1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
There is no separate entities in any shape or form. They do not exist.
I see the "I" in the content of thought and only there, but see that this is an illusion. Thoughts are telling the story and nothing more, just an illusion.
There was never a separate entity. It was just an illusion that was believed.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
Thoughts tell the story of the illusion of a separate self.
The process, as I see it, starts with an experience (sound, taste, smell, sensation, color, knowing of a thought), then a thought arises labelling or narrating what just happened. The thought arises and disappears without anybody or anything making this happen. It just happens. They just appear and tell the story of the self. All of the thoughts are related to what the "I" is doing or feeling or thinking, etc. But it is just a story, and illusion.
3) How does it feel to see this?
As I look and see there is no self, I see there is no need to control anything or to identify with emotion, etc.
it actually feels freer, more clear, more alive.
I see there is less judgment and less thinking now. There is more watching things unfold and not attaching to the situation.
I laugh at situations easier, and just feel things flowing more.
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Once I really seen that the "I" is not controlling anything or doing anything, my perception changed, but it wasn't clear at first.
For example, I was doing really well staying in direct experience, but at the expense of my safety. For example, I was walking down the street and really only having a direct experience. I got to the traffic light, and a thought arose "what does a red light mean", the second thought was " I do not know", and I walked right in front of a bus. A sensation arose, with the thought of fear arose, and disappeared, and I backed out of the road. After this experience, I continued to not see any thought about this and continued on my way. I had a few of these experiences relating to safety, but none have happened lately.
After that, there were experiences of forgetfulness. For example, I would have a thought to go in the kitchen to get my phone, I would walk to the kitchen and would not be able to remember what I went there for. As I would wait, thoughts would appear telling me what I was doing. This was challenging, but it also has cleared, and now I see clearer.
Doubts still arise in thoughts occasionally, but I see thoughts for what they are, and they disappear.
As I look now, I see things with "new" eyes. I see things for what they are, with no thought overlay, or judgement. Emotions still arise, but I see them for what they are, and they disappear quickly. My challenging relationships have settled, and I see it is just happening, and it does not affect "me" in anyway. I have this feeling of laughter often, and it is good.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
For the longest time, I could not see past the thoughts. Even when I "thought" I was in direct experience, I looked and it was another thought.
The time that pushed me over was as I sat here and looked, I was in direct experience, and I saw clearly that I was not the looker but the looking, and as I saw the looking everything was in the now. It was very clear that there was no future or past and I could see that time was only in the content of the thought. I had to laugh to myself. It took a few additional days to commit that I definitely saw that there was no self. As I look, things are happening all around me, and I am the watching.
There is no looker, watcher, doer, etc. It just is.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
I see decision, intention, free will, choice and control are all just contents of thoughts and nothing more. Nothing makes these things happen, they just happen.
In experience, there will be a sensation or a feeling that appears, and a thought appears to tell us what just happened. When one believes they are in control, they "think" they need to make a decision, but if there is just watching, one will see that it just happens and we didn't have to do anything. Things just flow.
For example, The cat needs to be fed. So "I", thinking I am in control, decides to feed the cat. OR, just watching one sees the cat will be fed anyway, there was no decision to be made. there was no control to be had, it just happens.
Before, I thought I made all of these decisions, and because I made these decisions, I also felt the stress of the results. Now I see that it is just happening, and there is no stress to feel as a result.
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
I see that I am not responsible for anything. Things just happen. At work, I have a list of things that need to be done. "I" could go through the list and "choose" what to do, or instead by just looking, "I" see that things are getting done anyway with out me deciding or choosing what to do. I see the list is just getting done. "I" did not decide what to do, it was just being done, and in perfect order. Seeing that there is no choice to be made and things are still moving along - there is great peace in this.
Just like in a movie, we are watching things move along, and have no responsibility of the outcome.
