hi I'm Douglas and I'm seeking a guide to help me out

[doug1976]

Hi,
Just joined liberation unleashed.
I got curious when I watched the interview on Buddha at the gas pump.
I've had experiences of emptiness with various practices.
Yet there's like a boredom and a sense of not enough almost like life is not enough.
So usually I abandon the practice and return to what I know.
So I was wondering if you could guide me to that no self .
As I'm writing those words I can feel that emptiness and yet I have a doubt.
Douglas

[jimw]

I will happily be your guide!

Before we start there are a few things that we ask from clients (those being guided).

They are:

1. Complete commitment to the process. Posting everyday (or as near as possible, life pending!)
2. To avoid other spiritual teachings, books etc. just for the time being.
3. To be completely honest with your guide.
4. To only speak from your direct personal experience, not concepts or other teachings.

We ask these things to make to make the process as efficient and easy as possible for both parties.

What do you think ? Are you ready to start ?

[doug1976]

Yes great ,
Ready;)

[jimw]

Hi Douglas, that's great!

First of all, could you please tell me what your expectations are of liberation ? Just get it all down, have a good rant.

Jim

[doug1976]

The first thing that comes to mind ,
I would have an easier life , it might bring me power a sense of worth,
Being carefree , might increase my musical talent , bring me recognition and fortune .
I realize I have so many expectations.
Beyond all that a sense of absolute peace and total safety and no fear.

[jimw]

The first thing that comes to mind ,
I would have an easier life , it might bring me power a sense of worth,
Being carefree , might increase my musical talent , bring me recognition and fortune .
I realize I have so many expectations.
Beyond all that a sense of absolute peace and total safety and no fear.

Douglas - I don't like to tell you this, but that is all fantasy - a future that doesn't exist. What we do here is guide you towards reality, to see that there is no 'I' or 'me'. It is a shift in perspective. Whatever is happening now, is happening now. And now. And now. It is just happening.

Two questions for you to answer.

What is it, the thing that wants an easier life ? What is this thing, the 'self', the 'me', where is it, what does it look like ?

What comes up when I say that there is no 'self' no separate entity, that self is just a label ?

[doug1976]

There's an anger a feeling of 'but I want that!!'
And ' I will get it , I will be heard'
A forcefulness is there.
I want to be heard and seen , acknowledge.
I have a fear of not existing ,
totally disappearing then what will happen to me and my needs.
As I'm trying to locate that self there's a hardness and I'm finding hard to see where I am there.
Just a hardness.

[jimw]

There's an anger a feeling of 'but I want that!!'
And ' I will get it , I will be heard'
A forcefulness is there.
.

OK,lets look at these one at a time. 'I want that'. What is doing the wanting ? Is there a little Douglas sat in your head pushing a 'no self' button ? Or could it just be that wanting is appearing all on it's own and that there is nothing separate from the wanting ?

I want to be heard and seen , acknowledge.
I have a fear of not existing ,
totally disappearing then what will happen to me and my needs.
As I'm trying to locate that self there's a hardness and I'm finding hard to see where I am there.
Just a hardness

It's OK. Fear of not existing is very, very common. A little voice in your head saying, 'but if I look and see, then I will disappear!' I am here to assure that all you will loose is a false belief, a thought, a label for your body and a bundle of thoughts/memories/sensations.

Life will continue, but you will be grounded in reality. Once you have seen it is the beginning of a new perspective.

Please answer these questions for me (and feel free to use the quote facility - there is a thread that explains how to use it - it makes our conversations easier to read).

When you say you want to see no-self, what is having that wanting ?

When you say you have a fear of non-existing, what is it that will be lost - where is it, what does it look like, what does it feel like ?

What is the 'me' that is having needs ? Or are needs just appearing ?

You are doing well Douglas - keep going!

[doug1976]

When you say you want to see no-self, what is having that wanting ?

When you say you have a fear of non-existing, what is it that will be lost - where is it, what does it look like, what does it feel like ?

What is the 'me' that is having needs ? Or are needs just appearing ?

A sadness is there feels soft , there are thoughts of "it's pointless ...."
There's a sense of being stuck being small , contracted helpless.
Futility.
I can feel lots of stuff but not much of me feeling that.
It feels eternal , stretched , time stopping
A deep sense of Ok.

[doug1976]

A slowing down almost like a death .

[doug1976]

There's an absence and then; A "no one " feeling that emptiness and beyond there's a breath and I have nothing to do with that breath it's not mine it's fresh new ,there,
Innocent.

[doug1976]

So I find myself searching for that nothing or no one and , well I have a concept of it ok this is nothing and I look there
Feels empty dissolved still feels like a place I could stick a flag in and declare it conquered.
Impatience grows and I want it now back to square 1 lusting after that .
Please help :)

[jimw]

OK Douglas lets go through these one at a time.

A sadness is there feels soft , there are thoughts of "it's pointless ...."
There's a sense of being stuck being small , contracted helpless.
Futility.
I can feel lots of stuff but not much of me feeling that.
It feels eternal , stretched , time stopping
A deep sense of Ok.

You say there is a feeling of helplessness, of contraction. This sounds like fear coming up. That's OK, let it be. You also say there is a deep sense of OK. Yes, it is OK. Everything at this present moment, is, as it is. No point in fighting thoughts, just try to let them be.

You also say there is a deep sense of 'OK'. Sounds like a crack in the fear opening up.

A slowing down almost like a death .

Do you mean a slowing down of time, or slowing down of thoughts arising ?

There's an absence and then; A "no one " feeling that emptiness and beyond there's a breath and I have nothing to do with that breath it's not mine it's fresh new ,there,
Innocent.

Sounds like you have experienced an glimpse of absence of self. You are right, you do don't have a breath, there is no you to have it. There is a body called Douglas, in this body there is a brain, lungs (breathing), a nervous system, awareness (via the brain and nervous system) and thoughts within the awareness. There really is no 'you' though. There is no little Douglas inside your head controlling what you feel or think or experience. These things just happen.

So I find myself searching for that nothing or no one and , well I have a concept of it ok this is nothing and I look there
Feels empty dissolved still feels like a place I could stick a flag in and declare it conquered.
Impatience grows and I want it now back to square 1 lusting after that .
Please help :)

Douglas - this text seems a little scrambled.

Can you please answer the following for me so I know where to go next:

1) Are you saying that you you think you have experiences of 'no self' that come and go ?

2) Is this process bringing up a lot of fear and/or negativity ?

[doug1976]

1) Are you saying that you you think you have experiences of 'no self' that come and go ?

2) Is this process bringing up a lot of fear and/or negativity ?

Yes I'm nothing and I'm afraid.
I want to have control on that no self that's where the fear is

[doug1976]

Just had an insight nothing trying to control nothing:))
Funny when I look at fear I find nothing
How can nothing be afraid of nothing
Nothing .