Way to Light

[jjm109]

Dear Pedro,

but i just don´t know that if all this clarification is solid only in good circumstances or if when suffering reappears i sense repulsion, believe that something´s wrong in the present scene and force my way out of it.

So to further clarify, please review this whole thread and see what questions remain.

When finished reviewing, can you say without a doubt that there is no separate self?

Sending love,
Jim

[LightEternal]

Ok Jim, let me read it (as it takes some time) and ponder on that. i´ll get back to you soon.

love,
Pedro

[LightEternal]

Hi Jim, sorry for the late reply.

finally today i bring full attention to our thread.
well, at intelectual level all seems clear to me. but on a experiencing level i still sense some dissastisfaction with present scene, i notice a subtle search is still here. at the same time i often feel fear and tension in daily living, still feel a bit separated from reality.

love,
Pedro

[LightEternal]

So maybe the strong experiences of the last weeks were a breakthrough but still a permanent clarification has not yep take place. when things go bad the reactive, suffering "me" still triggers.

so i noticed the way we develop our work (and brought results) was going after the "I", the author, the ego. so in the last days i´m doing my morning meditation focusing on that work - finding the I, the control center. and it does brings a shift to my daily living, i´m much more aware, less lost in thoughts and there´s no search whatsoever right now. so i´ll continue with that work. what do you suggest?

love,
Pedro

[jjm109]

Dear Pedro,

so i noticed the way we develop our work (and brought results) was going after the "I", the author, the ego. so in the last days i´m doing my morning meditation focusing on that work - finding the I, the control center. and it does brings a shift to my daily living, i´m much more aware, less lost in thoughts and there´s no search whatsoever right now. so i´ll continue with that work. what do you suggest?

Sounds good to me! I do wonder if there is still a hidden expectation regarding not having any more difficult feelings?

Sending love,
Jim

[jjm109]

Dear Pedro,

Ilona's latest video may be useful... https://youtu.be/ab4XA685rxc

Sending love,
Jim

[LightEternal]

Hi Jim

no, i´m aware that negative feelings are part of life, it´s just seems that i have more difficulty to cope with them, you know. a part of me still seems to reject them, make them go away. i guess that´s my main doubt about the clarification.

i´m still feeling very aware, very close to everything. and now there´s this aura of surreality, don´t know, things seem unreal, like their just temporary movements, nothing permanent.

love,
Pedro

[LightEternal]

Dear Pedro,

Ilona's latest video may be useful... https://youtu.be/ab4XA685rxc

Sending love,
Jim

well, to be honest when Ilona asked "what you´re really looking for?" the answer "permanent bliss" popped in my head.

shit :(

[jjm109]

the good news is that that is seen! Now that wish can be examined...

[LightEternal]

Good morning Jim,

well, i know that after seeing truth much suffering will disappear cause most of it is mental based. however i know that suffering will never be totally gone, it´s part of life being sad, hurt, angry, etc... so the all 24/7 peace is probably an image that i kept from buddhism or the enlightemnent archetype.

so yeah, truth is life itself :) not the superman life that thought strives for, but this raw, ordinary, oscilating, ever changing life :).

love,
Pedro

[jjm109]

Dear Pedro,

So how about now, can you say without a doubt that there is no separate self? Or is there more you wish to explore?

And how would you answer now to Ilona's question - "what are you really looking for?"

Sending love,
Jim

[LightEternal]

Good morning Jim,

well, i´m searching for nothing right now. an yesterday after i answer you i put Ilona question to myself again and "truth" was the answer that appeared. so i guess the all permanent peace state image has gone now. althought in the past i have sensed this feeling before but when pain appeared so did the search. i don´t know.

presently there´s no search whatsoever :)

as for the separated self, well, it´s clear to me that this is all a bundle of experiences all happening right now. as i exist everything exists at the same time. there´s no me+ the world, there´s just what is. but there´s no perception shift and i don´t know if that indicates something. i mean when i´m aware there´s no difference between me and everything else. but sometimes when the story gets between i sense some separation, a thinker apart from the rest of reality.

love,
Pedro

[LightEternal]

In fact, i think my seeing has not been yet so deep enough, maybe the clarification is still shallow. because one thing i noticed is when i´m stressed or in pain, i fall alot into trance, a lot. there´s clearly interest in thoughts. so i think that indicates there still must be at least an unconscious believe in a I. an I to whom those thoughts are refering to, an I that tries to organize stories in order to succeded in life or get rid of pain.

love,
Pedro

[jjm109]

Dear Pedro,

there´s clearly interest in thoughts

Close your eyes and find the feeling that is always here: the being, amness, aliveness. Then notice the labeling process, how thoughts come up after experience. When you notice interest in thoughts, look at interest itself. What do you find?

Sending love,
Jim

[LightEternal]

Hi Jim

well, there´s this sense of aliveness, the being, like a wave of aliveness all around the body.

when i look at the interest in thoughts itself i found nothing. it feels like an automatic submersion. i´m naturally, unawarely pulled towards the story. but even when i´m aware i still feel a tendency to continue with the story.

love,
Pedro