In need of a guide and clear seeing

[KateChristine]

Hi there Nona,
It's been a few days and the quiet gentleness is still here.

Over here we call that Living. ;-)

And that really is what it feels like. There's nothing complicated and as each moment, hour, day unfolds, life is always here.

Yes. And it is always there for you. Any time you look, it's there.

I really get that now. There's a moving in and out of the awareness of that, like waves, like leaves breathing, like seasons turning; it's all the same movement expressing itself in different ways.

There really is a shift in perspective that makes all the difference in this experience of life. That's all it is. No lightning bolt; just a shift of perspective.

Yes. I cannot say when it happened, or even how, but it has. Whether there is a 'me' or not now feels almost irrelevant in the sense that the living of this life continues regardless; that just IS what's happening, whether I believe it or not. It goes beyond belief. If I believe, or don't believe, well, I've realised that that's just another thought. It just IS like that. When there is no thought (and even when there is) the living of life is there. The difference from before the shift, however, is that the awareness is now aware of itself. I feel a looking in on itself. There's a quietness that underlies all that comes into play. Everything is here in all sorts of different manifestations: thought or non-thought, two or one, on or off, green or red, anger or joy. It all is... I am seeing that there is no opposition or conflict, just movement, and realising of one thing because of another, but it's really the same thing. Very beautiful.
A small anecdote: I was in the post office yesterday, waiting in line, and the woman in front of me was complaining. She got louder and louder until she was absolutely screaming and everyone in the room was just looking at her as she yelled at the serving person about a lost package or something. Something happened then. I saw the role she was playing as clearly as I could see her body. Inside and silently I started to laugh, but not mockingly, with genuine admiration. She absolutely believed everything she was saying and the chaotic role she was playing. I was so impressed! I could see too that there was something in her that was NOT all that. The watcher in her was totally calm and loving. I recognised that which I am is also that which she is; I really really saw it. Of course after a while she calmed down and went on her way, but I felt so grateful to have witnessed that. I didn't say anything to anyone; the comments behind me in the queue were just as funny and fake as the behaviour of the woman. Amazing!
Love
K

[nonaparry]

Wow, Kate! It sounds like the storm has cleared the air and left a peaceful calm.

The watcher in her was totally calm and loving.

Is there a watcher that is separate from that which is being watched? Ever?

Everything is here in all sorts of different manifestations: thought or non-thought, two or one, on or off, green or red, anger or joy. It all is...

Haha! Unity includes duality!

Since you are now aware of the shift, I am going to ask you our usual completion questions. Take your time to answer in great detail, from the heart.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who was interested but has never heard about this illusion.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

looking forward to your reply,
love
Nona

[KateChristine]

Hi Nona, well, today seems to be a good day to be answering these questions so here goes.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

The simple, heartfelt answer is, no. And no. There is still sometimes the impression or memory or trace (like the trail walked through the grass and slowly the grass is growing back over it) of a 'me' but that's all it is when it is looked at. It is immediately seen through. There is no entity; there never was. Therefore, the 'me' that believed in itself no longer has any energy to do so. It is like an addiction that is no longer being fed.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

Quite honestly, I am not sure how to explain an illusion, but I'm asking the question and waiting for the answer... Now that the belief in a separate self has fallen away, it is difficult to explain something that never was... Perhaps it has to do with the physical body and sensorial perception. The fact that a part of consciousness seems to be anchored in a physical body can give the impression that it is real and solid and that things can happen to it. Through education and conditioning, learning takes place and belief is established. So it perhaps starts with thought and verbal engagement, and we replace direct experience with thought/word. Given that thought and emotion move through the body and we are taught that the content and context of this is unique to each 'separate' person, we can look in a mirror for example and believe that what we see in front of us is a real 'me'. So the belief 'I am this body' or 'I am this name' is not so difficult to imagine. But we forget that although we can look in a mirror, we cannot see our own eyes. There is a projection that takes place and we learn to believe in the projection. This is reinforced by a collective conditioning on a societal level and we often do not stop to question the reality of this belief. It is not grounded in anything. We are also taught to interpret rather than to look, so there is a tendency to create layers of stuff that aren't really there in order to explain things in a way that fits in with an interpreted version of reality. Direct looking results in seeing and it is immediately clear that 'me' as an entity is an illusion.

3) How does it feel to see this?

Amazing. Very liberating. It feels like skinny dipping :-) There is a great sense of relief as the constraints of too-tight clothes fall away. Peace is a natural state that needs no alteration or interference.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who was interested but has never heard about this illusion.

That's a tough one. I guess I would make sure that they really were interested... because I'm not sure that it really matters that much. What I mean by that is that 'no self' quite simply is. Therefore, everyone already is that. I am not convinced that I would attempt to describe it or that I feel a need to explain it. I guess I'll find out if ever I am confronted with someone who asks. If there is suffering involved and the person asking was sincerely interested in knowing about this illusion and not simply wanting to reinforce the illusion through more 'noise' as such, I guess I would state quite simply that when one realises that there is no self, there is no suffering. When I stopped believing in 'my story' then the story of 'me' stopped and now I know that I am free, just as I always have been.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Well, something clicked and I finally GOT the difference between thinking and looking. All the time that I thought I was looking was actually spent thinking about looking! The questions that were asked here at The Gate allowed looking and seeing rather than thinking. There was a moment of 'crisis' and I suppose that it acted as a kind of catalyst and that it was necessary for me to see that even in the most difficult of states, thoughts are just thoughts and it is only the belief in and engagement with those thoughts that give them any kind of energy, which in itself is an illusion, so really there is absolutely nothing that can happen to 'me' because the 'me' does not exist! From that point the fear just fell away, exposed as hollow and needless. In the mental exhaustion following that crisis the mind stopped and that was a beautiful gift (which couldn't have happened without the storm) because it permitted looking rather than thinking and what I saw and still see is that everything passes and moves within this. There is the movement and the stillness and all that lies in between and beyond. There can be no separation; it simply is not possible and that has been seen quite clearly. What is different about this seeing to what was before is that this does not need belief to be. It just is.
Thank you so much for the guidance you have offered, Nona. Amazing.
Love
Kate

[KateChristine]

I forgot to say, Nona, that I am going away tomorrow and I'll only be back on the 16th sept. I'm here for another 24 hours or so and after that I don't know if I'll have much access to the internet, as I'm off to the Scottish Highlands - lakes and mountains and silence :-) It would be lovely to hear from you before I go, but if you don't get the chance, I'll be in touch when I get back.
Love, K

[nonaparry]

How marvelous that you're going walkabout! Perfect.

I am going to open your thread to the other guides now, who will read your answers, and, possibly, ask more questions.

We have a couple of aftercare groups on Facebook, where gatecrashers can interact, ask questions (for example about kundalini experiences) or look at any leftover stressful beliefs.
Be aware that the decades of conditioned behaviour and responses are habitual, even if currently apparently dropped; many gatecrashers report that after a 'honeymoon' period of sweetness and light, they seem to be reverting to a 'me'. Of course, that's not possible, and merely LOOKing, focusing on direct experience, is all that's required to reconnect. Sort of a Grounding exercise for Mind.
If you have interest in our groups, "friend" me on Facebook: Nona Parry

I have very much enjoyed our conversation! Thank you so much.
love
Nona

[KateChristine]

Excellent. Yes, I'm aware that the honeymoon doesn't last, but what's interesting is that what is being experienced now goes deeper than any 'state' that has come and gone up till now. The physical sensations and symptoms are fading. I still get the occasional wave of heat or nausea, but that is also a 'state' and is therefore subject to movement. It doesn't worry or bother me as there is an experience of abandon and trust that everything is exactly as it needs to be. The looking, seeiing and being what is, well that is a constant underneath, above and through it all. As you say, whatever movement occurs, all it takes is to look and a reconnection takes place.
I'll check in when I get back and check out the groups too. As for friending on Facebook for the gatecrasher groups, that sounds great. For FB: Kate Ashmore and I live in France.
I too have very much enjoyed our conversation and I cannot thank it all enough :-) Take good care, Nona.
Love, K

[nonaparry]

Four other guides have confirmed that you have SEEN the illusion. I looked for Kate Ashmore on FB and there are severa.l When you are able, friend me Nona Parry (Yesya) (in Wellington New Zealand) and I will add you to relevant groups. Thanks so much for being so open.

love
Nona