No self

[Skygazer74]

Hi Juliana,

Of course, enjoy it and take all the time you need and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

Nic

[Juliana]

Dear Nic,

Thank you. I will be in touch.

Julita

[Skygazer74]

Hi Juliana,

How are you doing? No pressure, I just wanted to check in and see if I can be of further assistance or if you wish to complete the process?

Best wishes,

Nic

[Juliana]

Dear Nic,

I am doing well. Thanks for asking. How are you?
No, I do not want to complete the process yet. Give me some more time please.

Thank you.

Juliana

[Skygazer74]

Hi Juliana,

Happy new year! Would you like to continue, or finish the process?

Best wishes,

Nic

[Juliana]

Dear Nic,

Happy New Year to you too!
I would like to continue. I am going on a silent retreat in January, and I am going to explore some more. I am sure I will have more questions.

Thank you

Juliana

[Skygazer74]

Hi Juliana,

I hope you had or are having a fruitful retreat?

With absolutely no ill will or impatience, I just wanted to remind you that the agreement is for regular posting and enquiry, it works by my asking you questions rather than the other way around. It seemed to me that you either saw through the illusion or came very close to it, and with a short period of guidance I have no doubt we can get you through the gate. This also opens doors for other resources for you, if liberation is not sufficient :)

I can only wonder whether the pulling away might be some kind of resistance?

Best wishes,

Nic

[Juliana]

Dear Nic,

Thank you for your email. I am still getting used to it. It seems that there is a lot conditioning left. I am not really sure how to work on it. Especially conditioning I don't like or is not beneficial to this body. Any suggestions?

Juliana

[Skygazer74]

Hi,

Good to hear from you. Can you say more about the conditioning? Do you feel like the self illusion has fallen away? It may be that there are post gate forums and resources that could be useful, but I have to conclude this enquiry before I can point you there. I’m also happy to share my experiences if it might be useful

Best wishes,

Nic

[Juliana]

Hello Nic,

Yes, I saw through the illusion. Has the separate self fall away? Yes and no. It comes and goes. The belief is not there most of the time. I see my behavior as kind of automatic and robotic. I am not sure if I passed through the gate or not. Maybe I am somewhere in between?

Yours,

Juliana

[Skygazer74]

Hi,

So what happens when it comes back? Is it a habit of thought or something more?

Nic

[Juliana]

It is a habitual thought.

[Skygazer74]

Hi,

Can you find an inherent self anywhere, outside of thought?
Do you feel that thought is solid or real?
Is your world dictated by thoughts?

Best wishes,

Nic

[Juliana]

Dear Nic,

I cannot find inherent self outside of thoughts.
Thoughts are neither real not unreal. They come and go. Where do they come from? How are they so specific to a particular body?
Yes and no. My world is dictated by thoughts when I think about my future, my relationship failure, etc. I think that there is something I should do...Neither real nor unreal.
And no when I just sit there.

Juliana

[Skygazer74]

Hi,

Sounds like you are going through some challenging times, sorry to hear that.

Thoughts are neither real not unreal. They come and go. Where do they come from? How are they so specific to a particular body?

Have a look - can you find where they come from and go to?

Just like sensations then, also specific to a body conventionally referred to as mine or yours. There is this wonderful word 'suchness' and it springs to mind, the way things are is simply such, as it is. Life is living itself, everything arises and passes, in a way it is perfect unless thought tell us otherwise..

My world is dictated by thoughts when I think about my future, my relationship failure, etc. I think that there is something I should do...Neither real nor unreal.

We looked at the body, we looked at sensing, but we didn't look at agency, so I would like to try this exercise with you:

1. Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.
2. When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.

Don't go to thoughts, examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
What is it that is controlling the hand?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
How is the decision made?



Best wishes,

Nic