the Me ... where Me is. A subform of this illusion of having a place was the I AM.

Although the parts of the compound can be identified in principle, one is trained to drop into it and feel comfortable in this complex simulacrum. It is or becomes a complete worldview with only hints of its true nature. One becomes or incorporates this idea in body and mind.

The compound does not exist in the beginning but is nurtured and cared for during childhood. It is an important part of developing a sane personality while growing up and become independent. This Self-complex becomes an autonomous and dominant entity, it assumes authorship for the experience and is telling itself that story. A self-enforcing and self-confirming mechanism.

Emotions are also a complex expression of body sensation (back of chest/heart), word-thought, image-thought, but have something else that is part of mind. They have additional meaning. Do not exactly know how to describe that. Emotions seem to access something beyond the material (some people seem to have this capacity in the senses and in thought as well). Why do I bring up emotions?
It is unavoidable that the way of existing with the self, with the core-personality-illusion, comes with specific assumptions. These assumptions will clash with reality eventually, probably necessarily (selfishness, immortality, etc. the usual) and cause unpleasant emotions for almost everybody.

p.s. As a side note, interestingly for me sound seems to be a bit odd in the case of the self construct (as well as smell/taste). But especially sound has a certain characteristic that seems to bypass the compounded self, as it is not part of the core mechanisms (except for spoken language). Maybe that is why music, drumming etc. has this very accessible magic in it?

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

There is clarity. I feel very tired, like when you finished a long task and finally you relax. But there is also curiosity, a spirit of exploration. I just need a little rest.
The voice keeps telling me things like "this is not it", "maybe you fool yourself", "these people are all deluded", "you will see in a couple of days that it will fade again" etc. Guess it is a normal thing that it still occurs?
But often enough, the voice is silent. I have trust or faith now. I have seen the construct once and for all. And even if I might become unconscious of it, knowledge will not fade, but return.

The biggest difference from before I started this dialogue is clarity, silence and also a settlement in terms of intellectual reservations (mostly ethical about responsibility etc.). As I said before, the key is in the experience itself. There, the intellectual reservations are resolved. Within the sphere of thought they are not resolved and unfortunately they never will be. Best approach in thought might be paradoxes or poetry.
Maybe I settle for this as the biggest difference: I thought I can think through it for a long time. *big hearty laugh*

Also, as I said before, the difference of what was "attained?" is not that dramatic for me, although something really changed (paradox again).

Maybe a picture helps: First I read books about jumping over sticks and thought it through a 1000 times, had it all planned. All the details of jumping and sticks and angles and energy and training. A really complex thing filling bookshelves. But I jumped and jumped in though and imagination and never got over the damn stick. Then I figured it could help to jump over a real stick. It took me a while to find a stick, see the stick, learn to jump, and finally get over my fear to do it. Then I looked around and was standing in an impressive forest.

Warmly
Matthias

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Matthias,

That was great! :) Loved the sticks and the forest. :D

Ok, last few LU prompts for your response. Just share what shows up. :)

- What was key in seeing this?

- Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Does ‘me’/‘myself’ make things happen? Is ‘me’/‘myself’ in control of anything? How does it work? What is ‘me’/‘myself’ responsible for? Give examples from experience.

- Anything to add?

With much love,
John

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Matthias,

Just checking in, be lovely to hear from you when you're ready, no rush at all.

With much love,
John

[Zeno]

Dear John,

had a little battle with "maia" or whatever that was meanwhile.

My body broke down on Monday into phlegmatism for 3 days. Getting better since. Thought initially, it is a burn-out or breakdown. Body just stopped carrying me. Slept a lot and was in-between dream worlds. Written off sick by the doctor for two weeks.

Several major life decision somehow timely culminated last week and over the weekend, in addition to the LU process. A once in a lifetime professional job application, which I do not know if I want. An offer to buy the flat we always wanted, aka huge financial decision. 2 work deadlines coming up until end of June.

It is like a test. I slipped badly.

Sailing out, swell admirable, wind in the face. After first major wave, skipper went under deck and hides embryonically in the bunk. Seasick and overwhelmed.

“No self-pity, tea and cake, tea and cake. ...
[Matthias] ... sighed and pushed himself up. He made tea."

Meanwhile I am on deck again. Do not know exactly what happened. Was mostly a physical reaction. Strangely (and differently to the 2 times that happened before, but for one day only) this time I was - to my irritation - quite relaxed with the situation. I was worried and under pressure since I was incapable to function in a timely matter to address urgent tasks. Nevertheless it was overall ok, not depressive. Like: body does not work - ok, that's how it is.

Still. It was like somebody was tripping me.

Also there is a connection to your questions. They are triggering and I knew that was coming. For me they are a big challenge. Much resistance intellectually, experientially, and beyondly.

When not sleeping I was binge watching spiritual YouTube for 3 days. Did not listen. It was soothing, like incense and a sacred atmosphere can be.

I prepared inwardly. Yesterday I had a last honest inquiry confirming what my answer will be during cold shower.
Here is the result. I am aware that stylistically I should be brief, short and concise, (does that signal non-doership)? But I am out of fashion.

What was key in seeing this?

Experience and experience only.

Does ‘me’/‘myself’ make things happen?

Since me an myself are just a conglomerate of thought and sensation. No. Also there Is no chain of events that starts without prior conditions. If there can be something genuinely NEW coming from an individual human is an interesting philosophical and spiritual point. But of interest here is only, if "me/myself" can make something NEW and that is covered by the discussion if there is an actor/doer etc. below.

Is ‘me’/‘myself’ in control of anything?

Well first of all, if there is control, it would be extremely limited. Bandwidth of awareness is unbelievably small compared to what's going on. To think there is control is a hybris that can be refuted by just sipping a cup of tea. The body-mind is just too complex. Best example is automatic driving, which most humans are capable of doing. No awareness at all. No controller, just driving and it works. I drove for hours through heavy traffic without any memory or awareness of doing it.
With the tiny rest? I am still undecided if there is some very limited control of attention. In the shower example (below), it is sometimes astonishing for how long I am capable of keeping attention in focus to wait for a decision (turn cold on or not). Also there seems to be a certain possibility for priming oneself e.g. by repeating a thought ("turn cold on", "turn cold on", "turn cold on" ...). When it happens, is a different issue. It does not work always or immediately, but mostly and eventually. So that might count in a way for a certain priming (intention?) or limited/localized control.

Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

*gulp*
In experiencing there is no choice, no control, no free will, no decision, no intention.
Why? Choice, control, decision, free will are all thoughts ascribed to past ("facts") or future events.
No chooser -> no choice etc.

I investigated this answer thoroughly. I take a cold shower every morning since almost 5 years. This is roughly 1500 times the free-will, choice, intention and decision to turn on cold water and shower. Not pleasant, or is it? I watch that decision/choice consciously since I started, and the way it happens changed a lot over time. In the end it is not complicated from the point of consciousness/experiencing and I do not go into detail here: A hand grabs the handle and turns on the cold water. I shower cold and at some point, when the ritual is finished the hand turns it off. Ahhh! There is no doer/actor whatsoever in sense experience and I am drawn to the perplexing stillness and beauty that such "experiences" uncover.
This is true.

But what is truth?
I know the answer above "in experience there is no choice ...." is the "correct" non-dual answer. It is also my honest and best "true" answer from my experience, when Matthias is sitting aside at the park bench with Samurai-Intellect.

But do I have proof and moreover, what constitutes proof? And with that question, I am aware, that we are entering the realm of THOUGHT. So that might be a moot undertaking to begin with. In the end thoughts also just happen and there is no thinker that I found. But somehow it carries meaning for me and is a point of resistance and also development. So better I describe it, not to leave some unfinished business.
Ok, do I have proof?
No, I do not have proof. Because - after the shower I cannot go back in time to repeat the choice and test if it was really a choice or my free will. Yes I did it 1500 times, but each time was different. And each time I either cold shower or not. When I shower cold, there was no choice. When I shower warm, there was no choice either. It just happens by itself. No chooser. No decision. Everything happened as it happened. A chooser, choice, etc. is only a descriptive thought after the experience (could go in lengthy detail here).
But what does that show me? It only shows the irreversibility of time or irrepeatability of the now. There is only one timeframe for me in experience. So the refutation of free will could be described as based on time's irreversability, given my current state of consciousness of still experiencing in time (Although some cracks started to appear here). I basically lack the means to test, if there was no choice. It just seems evident, that there is no choice. But that is the same structure, like if Matthias watches and reports back about his choice and free will. For him free will is evident.
Due to the same reasons, Matthias logically cannot affirm free will. Free will only appears in a retroactive description assuming two different timeframes, that did not happen both.
Therefore free will is wrapped in the paradox of time (for me).

Result: If choice and free will is in reality/truth an illusion or not, that is undecidable for me at the moment. Empirically, from my limited point of view and without having the right means for the test, I can affirm absence of free will, choice and even a thinker etc.. These are all thoughts. In THOUGHT, Scientifically/Experimentally I can neither affirm absence of free will nor presence of free will. There is currently for me no way of going beyond that, unless I step (not in thought) out of perceiving in time.

However, without Matthias it is much more relaxed to take a cold shower, I can tell you!

How does it work? What is ‘me’/‘myself’ responsible for?

I do not like the talk about the relative and absolute. A rhetoric often used in buddhist and advaita or in general in non-dual-"descriptions". In my opinion it is only employed to avoid apparent paradox. I am in favor of paradox, the self critical, moebius-escher-bach like, self referential impossible nature of those descriptive realms. There is no non-paradoxical way of describing conscious experience, let alone awareness of awareness. Relative/absolute language is an illusion of logic, where logic fails. Same trick as in set theory: define your paradox invisible. Not that this is done with bad intention, it is a concession. In the end, poetry or art might be the only way to get close.

Ok, how does it work. In experience: no choice, no control, no free will, no intention. In description (thought), I could ascribe a free will. In truth (and that is here also THOUGHT): I do not have any clue. In TRUTH (from knowing): does it matter?

There is the THOUGHT that this direct experience here could be very very limited and narrow (even if liberated/awakened). In THOUGHT there is a skepticism that it is quite a stretch to assume that this experience/knowing here is a pars pro toto. Why should my experience of no doer/actor be in any way the model for the world? Many models are also quite solipsistic to the extent that I am the world. This then makes an argument necessary for the big Self/God/Consciousness etc. We landed in the realm of metaphysical THOUGHT.

So what? Just live with the paradoxes of thought and go for "direct experience"? That is definitely quite relaxing. But why do all these spiritual paths make such a fuzz about their descriptive models? All MODELS I know so far seem to be invested in the effort of convincing others with thought based arguments instead of just saying: Fuck thought, fuck truth, just go for what is your experience! Because obviously that would be a disaster if taken as a recipe for society and is not practical therefore. No Model so far was purely based in experience, although many claim so.

There seems to be no practical escape from the the realm of meaning. So back to relative/absolute language and voila there is personal responsibility back on the floor. Without a chooser or free will. How to think that now? *headscratch*

BUT, it is more and more dawning to me, that there is meaning without thought. As with automatic driving it seems that almost anything in daily life happens based on a model that is totally informed by meaning, but just works automatically. It is ethical, responsible, knows conscience, but without any Ego-awareness, I-thought etc. However, meaning cannot be purely automatic, meaning always participates in consciousness. So there seems to be something working that is conscious, and does not communicate with me on the awake level, but basically runs my day (and in extension the whole show). What is IT? How does IT work? I have no clue. Metaphysics without Thought.

Anything to add?

What happens with freedom is then the next construction site.

I wished I could hear Nagarjuna and Nesforz having a chat at the fireplace under the stars. Maybe they would remain silent.

p.s. sorry again for this rather long post

[Zeno]

Dear John,

still my body experiences some abreactions here - feelings and emotions.
I wished I could just spend a couple of days in quiet, but somehow there never seems to be room for that.
Hope you do well,

Warmly
Matthias

[s-p-a-c-e]

Dear Matthias,

still my body experiences some abreactions here - feelings and emotions.
I wished I could just spend a couple of days in quiet, but somehow there never seems to be room for that.
Hope you do well,

Anything like that shows up, breath through them, good comfortable consistent breaths - whether for a minute, or 20 minutes.

Breathing is quite the integrator, quite the grounder.

Big hug!

Much love,
John

[s-p-a-c-e]

Dear Matthias,

Have sent you a PM if you could have check. :)

With much love,
John

[Zeno]

Big hug!

Thanks John.

What is going to happen now? Are we waiting and resting for a while?
Since you did not give a response to my long post yet, that somehow keeps me on my toes.

Having a lifeline here is reassuring and keeps me from drifting off at the moment.

Guess I do not know what to do now.
I still sleep a lot.

Warmly
Matthias

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Matthias,

Big hug!

Thanks John.

What is going to happen now? Are we waiting and resting for a while?
Since you did not give a response to my long post yet, that somehow keeps me on my toes.

Having a lifeline here is reassuring and keeps me from drifting off at the moment.

Guess I do not know what to do now.
I still sleep a lot.

The way it works is that once a thread here has reached some completion - whatever that means :D - then one of our Admins gets in touch to let you know of other groups you may be interested in. Also, you've got my Facebook page should you want to keep in touch that way.

I do love my sleep too. :)

"Guess I do not know what to do now."

You wonder every moment how grateful we are to have this opportunity of living in, and of, the mystery of life.

With much love,
John