Hi Dave,
I hope this finds you happy and healthy. I enjoyed working through the questions. They did a lot to help clarify my thinking.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
No. Looking closely it becomes apparent that the concept of a separate 'I' 'me' 'self' is just that, a concept. Not something that actually exists. It's a mistaken perception.
Was there ever?
Again no. The idea of the existence of an internal ‘self’ entity begins very early in life but is an illusion, an unreal perception, from the very beginning.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it
starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is the idea/belief that there exists within us, a continual intangible, overseeing, controlling, decision-making entity, generated by the brain or supernaturally endowed, that can actively plan, make choices and 'do' things. That it can somehow stand back and observe life separate from it, and can have an effect on the way life occurs. The illusion is that the separate self actually experiences events. (I heard... I saw...). Creating the illusion of an "experiencer" experiencing an experience. The actuality is that experience occurs by itself and isn’t “experienced” separately at all.
The illusion of the continuity of 'self' is in thoughts. My memory-thoughts perceive “me” as having experienced events 'in the past' and the same 'self' will experience events 'in the future'.
The illusion of being a 'separate self' starts as soon as we, as children, begin to acquire language and form concepts of 'self' and 'other'. We learn to think of "ourself" as existing at the centre of "our" life. "I" think, "I" do, "I" choose, "I" have, ... "I" everything ... It's all thought of as being experienced by the “me" that exists separately. The idea is so deeply imbued in perception, that the thought/label "I" attaches itself to every aspect of life.
In actuality experience is experience, nothing more.There is no separate self seeing, hearing, tasting, thinking, etc. No "self" does, chooses, feels ...
Life happens all by itself.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
For me, it's the difference between an idea and actuality. For quite a while I've known about theoretical ideas of "no-self" but it's only been through this dialogue and close investigation that I've been brought to actually see/know that "self" is simply a notion, a concept like "tomorrow" or "the horizon". Useful for social navigation but not existing in reality.
That realisation has created a profound difference in perspective. Previously believing "I" was responsible for pretty much everything happening in "my" life, I was a pretty anxious individual much of the time. Trying to please others was high on my agenda.
Understanding there's no "I" to please or be pleased, the sense of liberation is great. It doesn't mean the I've suddenly turned into an uncaring individual. I just continue as before without the sense of pressure and anxiety. There may be a greater sense of compassion and understanding when I see other people struggling with their situation. Also, for me, every weighty decision for the future has been taken out of 'my' hands. I'm released from all the worry about making the 'right' choices. They'll still be made but 'I' don’t make them.
[4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
After quite a few years of looking at various systems I pretty much came to the conclusion that no-one really had a handle on what was going on except for a few zen ideas which seemed fairly down-to-earth and grounded. The idea of "killing one's ego" sounded a bit nonsensical. Then I came across the LU site which made two things unequivocally clear. (A) What it is, (B) What it isn't.
I read "Careless Gatecrashers" and the technique of guided conversations beginning with the precept that there's actually no 'I' made sense so I registered.
The ongoing dialogue challenged me and the realisation of "honesty" made the difference. It wasn't about ideas, it was about looking at what really happens.
It was the ongoing guidance that brought me to see that "self" exists only as an idea. After applying the exercises and revisiting them a few times, guided by Dave's careful coaching, There it was. Not as a flash of enlightenment. It was more like quietly waking up. All at once obvious.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
All of these are abilities/qualities we ascribe to the illusion "self". When I observe closely, I find "decisions" occur spontaneously by themselves without an "I". The idea of intention is the same, as is free will, choice and control. “Intention” is a thought about something that occurs spontaneously. “Free will” and “choice” could only occur if there were an entity capable of “willing” and “choosing”. There are no controls on life. It’s pretty much free-fall in every direction. There's no "I" to decide, intend, will, choose and control.. They too, like "self" are illusions.
b) What makes things happen? How does it work?
Nothing "makes things work". Life is just seamlessly, 'doing itself' without a separate agency 'doing' it. Everything happens by itself. Trees "tree", birds "bird", life" life's".
