Seeing through me

[HakanJson]

One thing to add that just came up; I wear glasses and the spectacle frames are very noticeable. They actually add to the sense of separation in my experience. When I wear them I often experience them as a natural dividing line between the world and 'me'. When I remove them there is less sense of separation. In the big openness today I removed them and I instantly felt the separation (between me and the leafs of a tree I was looking at) vanish.

[Ilona]

Thank you for answers. We have more digging to do. Can you take your time and really answer question 5 as fully as you can and from your current experience. Write what you notice, not what logically seems right. Or what feels probable.
Love.

[HakanJson]

Just checking in today.

[HakanJson]

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

I dont know what make things happen - they just happen. Both ’my’ thoughts and actions just happen spontaneously. At best it seems, anyway - when I try to control thinking or my actions I get tense and tired.
A decision may or may not pop up in the mind. I can’t change the now and I can’t change the thoughts in the now. This also makes it impossible for ‘me’ to change something in the future - if a thought about change occurs in the now there may be a change in the future.
Also - even if a thought/intention occurs in the now, this intention may well be overridden in the future.
There are choices to be made. And there are choices being made. But I don’t have any control over this - one alternative gets chosen in the end. Even if I let go of making the decision. It feels like it is easier to choose when not lost in thought. When lost in thoughts choices are clearly being made totally automatically. For example: I carry a shopping bag lost in thought. I carry it with the left hand by default. When not lost in thought, being present, it may occur to ‘me’ that I should carry the bag differently, perhaps making it a game of finding a new way of carrying the bag. Or just enjoying carrying the bag in the now.
I would say that being a product of
‘my’ genetics
and
the environment
‘I’m not really responsible for anything. There is no way to control the genetics that was inherited and no way to control the environment surrounding ‘me’. And that’s all there is.
Examples:
I see a flower which makes me smile and gives me a warm sensation in the body. The smile just pops up and the warm sensation too - I don’t decide to smile and generate the sensation.
I’m in a hot room. If a thought about opening a window pops up in the now, a window may be opened and the room will be cooler. Or, a sudden action - getting up to open the window may just happen, seemingly without a preceding thought. Or, a decision about opening the window may occur but gets overridden by a later thought saying ‘I’m too tired to get up’.
Everything is happening now - trying to control the future or dwelling in the past is missing what is going on.

[Ilona]

Lovely, Thank you.
Is there any doubt at all? Or all is plain obvious and clear?

[HakanJson]

There’s no doubt, its clear.

[Ilona]

Wonderful. Welcome home!
And this is just the beginning of exploration. This seeing deepens and there will be many more insights and challenges.
Feel free to write to me any time, if assistance is needed. And also please consider to help us out on this forum, guiding, if you are drawn to that.

It was a pleasure to work with you. See you around :)

Much love.

[HakanJson]

Yes, see you around!