I don't know

[Iana]

Or only in what is seen( colour)?

[Matthew]

It seems like we're not going anywhere here.

You say

not very good at expresing myself

But try!
Just do it.
This here is a mere input-output-system.
My questions can only be generated by way of your answers.
If there is no input from your side, then there cannot be great output from my side.


Let us start fresh!
Have you ever considered that this person, this personality, this name, this story, even this body.
That all this is just a mask?
What would you be without this mask?

What would you be without a name?
What would you be withou a story?

No , but i think i replaced "I" with this body. The body is seeing, hearing, feeling

What would you be without a body?
What would be left here if the body disappeared?

[Iana]

Have you ever considered that this person, this personality, this name, this story, even this body.
That all this is just a mask?
What would you be without this mask?

What would you be without a name?
What would you be withou a story?
What would you be without a body?
What would be left here if the body disappeared?

If all this would disappear what would be left is seeing, hearing, thinking, feeling, tasting and smelling and the awareness of them. It feels like I'm aware of seeing, seeing is happening and I'm aware of it. I'm aware of thoughts appear, of sounds happening. I feel stuck here, if "I" doesn't exist, then who/what is aware of all this?

[Matthew]

Easy insights:
Does it need a "who" or "what" for a tree to grow?
Does it need a "who" or "what" for the heart to beat?

who/what is aware of all this?

Does it need a "who" or "what" for awareness to be present?

Have a look at this place where thought says there's is a "who" or a "what".
What can you SEE at the place, where thought says: "Here is my face"?
What can be SEEN there?

[Iana]

Does it need a "who" or "what" for a tree to grow?
Does it need a "who" or "what" for the heart to beat?

No, the tree doesn't need a "who" or "what" to grow, the tree is just growing, and a heart is just beating.

Does it need a "who" or "what" for awareness to be present?

No, the awareness just is present

Have a look at this place where thought says there's is a "who" or a "what".

Ex: a sound is happening, thought: someone/something is aware of it. It's just another thought about who or what. The awareness happens and the thoughts about awareness appear, that is " me" "mine" "not mine" "then who, what" blabla

What can you SEE at the place, where thought says: "Here is my face"?
What can be SEEN there?

Thought says :"here is my face", it's like thought pointing somewhere to look( a thought can't point), but all i see is "colour " , labelled phone screen.

[Matthew]

Have a look at this place where thought says there's is a "who" or a "what".

It's just another thought about who or what.

When looking for the subject in any situation, all we ever find is thought.
Thought cannot constitute a concrete entity. It just tells a story about such things.

When looking for the subject in any situation, we cannot find anything really.

So when looking for the subject in any situation, what do we really find?

Nothing!
Right?

Have a look!

[Iana]

When looking for the subject in any situation, all we ever find is thought.
Thought cannot constitute a concrete entity. It just tells a story about such things.

When looking for the subject in any situation, we cannot find anything really.

So when looking for the subject in any situation, what do we really find?

Nothing!
Right?

Have a look!

Yes, i can see that! The thoughts are telling is something that i can't say what is, but even ignorig this thought ,remains nothing.

I was thinking with this problem of expressing myself, maybe you can help somehow. All the time when have to talk to someone, talking to the phone, i panic, it's like I'm afraid of people))) i have no idea how i got the courage to write here on forum. All the time thinking what to say, how to say, will i be understood corectly, afraid of being judged, afraid not to upset someone, and the list can continue. And i see all this are thoughts about "I". And i want to write more, to explain more of what's happening with the exercises , to give more details when i answer your questions, but i can't, when i take the phone in my hand to answer you , i feel blocked, thoughts about what to write, how to write, and i don't know what to write.

[Matthew]

afraid not to upset someone

You're not upsetting anyone here. That is impossible.

afraid of being judged

You're not being judged here.

will i be understood corectly

That doesn't matter too too much here.
Don't worry about it.

i panic, it's like I'm afraid of people

There are no "others" in the classical sense.
This goes well beyond the things that are covered here in The Gate.
Just a quick glimpse:
What you call "others" is just an appearance in you. "World", "others", "the me-person"... All these are seamlessly an appearance in you.
Others cannot harm you, you cannot harm others.
There are no others, there is just thought creating apparent others.

Once this is thoroughly and deeply realised, the mindset toward "others" and also "me" will change dramatically.
In a good way. In a very good way!
You stop caring about thoughts and feelings of "others" and even thoughts and feelings labelled "mine".

How does that sound?

How to accomplish that.
Well first of all you have to acknowledge, that truth is always true.
It is already true in this very moment.
The fact whether this is already realised or apparently still unclear does not change the truth.
It is true already.
It is a path without distance.
It is a "path" that leads to the realisation of what is true already.

How to accomplish that.
The investigation has to continue until the coin drops and you see the already perfect truth.
There are many coins to drop, but this whole no-self-story is one of the most important milestones.
Afterwards, everything becomes a lot easier. Also the investigation of other aspects.

All the time thinking what to say

How to continue the inquiry under these circumstances in a fruitful way.
Try this:
When there is a question, don't think about it.
When thoughts about a possible answer appear, treat them for what they are. Not much more than an old radio playing in the background. "Blah blah blah". You hear the sound, but you don't care about it's talking about.

You look at things on basis of the question in direct experience. Like you would look at a movie.

You relax and wait.
Until intention arises to write an answer.
Then you write down what comes out in the present moment.
If nothing comes out, no problem!
You just wait another hour or so. Or a day. Or two days. Doesn't matter.

So when looking for the subject in any situation, what do we really find?

The thoughts are telling is something that i can't say what is, but even ignorig this thought ,remains nothing.

Let "XY" be "your name".

Look at the place, where XY apparently sits. (Simply always replace "XY" with "your name")
What you find in actual experience is NOTHING.
Have a look again!
All there is is thought about XY appearing throughout the day.
A fantasy story.

That's funny, isn't it?
Does XY truly exist?
CAN YOU FIND XY ANYWHERE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW?

[Iana]

Thank you!

Once this is thoroughly and deeply realised, the mindset toward "others" and also "me" will change dramatically.
In a good way. In a very good way!
You stop caring about thoughts and feelings of "others" and even thoughts and feelings labelled "mine".

How does that sound?

That sounds awesome) And thoughts appear that i want to happen faster, why is taking so long, i can't wait)

Look at the place, where XY apparently sits. (Simply always replace "XY" with "your name")
What you find in actual experience is NOTHING.
Have a look again!
All there is is thought about XY appearing throughout the day.
A fantasy story.

That's funny, isn't it?
Does XY truly exist?
CAN YOU FIND XY ANYWHERE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW?

It's like looking to a movie. XY is doing that and that. But XY doesn't exist and can't be found anywhere, so all this just happens by itself. Ok, then I'm the awareness that is aware of all this. But there is no XY, I or me or iana or someone or something to be aware, so awareness happens too. Thoughts telling that there's something that is missing, something that i don't understand.
Noticed that when replacing "me" with XY everything was more calm, like i didn't care, that's not me doing that.

[Iana]

Can i leave this thoughts from today here?)

Everything changes, sadness ,happiness confused, sure , angry, calm,relaxed, content, anxious( but looking at this ,are only thoughts, that describe the sensations, the contraction and relaxation, removing this labels remains, nothing, something thoughts cant describe)
Everything is coming and going
I was thinking about thoughts, are there many thoughts?, a lot of thoughts?, thinking too much? Or is only one, the thought from now, and in the "next moment" another one, but the thought from then is only a thought now, the thinking is happening only now. And the image in front of "me" is a still page after another still page, like when cartoons are made, from moving pages with a big speed, they change so fast that you think that everything is real. But is real ,no?, here is a paradox that i dont understand.
I remembered one think i saw on LU,
i took a screenshot, saying when you ask a question and all you get is silence, that is the anser.
Silence, nothing, emptines sound everything so, i don't know, lets say scary, alone; i mean you shouldn't see aliveness, joy, relaxation?
After writing all this i googled the word "paradox" and found this: l am nothing.
Removing label "I" remains nothing, and again thoughts trying to understand something that is not possible for them to understand .

[Matthew]

l am nothing

Have a look at it that way:

I am No Thing

a lot of thoughts?, thinking too much? Or is only one

Can you find a point where one thought ends and the next begins?
When does thought always appear?

Noticed that when replacing "me" with XY everything was more calm

Right!
But is there anything special about thought content "me" to begin with?
Have a look at it!
Is thought with the content "me" and such more special than thought with the content "ice cream"?

[Iana]

Can you find a point where one thought ends and the next begins?

It's hard to answer this question, i don't know, it seems it doesn't have no beginning and no ending if i focus only on thought, a constant noise, always has something to say

When does thought always appear?

Thought always appear only now

But is there anything special about thought content "me" to begin with?
Have a look at it!
Is thought with the content "me" and such more special than thought with the content "ice cream"?

Nothing special about thought content "me", just a thought, exactly like thought content "ice cream"

[Matthew]

Nothing special about thought content "me", just a thought, exactly like thought content "ice cream"

How does it feel to see this?
What else has arisen during the last days?

[Iana]

Everything is more calm, not geting so nervous about everything what is happening, it means it should be like that. But it's like the thoughts are calming everything. Lets say : i always had this problem what to cook next, i have a full house of fussy eaters) i was always getting angry i don't know what to cook, they don't like it, but now i don't stress, just a thought telling you don't control anything, you will cook something, and everything is happening without me stressing about. And through the day only this kind of thoughts: there is no one, xy is doing that, what is happening this is how it should be. Its like the situation is more calm because the thoughts telling that.

[Matthew]

Sometimes thought tells this story, sometimes thought tells that story.
Can you -for a while- treat thought all equally?
Like an old radio playing in the background.
No attention to the content whatsoever!