Clarity

[Plant31]

‘I’ as a separate self cannot be found. Thoughts of a separate self still arise such as ‘I don’t feel like going to work’ but quickly lose their power within a split second when they are seen through. Self inquiry happens instantly without effort looking at ‘who doesn’t want to do to work?’ Can the who be found? The ‘who’ can never be found. The thought seems to dissolve. There is just a knowingness of thoughts and sensations arising and falling. The mind is much quieter and even emotions don’t seem to be appearing as much. It is clear there is no separate self.
Thank you x


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[Seamist]

Great Becca
Let's continue so that any uncertain edges can be explored.
Do you have unpleasant thoughts? Do you want to have them? If you had any control over thoughts, don’t you think you would choose not to think such thoughts at all? Wouldn’t you be able to choose never to have thoughts that seem to make you unhappy?
xx

[Seamist]

Though if you feel you are "done" let me know. In the end, you are only the person who can know that for sure

[Plant31]

Happy to continue to be sure.

Do you have unpleasant thoughts? I do have self critical thoughts about not being good enough, worrying what people think and thoughts about wanting to change circumstances. But I know they are not real and catch them quickly.

Do you want to have them? I would prefer not to have them. They definitely don’t have as much power.

If you had any control over thoughts, don’t you think you would choose not to think such thoughts at all?
Yes but we can’t control thoughts. I’ve definitely realised this now.

Wouldn’t you be able to choose never to have thoughts that seem to make you unhappy?
Is there any need if there is no self. Who is there to be unhappy? Thoughts just arise. They are not who we truly are. However, I do have a belief that through this process or with regular meditation that thoughts become purer in nature and have less power. That the more time we spend as awareness it becomes brighter and all encompassing, so the ‘unhappy’ thoughts are like a spec of dirt on a glass window. So it doesn’t matter if they are there or not.

Thank you for your guidance Sioned. xx


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[Seamist]

Morning Becca,

Yes but we can’t control thoughts. I’ve definitely realised this now.

yes, it seems really clear that you have. Thoughts just happen - do you agree

Is there any need if there is no self. Who is there to be unhappy? Thoughts just arise. They are not who we truly are.

Tell me more about "who we truly are" : does a "true self" exist?
xx

[Plant31]

Thoughts just happen - do you agree?

Yes I do agree, however it was the voice in my head (the voice that reads along in my head) that I felt like I could control as it seems controllable but I realise this is coming from the same place as the other thoughts that seem more random and also I realise that there is no controlling anything.

Tell me more about "who we truly are" : does a "true self" exist?
What I meant by who we truly are is our true nature. The one who knows, the part that is witnessing everything. It’s hard to even say ‘the one’ but essentially I mean awareness / consciousness. For me it still feels like awareness happens in my third eye, inside my head. But I know my head is just sensation.
I recognise that there is no experience of an outside world and all my experience is happening through sensations, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting internally. However, when people say we are all one, this doesn’t feel that way to me. I understand we all share the same ultimate being of consciousness, I just still feel separate from other people. I know I experience them internally and they only exist for me in this way. Is that what us being all one is?
Sitting in a room, consciousness does not seem to be in the ‘curtains’, but my experience of the ‘curtains’ is in me. So I’m the centre of my consciousness so how does this make us all one?
I may have gone off track here, but hopefully you can see where I’m getting stuck.

Thank you so much
x


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[Seamist]

HI Becca
Too much thinking! Try to just notice it happening, but not getting caught in the content - it won't help here. The way to "see" is only through direct experience - trying to work it out just leads to confusion - as you know for yourself. Put down anything you may have read or thought about awareness (etc) for the time being.
Does that make sense?
So... I'd like you now to move on to this next exercise:
When we look very closely and precisely we come to see that “me” thoughts only refer to other “me” thoughts, not to an actual abiding “me.” Observe thoughts with precision; can you ever find a ‘me’ within the “me” thoughts and feelings, or just a sense of me?
much love
Sioned

[Plant31]

Thank you Sioned. Yes, it’s just a sense of me but no ‘me’ can be found. Interesting point about ‘me’ thoughts only ever being about a ‘me’.
Thank you. I see that I was doing too much thinking.


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[Seamist]

great
and Pay attention to mental activity – to thoughts and images in the mind. Where are they arising? Are they inside something? Are they central to you, or are they peripheral? Do they leave any trace when they have gone?
xx

[Plant31]

Where are they arising? Are they inside something? Are they central to you, or are they peripheral? Do they leave any trace when they have gone?

It’s hard to find the place where they are arising. I always thought they were inside my head, but the more I look, the more I can’t find them. I can’t find the me to who they might be central to. As I look for me, there isn’t anything there. It feels as though they are arising in an open space. The sense of this feels more towards the top of my head but again, when I try to locate them, I can’t find anything, just sensations of a ‘head’. They definitely leave no trace of ever existing. It all feels very fluid and there is nothing to hold on to.




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[Seamist]

Evening Becca
Great noticing!

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more,
Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?
Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word. Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?
Now say the word “I” aloud. Is that sound YOU?
Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”
Is the thought, "I exist" you?
Is the thought "I" you?

xx

[Plant31]

Thank you Sioned. I’ve been looking at this over the weekend. I might just need a little longer to respond properly. Will message this eve. Thanks. X


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[Seamist]

that's fine, Becca. Take your time xx

[Plant31]

Look at the word, is that YOU?
No, there is only seeing the letter ‘I’.

Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU? There feels like a calming space around this, with sensations around the heart, my body moving up and down as I breath, a heart beating, a voice in my head.

Is that sound YOU?
No, it’s a ‘voice’ that is heard.

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?
No, I can’t find a ‘me’.

Is the thought, "I exist" you?
No, it’s just a voice thought arising.

Is the thought "I" you?
The thought of I is definitely not me. The thought of ‘me’ feels more solid although I know that is just a thought too. I cannot find ‘me’.

Thank you xx


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[Seamist]

Good - now repeat the exercise but substituting "me" for "I". As below:
Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more,
Write the word "ME" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?
Speak the word “ME” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word. Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?
Now say the word “ME” aloud. Is that sound YOU?
Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”
Is the thought "ME" you?
xx