Hi Hakan,
I know you're "having trouble letting go" as you call it. That's why we've been chatting since early November for 26 pages. When you do let go and see how easy & natural it is, you may laugh.
This sense of holding on & controlling is often called "doership." You may have done the exercise below and it may come up again in your review, but it is particularly relevant to this idea that there is a "you" "doing" something.
Yes, the fan is still moving - with no "mover" causing it.
Relaxing is absolutely necessary and you can't force it. You will relax when you relax - if you ever do. We don't choose that, either!
Try this:
Doership Exercise
Although you see that there is no noticer/observer/witness, there may still be the feeling of identification of being the ‘doer.’ That it still ‘feels’ like there is a self that is the ‘chooser.’
So let’s have a look at this as it has to do with the sense of seeing.
Take a few relaxed breaths to let the dust settle for a while, and then:
Look on your right.
Then look on your left.
Finally, bring your head back to center, close your eyes and look in front.
Okay, so when you look on the right, the view on the right is seen (whatever that is).
When you look on the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).
And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the view in front is seen (ie ‘black space’).
So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is; can you turn seeing off? Can you NOT see what is seen?
Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?
Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?
Can you turn off seeing?
What did the 'chooser' choose? Did a 'self' choose something?
If you are unable to choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?
To address some of your replies:
There may other unconscious tensions in the body that makes me somehow feel that I’m in control. If you understand what I mean. Perhaps I’m sometimes also controlling the thoughts.
Does that sound backwards to you? Tension meaning "in control?"
If you are controlling thoughts, teach me how to do that. What steps do you take to control thoughts? Can you always control them?
Keep posting every day.
Much love,
