Looking for a guide

[ajay]

Do you think that the belief in "I" is lost and you have seen the Truth of no-self?

Honestly I don't know If I have lost the belief in "I". I feel like it is hard to say anything without going in mind. This "I" wasn't strong to begin with. I sense this is no-self.

Would it be possible to let "world" to flow through this place of happening, that used to be called "Ajay", without being disturbed, gently noticing all thoughts that would try to seduce Ajay into existence?

I think so, old Ajay may pop up but will be noticed quickly and gently. As I have been moving with my daily life since last two days, I notice that is the case. Are there any trace of Ajay left here? I don't see it but very hard to say. I have to go back and look for Ajay. I will keep test driving this no Ajay thing and let you know if he shows up again.

Do you care about something in the world enough to be disturbed by it?

Disturbed as in turmoil, likely no. But laughs and tears certainly will/do happen.
Answer based on my current experience is no.

Are you able to accept any life situation without calling the old Ajay to action?

Yes. I think response will be fresh and normal. Ajay has been falling apart for a while. I believe that emotional turmoil situations and some concepts of no-self / realization were holding it no Ajay back. This just keeps getting ordinary. Please keep posting questions.

[mag]

Hi Ajay,

Let the life live itself and report me your findings, how the world looks like with no Ajay? Describe what you see. Confirm your no-self realization by going through some situations that were difficult for old Ajay, and report how was the experience?

If Ajay, the personhood, is still there, we'll investigate remaining beliefs that are supporting it.

If Ajay, is experimentally not found, let me know when you are ready to answer the LU confirmation questions.

[ajay]

Hi Mag,

Sounds like a plan. Do you still prefer me to report every day on this thread?

If some concepts about old Ajay or relaization comes I want to bring them up for sure. I don't want to leave anything unresloved.

[mag]

Take time, let's say one to three days, so that daily living confirms you whether your still believe in "I" or not. I just want to read few paragraphs of description of how living without "I" feels like for you. That's it.

[ajay]

I want to write something here as you mentioned. I'll write from current and recent experience, also from the clarification of things.

Life is happening as it always has been just with one belief less, one very sticky belief that was sticking to other beliefs and causing unnecessary troubles.

It is just day-to-day ordinary life happening with little more simplicity and flow. It is unexpectedly ordinary. Thoughts pop in and out. Thoughts about old Ajay comes up? Yes, but noticed quickly.

There is less of a commentary behind the doing since there is no one behind the doing. All is happening but no one is behind, what a relief. Life can flow and experience itself freely.

I am just noticing a tiny sensation from the words that would have caused an inner division just a few weeks ago. I mean the words that would have caused a discomfort. May be this registering will completely disappear? I have no idea, but it is not much of a concern since there is no one to register. There is just a noticing of that, oh there is that thought that was believed. Sensations are there but no one sensing and looking for a story in them.

[mag]

OK. I think it's time for you to answer the final questions that we have here in LU, in order to make things more clear and to make it easier for other guides to confirm if seeing happened indeed. It may be that through this process we find some remaining beliefs that support a very subtle personhood of Ajay, or then maybe not, but we'll see.

These are the questions. Please, answer them in detail, take your time.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

When your answers are ready, I will show the thread to other guides - maybe they will have some more questions. I will probably come up with something on my own too. So, be patient :)

[ajay]

Yes, let's make sure that there is no trace of Ajay, not even a subtle one. I'll take some time to respond to these questions. No need to rush here : )

[ajay]

Mag, This seeing of no-self is not an experience at all, it is just a subtle realization that there is no Ajay. Similar to like finding last missing piece of a puzzle. No experience of No Ajay. I wanted to confirm this or any other doubt that may pop-up before proceeding to LU questions.

[mag]

Yes, it's realization, Seeing what is obvious, relaxation from the agitation of seeking (of anything), and returning to world to do what life calls for. Realization has answered one's existential questions. Nothing outside of this present moment has a great appeal anymore, planning is seen not very fruitful. Life can be trusted. This is how it was for me. We can clear all your doubts and even continue investigating personhood before going to the final questions, if you feel so. In any case, we will not confirm you prematurely, no worries.

[ajay]

That's helpful. I will keep posting any doubts and questions as they may come up.

[ajay]

Mag, Here are some of the questions or doubts that came up.

1. I observed arising of witness or watcher as wanting to be part of this no-self and wanting to feel special. Is this common? What do you suggest?

2. Can there be any identity formed around this no-self at all?

3. Can there be any doubts about the decision making in day-to-day life at all?

4. Is there any settling in or adjusting to seeing of no-self?

All these questions are very similar but I wanted to raise these, raising these questions appears to very helpful.

[mag]

1. I observed arising of witness or watcher as wanting to be part of this no-self and wanting to feel special. Is this common? What do you suggest?

Feeling specialness implies allways there is a somebody to feel special about. Nobody is at home. Ajay doesn't exist, and never did. Just look beliefs associated with feeling special. See them false.

2. Can there be any identity formed around this no-self at all?

All identities are FALSE, and we want to get on the solid ground of Truth, Being.

3. Can there be any doubts about the decision making in day-to-day life at all?

Sure, it's just mind confused. Many beliefs may remain to obscure decision-making even after Seeing no-self. Just ask "what is the belief that prevents clear decision making now", LOOK at it, drop it, and operate based on a simple feeling that is aligned with reality.

4. Is there any settling in or adjusting to seeing of no-self?

Sure, there is. But believing in "I" is either YES or NO. And we need to work until it's clear NO.

[ajay]

I want to write this paragraph to cover my response.

As I was pondering this morning. Mind is just a tool to be used for functional purpose only, it is of no use to look for an identity in there. It doesn't understand no-self and confused with the idea of no-self. There is no believing in "I", what is seen as false can't be un-seen. These traces are just mind trying make a sense of it which it can't. My intention with bringing these up was just to get your feedback and clear these.

[mag]

Mind is just a tool to be used for functional purpose only, it is of no use to look for an identity in there.

Mind is a functional tool, yes, and that's what mind is useful for. BUT mind has also dreamed an identity "I" into existence which is NOT a very useful thing for practical life.

It doesn't understand no-self and confused with the idea of no-self.

No-self is self-evident for mind once it's seen. It's the end of confusion for mind. Intellectually and before seeing, it can be confusing to mind.

There is no believing in "I", what is seen as false can't be un-seen. These traces are just mind trying make a sense of it which it can't.

If unreality of "I" is seen, that can't be unseen. But until that you are a 100% believer in "I".

So, what are your beliefs supporting that a separate entity, "I", exists? Everything in life happens on automatic, what for is Ajay needed?

[ajay]

No-self is self-evident for mind once it's seen. It's the end of confusion for mind. Intellectually and before seeing, it can be confusing to mind.

How can mind see no-self? I mean thought can't see no-thought. Maybe I am not communicating correctly here. Could you elaborate?

If unreality of "I" is seen, that can't be unseen. But until that you are a 100% believer in "I".

Are you saying even a thought of watcher will not arise once unreality is seen? Watcher or observer or I is just a thought from my understanding. I am just referring to popping up of a watcher thought and disappearing.

So, what are your beliefs supporting that a separate entity, "I", exists? Everything in life happens on automatic, what for is Ajay needed?

There is no belief supporting the "I". Arising and disappearing of the watcher thought is what I was trying to be clear on in my last post. Ajay is not needed as an "I" thought. I still respond to when someone calls my by name though, so Ajay label remains but not believed in.