How about the contrary? Do you also have thoughts popping up that aren't followed by actions?
of course the stream of thoughts are non stop and most of them just pass by without inducing an action.
How would you answer these questions?
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was
there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you
see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
i will try to answer the questions one by one
1)There is no 'self', 'mehari' or an entity that i refer to when i talk about this body mind combination. i understand it is necessary to use these terms for communication purposes like i use the term a shoe, a computer or a bed. but there is no intrinsic value in the words. thoughts say my body, my mind, my feeling due to conditioning it got from early childhood. this belief is so strong and is it's associated with every feeling and sensation too. but when i sit queitly and look for the place where this 'self' or 'mehari' resides, i can't locate it anywhere.Thoughts, desires, feelings, moods, sensations are all necessary for the body to function but they come and go on their own without a 'self' causing them or making them desappear.
2) The illusion of separation a separate self is the birth of 'I'. it is also the birth of fear. it makes the 'I' and the rest separate. The other a competition, a potential danger. It is the birth of race, nationality, superiority, inferiority. It makes life short and miserable struggle. it starts with the family, society, school and everyone in it's life path telling her/him who he is, what to believe or not to, what to love or hate, how to behave, what to achive and so on. this defines most of the content of his/her thoughts and creats what's possible or not. All these conditiongs creats 'mehari'. 'mehari' in order to live up to what he is suppose to be is always anxious.Because 'mehari' is a mortal being, he has a fear of death and sickness he has insequrities about the future, he worries about his daughter and he thinks that he needs to do more of everything to be free of this problems and be successful. But that creat more anxiety and more worry. When all fails to alliviate the never ending dissatsfaction despite getting what he wants, he thinks maybe spiritual awakening is the solution. So he reads and reads, and meditate, and watches documentary after documentary, thinks about it all the time. but after all these years he is the same old mehari.
3) Seeing the story of 'mehari' is nothing but a story is difficult to explain. it's like a diesel generator has been roaring right next to me for all my life and it suddenly went quiet and that's when i realize how noisy it was and the deep silence that followed it. nothing much has changed in my day today life but the quality of life is changed tremendously. it's fluid and silent in a way i can't put in words. I work as apilot in rural and dangerous areas for united nations and it used to be hectic and a filled with un underly fear all the time. But these days it's like seeing everything with new eyes and the fear has disappeared. I wish i can say more accurately how life is but this is what i can say for now.
Mehari
