Being in awareness

[Jadzia]

I don't think I feel anything about this realisation - it's as if something deep inside (or wherever) is saying "ooh yes, I know that" and that's it.

If you think of the 3D picture example again, all is there the whole time, although one might focus more on one view than on the other. You don't learn anything new here, just remember a few things and shift your overview a bit.

Well really, it's clear - while thoughts are part of what is happening/AE - they and their content are not necessary for any action. Life/action/AE happens all by itself. It's becoming clearer and clearer ☺️.

Beautiful.

Here is a lovely experiment to really see if thoughts are the instigator of a descision, if self is via thoughts the decider and chooser.
The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.
2. Count to 5.
3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:
Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to ‘choose’?

Love,
jadzia

[SaraStar]

Hello Jadzia - just found space to do this exercise :-)

Here is a lovely experiment to really see if thoughts are the instigator of a descision, if self is via thoughts the decider and chooser.
The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

So I'm typing after completing each step:

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

The qualities just appeared themselves.
There was no preference that I could find.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

This was interesting because as I counted I found that there was a 'trying not to think about the drinks' thought showing up - I think there was concern not to find a preference while counting!!! In all honesty, there was no choice about the 'trying' or about whether preferences or counting took front seat. There was no choosing going on in AE that I could find. Thoughts came and went while counting, there was awareness of wanting to do the exercise as described but after counting to 5 I was amazed that my hand reached out to take the milk and not the water. I can only 'think' or 'imagine' that my body reacted to wanting the qualities of one and not the other but there was definitely no mental function making that choice in AE.
Now you ask...no, I don't think I have seen a function of 'choosing' in action - choosing, it would seem, just happens!

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Nothing arose saying 'I am the chooser' but what did appear was this concern about not influencing my choice i.e. thinking about which would be nicer to sip once I'd counted to 5. This is hilarious - there I am worrying about doing the exercise 'properly' and not thinking about making a choice before I got to 5 and even with all that there was no idea which drink was going to be picked up. If I'm totally honest, once I'd reached 5 there was a small pause and then my hand reached out...so was I thinking "which would I prefer, what do I want to drink right now"???? No...in AE all that can be seen is all the thought, the wanting to do the exercise 'properly', the pause - all of that was happening and in spite of all that, my right hand picked up drink B.
No 'I' am not the 'chooser' - the choice appeared random. I do have a question though... my drinks were milk and water. If I'd been really thirsty there would have been a natural draw towards the water but that would just be the organism taking what it needs wouldn't it? That's not an 'I' choice is it? That's nature taking what it needs which is just being isn't it?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to ‘choose’?

Hmmm...I'm not ever aware of having 'felt' a choice. I've certainly said "I made a choice" but now I see that no-one is doing the choosing - things just happen without any input from a mental faculty it would seem from this exercise.

This has been so interesting Jadzia, thank you :-)
Love
Sara

[Jadzia]

Sara, wonderful work.

Yes, is no chooser, no one doing it, it just happens. There might be a string of thoughts trying to do the explaining bit, but well, they happen.

Please for the next hours just check choice and decision again and again, keep a keen eye on thoughts, watch them like a hawk.
When does a thought like "I decide for this, because...." or " I choose this because....." turn up?
Before, during or after action?

Have fun!

Love,
Jadzia

[SaraStar]

Good morning dear Jadzia ☺️🌻☺️

Sara, wonderful work.

I'm just really really finding this liberating and opening.

Please for the next hours just check choice and decision again and again, keep a keen eye on thoughts, watch them like a hawk.
When does a thought like "I decide for this, because...." or " I choose this because....." turn up?
Before, during or after action?

Ooh gosh.... This isn't easy😅! It's like trying to tap your head with one hand while rubbing your belly, at the same time, with the other hand😄. Everything is so fleeting, it is almost impossible to catch 'choice', 'decision' and 'thought' all in action. Being like a hawk is hard, I need to BE a hawk. But hawks don't have lots of things going on, their job is to just watch and pounce. The amount of things going on since I got your message (apart from sleeping) are almost impossible to keep an eye on because every choice/decision/thought happens all so closely together, almost indistinguishable one from the other; almost as if it is all just one movement of being without any overseer deciding, choosing or thinking - it all just happened. But, how do I know that I'm not just saying this because perhaps laziness showed up and it is too difficult to distinguish it all one from the other. Maybe even a hawk would have a hard time!!
Please stay with me here - I'm writing what is coming up right now in order to see what is showing up in AE, including thought....

A hawk sees a tangible moving form it wants to eat - easy. I see a lovely tangible tub of vanilla ice cream that I want to eat, easy! A hawk follows it's inner guidance systems to survive by hunting for food. There are many systems going on to bring it to the point of watching and pouncing but they are not thoughts, decisions or choices because animals don't work this way. Hmmm.... Humans think that humans work this way through choices, decisions and thoughts. Every time I thought I was catching what was happening it all just disappeared like smoke - there was no format to be found, no thought then decision then choice. Things just flowed through.

Did I decide with thought and choice to go to the WC or did my body just need to eliminate waste. The dogs circle around and around looking for the right place to pee - is this choice and decision? I know, automatically, where to go based on a need. Sometimes I wait too long then the need becomes more urgent. Did I make a choice based on thought: "no, I much prefer doing what I'm doing, I won't go now"? Was there thought of being able to leave the WC until later or was I just being and happening where I was until I couldn't be there any longer and had to move to the WC?

Sooooo Jadzia... On reflection....I can't find any separation of thought, choice and decision in being - as I attempted to watch it was as if something was saying "what are you watching, what are you looking for?" - at one point I found that if I spoke something out loud like "I'm going to get a glass of wine, would you like one?", I had already experienced a desire to have a glass of wine before talking about it. Then did I think to ask my partner if he wanted one or did I just ask without any thought? It seems that action or desire to act, e.g. knowing I want wine then getting it, happens on its own...I don't 'think' there was thought such as "ooh I'll ask Mat if he wants a glass" - the asking just occurred - out of habit? Politeness? Desire to share? I don't know - it just occurred.

Action happens and then there is thought... Do you know the funny saying: 'act now, think later'? It seems ludicrous when people say that in films etc, as if it's the wrong thing to do but it seems it is the only way things happen.

Over the hours, things flowed - nothing was in sections about choice, decision etc. There might have been all sorts of thought going on - either commenting on what was happening or chattering about nothing relevant. So if everything just flows out of some natural consequences then thought about it all is just some weird joke about letting us 'think' we have planned it all out: cooking, going to the WC, drinking wine, reading a book etc - it all just is. Different people have different patterns: partying until 04.00, taking cocaine, being sick etc... But the happening is still the same - just flowing.

I am writing, I'm not thinking what to write, things are just coming onto the page, just flowing without choice or decision.

Hoping you can make sense of some of this Jadzia.
Love
Sara
p.s.
(I still don't know how I'd categorise researching for and writing my bachelor's and master's theses... There was thought and decision about how a paragraph should be, which information should be presented in which way etc....can that happen without thought and decision?)

[Jadzia]

This is a pretty good description of the flowing and happening! :-)

Action happens and then there is thought... Do you know the funny saying: 'act now, think later'? It seems ludicrous when people say that in films etc, as if it's the wrong thing to do but it seems it is the only way things happen.

It is the dream of a being which is separate from everything else and has sooooo much to do. All that thinking, deciding, choosing, looking, hearing and so on, tsk, overwhelming at times, lol.

I still don't know how I'd categorise researching for and writing my bachelor's and master's theses... There was thought and decision about how a paragraph should be, which information should be presented in which way etc....can that happen without thought and decision?

There never has been a thinker or decider. Never ever. There ever was only an idea of being one.
So you can relax: it all worked well before, right?
Little hint - Wait for the idea to come up for the structure and follow all writing and research impulses. If one happens, off you go!
The thinking "I should do this or that now" can sometimes get into the way of the right time.

So with thinker, decider, chooser seen as illusion, let's have a look at the self as controler - and there is a lovely little experiment you can try:
1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Love,
Jadzia

[SaraStar]

Hello Jadzia :-)

I still don't know how I'd categorise researching for and writing my bachelor's and master's theses... There was thought and decision about how a paragraph should be, which information should be presented in which way etc....can that happen without thought and decision?

There never has been a thinker or decider. Never ever. There ever was only an idea of being one.
So you can relax: it all worked well before, right?
Little hint - Wait for the idea to come up for the structure and follow all writing and research impulses. If one happens, off you go!
The thinking "I should do this or that now" can sometimes get into the way of the right time.

The way you wrote it had me remembering how essays and research would fall into place. I did always wait for a 'handle' on which to hang all the information - I would literally, after all the reading and notes, wait for a couple of days, doing nothing, and then it would appear. Once that happened then everything else could flow. It's lovely to remember this, thank you :-).

So with thinker, decider, chooser seen as illusion, let's have a look at the self as controler - and there is a lovely little experiment you can try:
1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?

I don't know. There is a nervous system without which movement wouldn't happen but what is working the nervous system???

Does a thought control it?

No. Apart from the instruction to do the exercise, which is in thought but the instruction isn't controlling the hand movement. Thought is not controlling this.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No control mechanism can be found. There is no controller.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

This was fun, interesting...I keep turning the hand but the minute I try to make a decision to turn it (now this is weird) it doesn't necessarily want to turn!?!?!?! The instruction for the exercise is there but that's not making the decision for the hand. Trying to think a decision to turn the hand feels intrusive to the nature of the movement. How really odd. So apart from my little experiment, which didn't work, no decision making process can be found.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Hmmm...I could say natural instinct 'chose' the right hand - I am right handed. A natural happening, there is no choosing mechanism that I can find apart from natural consequence maybe.... otherwise no mental faculty choosing, no-one choosing.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

NO NO NO, definitely not - that feels too weird now even to think about. No, no separate individual or any-thing controlling/choosing anything here.

Gosh this is so subtle yet simple, difficult to see yet it is in plain sight. What a process of surrender and peace this is :-).

With love to you Jadzia
Goodnight
Sara :-)

[Jadzia]

There is a nervous system without which movement wouldn't happen but what is working the nervous system???

You'd like to check this, nervous system, in your actual experience??????
Same with "natural instinct" and "natural consequence".

Does that what we call nature has an existence or is it just a concept, describing a lot of different things?
Can it be known what nature is?

So the controler went over board, too. :-)

Gosh this is so subtle yet simple, difficult to see yet it is in plain sight. What a process of surrender and peace this is :-).

It is sooooo simple and that is why it is so easy to look into another direction and to fabricate so much.

Love,
Jadzia

[SaraStar]

I am so sorry für the delay Jadzia...

You will have a response from me by the end of today.
Love
Sara

[SaraStar]

There is a nervous system without which movement wouldn't happen but what is working the nervous system???

You'd like to check this, nervous system, in your actual experience??????
Same with "natural instinct" and "natural consequence".

Does that what we call nature has an existence or is it just a concept, describing a lot of different things?
Can it be known what nature is?

So the controler went over board, too. :-)

Jadzia...I think I have come to a road block 🤔... Can you help me here?
So...I know we talk about things being evident in AE and if we can't find it in AE then it isn't. But science/biology shows us how human anatomy works so we know that the nervous system is responsible for movement... apparently. How can we just say things like the nervous system doesn't exist? I'm not arguing here, I'm asking you to take me through this as I don't understand this - things that we know are there through evidence based research and knowledge, such as physical structures in the body etc... Please explain this as I really don't know or understand how non duality sees this.

I'm also not sure whether I understand what you meant by:

So the controler went over board, too. :-)

. I've lost my way a bit or I've just stopped being able to see what you are describing 😔...

If you could just explain some of this to me, like you did a while back when, in one paragraph, you explained AE to me. That was so helpful.

Love
Sara

[Jadzia]

Alright, I went a step ahead, further than LU go. We are very stubborn with AE here and ask people to leave all they know behind just for the investigation. Nothing you learned is rigth or wrong, but it might be a bit different. :-)

Here is a little experiment for you, just to see that some things aren't really what we think they are.
Take a rest and lay down for a while.
Let thoughts do their thought thing, watch them for a while and then at some point decide not to heed them overly much for the duration of the experiment. Just stretch your senses and don't care for explanations by thoughts.

Let me assume you lay on a sofa or bed, when you look you see the ceiling, right?

Now close your eyes and for a moment sense body the way you are used to, all the sensations floating by or seeming to be here. Enjoy the relaxation and enjoy some good breaths.

Now try to feel the distance between body and ceiling.
Is there a body, a distance, a ceiling?
Without opening your eyes, can you be really sure that the three exist?

No control mechanism can be found. There is no controller.

You wrote this in the post before the last one.
Maybe I shouldn't have written that the controler went over board, but hey, good, no controler.

Don't worry, you are really doing well.

Love,
Jadzia

[SaraStar]

Jadzia.... I'm so excited - it's beautiful

Here is a little experiment for you, just to see that some things aren't really what we think they are.
Take a rest and lay down for a while.
Let thoughts do their thought thing, watch them for a while and then at some point decide not to heed them overly much for the duration of the experiment. Just stretch your senses and don't care for explanations by thoughts.

Let me assume you lay on a sofa or bed, when you look you see the ceiling, right?

Now close your eyes and for a moment sense body the way you are used to, all the sensations floating by or seeming to be here. Enjoy the relaxation and enjoy some good breaths.

Now try to feel the distance between body and ceiling.
Is there a body, a distance, a ceiling?
Without opening your eyes, can you be really sure that the three exist?

Awareness tells me there is pressure (where bed and body meet but it is just pressure), there is breath, there are sounds BUT there is absolutely no sense of distance to a ceiling from a body because in actual awareness (being really strict) that's all there is: the breath, the pressure and sounds. No body, no ceiling, no distance.

So the 'knowing' that there is something called a nervous system isn't something that can be experienced, there is nothing apart from a hand flipping one way and the other (from the last exercise) because that is all that can be seen in awareness, in actual experience....yaaaaay🥳😄🥳!

Throughout the day an analogy kept popping into my mind: a tennis ball... It has fluff, colour yellow, white lines and air in the centre which can't be seen or experienced. All these 'separate' things make up the tennis ball yet they are all the tennis ball. So if I'm a tiny part of the ball and others are also part of the ball... When the ball can't bounce so well, it's the whole ball that can't bounce, not just 'separate' parts of it that can't bounce. Or... If part of the fluff gets pulled out a bit, it's still part off the whole and the whole is also the experience of that part of fluff that is sticking out. It is all one even though there are apparently different aspects of the ball - none of those aspects are separate from each other, they are all the ball and the ball is all the parts....

I'll stop talking now before my excitement starts to make no sense 🤭😄🤭!

With love
Sara

[Jadzia]

No body, no ceiling, no distance.

Right no body, no distance, no ceiling.
This is a beautiful something to do before going to sleep.

Throughout the day an analogy kept popping into my mind: a tennis ball... It has fluff, colour yellow, white lines and air in the centre which can't be seen or experienced. All these 'separate' things make up the tennis ball yet they are all the tennis ball. So if I'm a tiny part of the ball and others are also part of the ball... When the ball can't bounce so well, it's the whole ball that can't bounce, not just 'separate' parts of it that can't bounce. Or... If part of the fluff gets pulled out a bit, it's still part off the whole and the whole is also the experience of that part of fluff that is sticking out. It is all one even though there are apparently different aspects of the ball - none of those aspects are separate from each other, they are all the ball and the ball is all the parts....

:-) <--- Big fat smile here.
This is non separation! One which is many and the many which are one. Sounds so wonderfully daft until one gets it. ;-)

Awareness tells me there is pressure (where bed and body meet but it is just pressure), there is breath, there are sounds BUT there is absolutely no sense of distance to a ceiling from a body because in actual awareness (being really strict) that's all there is: the breath, the pressure and sounds.

There is an awareness of something called sensations, to tell what the sensations are is story telling by thoughts.
Lets look at breath, breathing.
There can be something called air in and out of nostrils.
And something called movement of ribcage.
But with closed eyes one can only be sure of what?

Here is something else to try, this body excercises are so much fun:
Please find a quiet place and a quiet time.
Sit or lay down and relax. Close your eyes and relax.

Can you attend to sensation exclusively?
Not minding thought babbling about this and that?
Not minding thought labelling sensation for a bit?

Thought may tell: "I am lying here" or "My body is lying here" or "A body is lying here".
But could this be known from pure sensation?

Thought might suggest: "There is a soft pressure against the back".
But could you know about "pressure" or "back" from pure sensation?

Once arrived there, while ONLY attending to sensation, please have a look at the following questions:

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair/bed?

Is there an inside or an outside at all?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

Enjoy!
Love,
Jadzia

[SaraStar]

Dear Jadzia

I've been taking time with this as I've wanted to work with the exercise not just as an exercise but apply it, like you suggested, to daily living and I have.

Awareness tells me there is pressure (where bed and body meet but it is just pressure), there is breath, there are sounds BUT there is absolutely no sense of distance to a ceiling from a body because in actual awareness (being really strict) that's all there is: the breath, the pressure and sounds.

There is an awareness of something called sensations, to tell what the sensations are is story telling by thoughts.

. Yes.. I get this - amazing, yes even sensations can't be without some thought/label in our mind can they (laughing here). I really get this :-).

Lets look at breath, breathing.
There can be something called air in and out of nostrils.
And something called movement of ribcage.
But with closed eyes one can only be sure of what?

Still using labels for the moment (air, rib cage etc) - with eyes closed one can only be sure of movement.

Here is something else to try, this body excercises are so much fun:
Please find a quiet place and a quiet time.
Sit or lay down and relax. Close your eyes and relax.

Can you attend to sensation exclusively?
Not minding thought babbling about this and that?
Not minding thought labelling sensation for a bit?

Thought may tell: "I am lying here" or "My body is lying here" or "A body is lying here".
But could this be known from pure sensation?

Thought might suggest: "There is a soft pressure against the back".
But could you know about "pressure" or "back" from pure sensation?

This is weird to experience (I think 'mind' wanted to block this work. It was as if it was saying "oh, this is too tiring to think about"!!!!! I caught it in it's attempt to trick me though!) Sooo...basically from pure sensation, without thought/labels, all there is is awareness of sensation and I don't mean "I am aware of sensation" - I mean there is a sense sensing sensation. So no...sensation can't tell me "I am lying here" or "there is pressure against the back". All sensation does is sense what is. That is what I experienced while washing up, going downstairs to shut the door when the dogs came in, hoovering etc.

Once arrived there, while ONLY attending to sensation, please have a look at the following questions:

Can it be known how tall the body is?

No. With eyes closed and ONLY attending to sensation, there is no possibility of knowing/experiencing how tall the body is.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

This couldn't be known through pure sensation alone. This can only be known by applying 'thought knowledge'.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No, no shape or form can be found. This also cannot be known in AE without 'thought knowledge'.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair/bed?

This was really interesting and strange to experiment with because 'thought knowledge' got really got tricky while I was exploring this.
Stroking our dog, Molly, I focused on my fingers holding her skin and fur. Trying to sense whether there is a boundary between fingers and fur caused quite some difficulty.
Firstly there was "well I know where my fingers are and I know what fur feels like and that is different from what my fingers feel like so of course I can know a boundary between the two"!!!
Secondly, I stopped listening to 'thought knowledge' and labels and just focused on sensation. This was hard because I was aware of sensations feeling different - sensation of one thing moving on another thing so that felt like there could be a boundary.
THEN I thought "well...boundary is a label" so I explored what it would be like if I didn't know 'boundary'. If there were no labels then it would just be movement - one thing moving on another thing. I can't know this but I did wonder if, without words/labels/thought, sensation of different textures would be experienced at some level inside.
Eventually a picture of stone age man, before language, appeared out of nowhere using hand to hold stone to break something - all just movement and a question, also appearing out of ???, asked me "would s/he experience an objective difference between these 3 things and would there be a sensation of 3 boundaries if s/he had no 'thought knowledge'?"
To be honest Jadzia this did my head in!!!! It's like trying to imagine being blind - so hard to know something not known and so hard to not know something known - aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!! And so the exploring continued....
As the day went on (until writing this) I just let things happen, trying to sense where/if there was a boundary.
Where I am at RIGHT NOW is this: like the stone age man, everything is flowing without needing to 'know' anything - it is all happening and there is no sense/need for a boundary thought sooooooooo......
Sensation might experience warm thing touching cold thing but there is no knowing of 'difference' or 'boundary' so my answer now is: NO BOUNDARY CAN BE KNOWN IN AE - phew, how hard it is to find what is simple!!!!

Is there an inside or an outside at all?

For some reason this was easier to realise. Closing my eyes and trying to sense where 'inside me' ends and 'outside me' starts, no different experience or boundary could be found - everything just is as it all is - all just one together, inside me and outside me all one, not even merged into one because merge implies something was separate but this doesn't feel like anything is separate at all - it's all just as it is in one.... oh lord...

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

This was unbelievable: When I say the word body and try to incorporate everything 'I' live in - I couldn't make sense of a whole thing that I could see that solidly and tangibly says body. I don't know what 'body' ACTUALLY refers to. Perhaps, a bit like the tennis ball, there is ....hmmmm, now I can't find what I thought was showing up - lost it!! So, no, here and now as I type in AE I see movement (fingers and words appearing). There are sensations of cold and some aching but with no thought stories about sensation, I can't find what the word refers to.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Haha...this is fun :-). After all of this (above), all I can find is movement or not movement. Things moving or not moving, things happening or not happening, things being what they are being. That's all folks :-)!! No Jadzia, after all this exploration, I now can't find anything other than this moving or not moving when there is only sensation and no thoughts/words/labels.
Finally, there is this sense of sensing sensation but I'm not doing it, there is no doer of this sensing so I don't know how the presence of sensing is there or what it is but it's like a base level of being in being and sensation.

This is my offering to you, my exploration into the unknown and I just find that what is known isn't what is happening - oh lord...there is a 'head' ache happening now (laughing)!!!

Thank you Jadzia
Love
Sara

[Jadzia]

It is so beautiful to read how you come to your conclusions in your own unique way, jumping into exploring, being thorough and enjoying it!

.... with eyes closed one can only be sure of movement.

Now look carefully, what is movement in AE?
Don't worry if you don't come up with an answer right now, just let the question sink in, we will return to it.

.........everything is flowing without needing to 'know' anything ...

Isn't this not knowing a huge relief?

NO BOUNDARY CAN BE KNOWN IN AE - phew, how hard it is to find what is simple!!!!

Yes, no boundary, no inside no outside, one seamless whole.

Finally, there is this sense of sensing sensation but I'm not doing it, there is no doer of this sensing so I don't know how the presence of sensing is there or what it is but it's like a base level of being in being and sensation.

Is there a difference between sense of sensation and the sensation?

This is my offering to you, my exploration into the unknown and I just find that what is known isn't what is happening - oh lord...there is a 'head' ache happening now (laughing)!!!

It might be time for a lovely glass of wine or something sparkly for relaxing and simply enjoying what you found up to now and have a little break.
For today drop looking, tomorrow is a good time to answer the questions.

Love,
Jadzia

[SaraStar]

A glass of Hochriegel Rosé sent is in my glass right now 😄🥂🙏