Postby George » Sat Aug 11, 2012 6:10 am
Caught me...and made me laugh. OK, you're right, I can't say I'm not free yet. Taking the "I" out, that would be, "can't say not free yet," and that sounds ridiculous by any measure. I know it's just verbiage and semantics, but it teaches the point. Take the "I" out of a sentence. Nice exercise.
Go for a walk in nature? It's gonna be 104 degrees tomorrow. I know, "who's hot?" Well, that would be, "it's hot!" OK, I'll try it if it's early enough, but once north of 95 the functioning that it mistaken as "I" tends to react in uncharming ways. Seriously, though, I'll give it a try. It's a serious exercise in observation with potentially valuable lessons. OK, then.
Shopping at Wal-Mart today. Strange feeling that the entire passing parade of humanity was on automatic. I didn't get upset at anyone. In fact, just the opposite, there was a feeling that there weren't any 'others' in the store...not individual, independent personalities...no persons, just one person-people involved in some kind of flow. I observed several others "making decisions" about what to buy. Some had kids, some spoke in tongues other than English, some were old, some cute, some unwashed, some homeless just hanging out inside the store to get out of the heat. NONE of it mattered. It seemed like a big river flowing with lots of different parts to it, but all the parts were still the river, and "I" was right there in the flow along with everything else. "I" was gone. Just flow...living. In fact, I didn't even notice it until it had been going on for several minutes, so I can't even say "I" saw or noticed it. It just WAS, that's all. Nothing more, no big deal, no nothing really. Very peaceful, which was new. Tears started to start...by the peanut butter, honest. Peaceful? At Wal-Mart? But, yes, there it was. Nothing changed from previous visits, but it was totally new. Then, the bitch wouldn't put my groceries in the cart, and it all came apart. Back to Square 1. Fragile stuff, this deconstructing.
Another thing: situations are things, too. There is no more "I" in a situation than there is in a rock. I'm used to thinking of things as...well, things. Somehow, it occurred to me that "things" include situations. Thoughts are things, too. Not of me, not me. No me. Things are things. They are and that's it. Language fails here. It's like it's not just the stuff that's not me, it's the flow and processes, too. I can't get the words to come out right. Oh, well.
An idea of me does not make a me. How do I know? Because I've had an idea of me for a long time, and still I can't find a me. Pretty basic when boiled down. Why not obvious before? Doesn't matter. All life functions happen on their own. I don't control digestion, trees don't control life cycles, dogs don't know they're dogs. It all just is. No operator necessary. No doer of actions, no claimer of thoughts or deeds. So much for being in charge, or even for there to be a someone to try to be in charge. What stops the reinforcement of the idea of an "I"? Looking. Questioning.
