questionning

[kindness]

Hi Bananafish,

Thank you for sharing your story.
When I encountered Buddhism I felt as though I fell in love with it so I feel that I understand your being in love with what is. How very beautiful!

And yes, I am keen to try a set of questions to check whether my understanding is firm.

Thank you!

[Bananafish]

Thank you, kindness. :) Here are the questions.
Enjoy!


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

b) What makes things happen? How does it work?

c) What are you responsible for?

6) Anything to add?


Bananafish

[kindness]

Hello Bananafish,

Thank you for the questions.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
This is not a separate entity 'self', 'me' or 'I' at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form.
There never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate self is accumulated from what we hear and believe about ourselves based on our background, upbringing, experiences, relationships and memories. It starts when we believe what others (parents, teachers, friends, the media, advertising) tell us about ourselves and others. We learn to be separate from others who are: different religions; live in different neighborhoods and different parts of the world; look different; speak differently and even from those who seem similar to us. This influences our thoughts and beliefs that we are separate from others, that we need to protect ourselves, defend ourselves, be right, accumulate possessions, succeed, acquire etc. etc. We come from an 'I', 'me', 'mine' mentality where we want it to be the way we want it, we want people/situations/experiences to be the way we want them to be. This has been my experience.

Now I see that there is not a separate entity self. I see that I am not my thoughts, or story lines, or what others have told me I am/am not. I used to have compulsive, incessant thoughts that defined me and separated me from others, from life, from peace. Dropping the “I, me mine” is freeing, liberating and feels expansive. One day I was kayaking on a lake and rather than my usual non-stop rowing, I put the paddle across the kayak, closed my eyes and became still … there was nowhere to go, nothing to do, no time … no body, no mind, no need to defend or think or do or feel ... no self … rather there was just spaciousness and calm and peace, tranquility

3) How does it feel to see this? It feels like freedom to see this.

I feel relieved and happy and at one with life and peaceful.
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.’ Before this dialogue I, at times, felt separate, different, I wanted to please certain people and I judged other people, I was not always open to others’ opinions, ideas, personalities.

In the past few days I have felt very happy, supported, open-hearted, energetic and free … at peace with what is, present to the here and now, at one with nature. I feel safe being spontaneous rather than feeling like I have to orchestrate things. I am curious and accepting.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I met with a friend whom I hadn’t seen for many years. She mentioned Liberation Unleashed, and as she described it, it felt like truth, something I have ‘known’ and something I wanted to explore. I recalled the experience I had while kayaking and I wanted union, not separation.

5) Decision - “I” used to think “my” decisions were so important … decisions about how marriage should be, decisions about my children, as though these decisions/”I” was responsible for “others” … this felt like a huge burden. I remember a time, shortly after ‘my’ divorce when I knew that I was not responsible for another person’s happiness. I was outdoors and I raised my arms up to the sky and felt such a sense of relief, a sense of peace, a sense of freedom. Now, as life unfolds, whether at work or having to do with family members, actions are based on the heart/love and kindness, what honors all, what honors the world.
Intention - choosing something to cultivate (such as mindfulness); also that which supports behaviors i.e. is the motivation for the behavior based on love or something else (personal benefit). Because there is no separate self, then there is no action that is at the expense of an ‘other’, no self-referential intentions.
Free will - actions that are freely chosen … who is choosing? The need to ‘orchestrate’ a word ‘I’ have used as a euphemism for ‘manipulate’ is no longer there. No other is dictating, manipulating, taking advantage or controlling of ‘me’ … those were the story-lines, the misconceptions, the illusions. What a relief that now there is no need for protecting, explaining or promoting my ‘self’. There is just life unfolding as it will …
Choice - As a parent educator I have spoken to parents about teaching children that life is about making choices and suffering consequences … my lesson plan, now, would be talking to parents are guiding children to know that they are not separate from others.
Control - the ultimate illusion that a person has control over anything … letting go of the need to control is the ultimate freedom.

What makes things happen? How does it work?
Life unfolds, seasons change, people are born and die and are reborn. Believing we are separate, living in a dualistic world is like being imprisoned by the mind, thoughts and storylines. Knowing freedom is possible brings lightness, expansiveness, joy, happiness, relaxation and peace.

What are you responsible for? Please see response to ‘decision’.

Anything to add? I am grateful, happy, at peace and relaxed. I am curious to watch life unfold. I feel love for people and have a strong desire to connect with them, to discover heart connections, to laugh and share.

Thank you so much for your ongoing guidance and questions.

Do you have anything to add ? ;)

[Bananafish]

Good morning kindness. :)

Thank you for your beautiful answers.
It was truly moving to read them.


I will have my fellow guides have a look at this thread and
see ask for questions.


Please wait for a while.


Kind regards,


Bananafish

[kindness]

Dear Bananafish,
Thank you, thank you for your guidance and for your response to my responses to the last set of questions ; )
I am smiling.
Kindness

[Bananafish]

Dear kindness,


I've sent you a private message, so please have a look. :)

Later, you will also receive a private message from one of the
administrators of this site.


Thank you again for having a wonderful dialogue!


Bananafish