Looking for guidance

[Brian.Hales]

"The panic attack, words, and ideas are just experiences fears, nothing to be avoided, in fact they just show what needs to be investigated."

This is exactly what was seen. Normally when panic happens or any type of fear, a resistance starts in the mind and body that says this should not be. Now with the realization dawning that there is no self, the fear and panic was seen as what was spontaneously happening and there was no resistor anymore. This has never once been my experience in the past.

"I don't think you are crazy."

I don't even know what to say... Thanks! lol... There's a big non-identification with mind going on here, so any BS that the mind throws out is seen through pretty quick.

"I have a two year old boy and a girl on the way."

Congrats on the new baby... being a Dad has to be one of the greatest joys in the world, and one of the hardest.

"Lift up your right hand and wave it. Do this. Notice that no one is doing it.
Pick up your right foot and lightly stomp on the floor. Notice that no one is doing it.
Yes there is choice to do this or not do this. It doesn't change the fact that no 'person' was doing anything."

As I was driving along the other day pretty much doing this exercise, a funny idea came. You know when some dope comes along and makes some kind of outlandish claim like "Jesus walked on water, and could levitate" or some such shit? Then after they make this spectacularly ridiculous claim and I start to differ in my opinion, they say I have to prove that he didn't. lol. The fool doesn't understand that the burden of proof lies on his shoulders, not mine. Anyway so as I was doing these exercises, the mind is pretty much insisting that there is an "I" or a "me". So another thought came along right after that and said "prove it, now obviously if someone is going to make a claim that a self exists that can't be seen, heard, touched, smelled, or tasted... I say prove it!" Then all together the mind came to a screeching halt, and was kind of like, what? Prove it? How the fuck can that be proven? Where would I even begin to prove something like that? So I looked at my legs... nope not me. looked at my hands... not me. looked at my body... not me. Hmmm but I keep saying "my", so these things must belong to me... right? But where am I? As far as I have been able to see, the self is only an image in the mind... a phantom... How can I prove a phantom exists?...The spoon never was there... Ah hah! There it is... that goddamn thing never was there...
Funny thing is... things don't feel much different, but whatever...

"Try it. Listen to some song that gives you chills and look for 'I' and other during it."

These exercises definitely are helping, throw as many as you know over here in the pool... I'm jumping in!

[jeffdilbeck]

I don't think you need any more exercises Brian.

Of course you think 'mine'. You learned to do that when you were a little kid and started this story of 'me'. It is just a story and you now know it.

Do you identify with any self?

Where do thoughts come from? Where does that lucky $20 on the ground come from? Where does that raise at work come from right when you need it?

Love,
Jeff

[Brian.Hales]

"Do you identify with any self?"

Brian doesn't exist and never did.

"Where do thoughts come from? Where does that lucky $20 on the ground come from? Where does that raise at work come from right when you need it?"

I have no idea.

[jeffdilbeck]

I don't know either.
:)
I also don't know what is inside emptiness. :)

What is the next step? Who takes the next step?

Me is a total story, a fiction, like the spoon, totally imaginary. If I told you that Donnie Darko's bunny is right behind you, would you look? So when you look for you now, is there anything you can identify with? Do you start looking? Your odds are better to find a man in a scary bunny suit, because that could exist, a 'you' is not possible.

I remember when 'mine' was created. The horror! Childhood ended! I started with regret. I became the experiencer.

A recap:

When thinking stops, 'me' is not there.
Me is imaginary like the spoon, or the bunny.
Mind cannot grasp that it isn't a 'me' just like eyeballs can't see themselves.
We don't know how or what fortune is, or why the content of these stories does what it does.
There is no controller, manager, or experiencer in reality.

Any identification is a story now. Do you see? Any idea of me or mine coming from this place, is a story.
Brain and body produce me. There is no you/spoon/santa/toothfairy/batman/donnie darko bunny/me/donnie darko.

Does mind understand now?

Take some time with this. Fight the first urge to get back to me, and try to integrate this into your day. This is your push. All it takes is just seeing that when thinking stops, there is no one there.

Love,
Jeff

[Brian.Hales]

So apparently this brain/body system paints the blank canvas of suchness with the brush of imagination. This is a major realization. Let me mark it down as another accomplishment in the strange imaginary life of Brian.
What a weird thing going on here on this so called Earth... Wow
Makes that "all the worlds a stage" quote by Shakespeare make a whole lot more sense. I get it very clear now...

[jeffdilbeck]

sending love.

[Brian.Hales]

I don't know what to say man... I just don't know anymore.

[jeffdilbeck]

How are things going?

[Brian.Hales]

Life is carrying on pretty much the same... Actually I've been a little cheerier than normal. You know, I saw this on a certain level, so going a little deeper isn't too much of a shock to the system. I guess I'll just continue on with the act for a while, see how that goes... I don't know

[jeffdilbeck]

Does it seem to be becoming integrated into the system now?

[Brian.Hales]

If I'm a story jeff, then you are a story, every god damn thing we all pretend to know is just a pretty little story. Yeah I'd say it's getting integrated... whatever that means. I believed I was a person moving through a world... Now I don't believe anything.

[jeffdilbeck]

If I'm a story jeff, then you are a story, every god damn thing we all pretend to know is just a pretty little story. Yeah I'd say it's getting integrated... whatever that means. I believed I was a person moving through a world... Now I don't believe anything.

:)

Let's take a brief look at direct experience.

You wanna feel some 'real'? Put both hands on both cheeks and feel life. That is real.

What if this is all there is?

What we do here is guide to show that 'I' doesn't exist. The body and brain are real, and the 'I' is an illusion. If you don't want to investigate this, that is not a problem. :) The thing that will lift the big imaginary weight you think you are carrying is right where you are. I'm sorry it is so hard to see. That's why people who can see it try to help others who are looking for it.

Love,
Jeff

[Brian.Hales]

I'm sorry man, that last post came off a little rude, but was not intended that way.
What do you think of the implications of what you just said? What conclusions have you come to about it?
To me it seems unbelievably strange that we all (meaning the whole human race) run around playing this incredible game. Everyone seems to believe all kinds of incredible stuff, and then act like it all makes sense.
One of the beliefs that I was choosing to believe was that I'm a person trying to escape from my problems. There are no problems, and there is nobody to escape from them. It was all a spoon, a trick of mind, illusion, maya, an unexamined belief.
I look around and see a world of illusion, an incredible play of mind. Where we are the actors on the stage. Only we forgot that we're acting. We all have names, jobs, husbands, wives, children, sisters, brothers, pets...arguments, affairs, crime, war, and incredible cities and communities that are our sets where we act out this spectacular drama. Completely unaware that we don't know the first damn thing about who, what, where, or why...
Then a person (actor) like me thinks "I'm not happy" "I don't feel right" "something feels wrong" "what is the truth?" and is driven by an insatiable drive to find out. It's pretty obvious what doesn't feel right. I am a lie, through and through. Every defining feature about me is part of the play. Ask someone who they are... They will describe their part perfectly. They're a mother of two, married for 14 years, they work at a law firm, are having an affair with the pool boy blah blah blah.
Its very clear that the only real is the direct experience. Everything else is total imagination. Period. End of story.

[jeffdilbeck]

Have you noticed yet that everyone seems to be reinforcing their illusory "I" constantly ?

Love.

[Brian.Hales]

You mean people complaining about how so and so did this to me, or how they got cut off in traffic? That kind of thing?