Hi Adil!
Let’s go....
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?
1) No there is definitely no figure or little self sitting anywhere in anything and there never was or is!
2) +3)The illusion is that there has been someone very vague but still in charge behind the eyes thinking and judging what happens. Having identified with the controller and judgmental thoughts in this way creating a lot of suffering also carrying along a heavy burden of identifying with the helper carrying along other people’s problems or emotional pain from dead parents and their background etc.
Now not identifying is the key - instead just seeing what is. It has resulted in less involvement of a buddhistic context that I also have identified with. So there is a taste of freedom being drawn to be in the potential of presence in direct experience! Happiness can arise from just looking for example in the sky. Sorrow and worry are lighter coming and and going. There is less vagueness and a sense of vividness like having found the fuel!
4) This summer before joining there was an experience of energy and pain coming by itself when moving to music and lying on my back afterwards when looking at the sky a stronge sense that the experience was not “mine” arouse.Now after this experience when going in to the webpage and reading about it there was a curiosity to try it out.
I had heard of LU before but then there were thoughts that it was frightening, boring and lonely to loose something and also knowing that some parts of the buddhistic context I have been part of did not not favour it .
5) There is no entity that is fixed and in charge so therefore there cannot be any will, or intention or decision or control as such. No one is responsible. When realising this there is a taste of freedom and potential to let life evolve by itself.
Some examples:
- when painting ; the “I” cannot paint. The painting comes into being by itself.
- when having hot flushes there is a knowing before it happens (lowering the heat in the car not knowing why, then the flush comes afterwards).
- when meeting someone directly without agenda there is a vivid common contact shared which cannot be put in words.
6) There is much appreciation and gratefulness of this guidance-the generosity, the sharp focus cutting through thoughts and wisdom transmitted through text and communication. Thank you!
A question if this is the end??? Can I remain reading my thread for some more time? Will you tell me a bit about yourself?
Lots of love,
Pia
