Good morning Jim,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
no, there´s not a separated entity, here or anywere, there´s a body yes, but it´s not "my" body. all there´s is this brutal, unseparated reality, we can call it life. it never was a separated entity, all that were was beliefs in a separated entity: something here different from something there. things are different in form yes, but they do not have life on their own. this is all One reality, One dimension, One thing. changing, moving, breathing. Aliveness.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
well, the illusion is caused by the power of thought, the power to create time and space.
when we are children we start to experience separation mostly because of social conditioning (name, gender, race, etc etc...). the I takes form, but because children are still very present the seeking mechanism it´s not well installed.
when we become adults (and compulsive thinkers) the social conditioning that suggests a separated entity + the hability to create time and space creates a full form separated entity. now the entity is not only separated but also struggles to get something that it´s not here and now. it becomes a seeking entity, which reinforces even more the separation.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
well, there´s no lights, no fireworks, no constant smile :D. in my experience the main difference is the search, dead in the water. there´s absolutely no need for things to be different from what they are right now. and it´s perfect the way they are, of course i can change things that it would be good to change, but that is not accompanied by the feeling that they must change in order to produce an effect on me.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
when i looked for the author. before that it was pretty clear that the "I" was a bundle of specific thoughts, but there was still a secret belief that i was doing something, i was responsable for actions, the doer. when i focus on the doer or thoughts of doership, i saw that it was another illusion. after that moment i just let go of all search. i simply gave up. not because there´s was something that i found out that make more sense but because i saw there´s was nothing to find out. it was the mind that trick us to belief that there´s something else we need to attain in order to see "what is". yesterday experience of unity may appeared or may not, it would not make any difference.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
well, it´s kind of hard to discriminate all those concepts since the´re just one thing going on, this.
decision is when you look back and see you made a choice on something. however that is only a story, when decision making happens it just happens, you didn´t make the choice, it just happens. infinite causes all interacting lead to that event. there´s no single cause/effect.
intention is being focus on something, however the motivation it´s still a play of life, what drives you toward something is still caused by a multiplicity of factors impossible to describe throught language. everything is connected to everything. there´s no beginning nor end. Free will is the subtle belief that you are in control, but when you inquiry on that, you´ll see that you´re not in control, things get decided before you speak about it, think about it, make a conscious choice about it. for the word "choice" i´ll give the same description of "decision"
control reports for being a separated entity again, i need to strive, to attain in order to be safe, sucessuful, etc. when i control the circusntances all we´ll be well, all we´ll be over. but except for the suggestions of thought, life is unknowing, life is the unknown. so when we´re dealing with the unknown how can you predict, prevent or control anything?
6) Anything to add?
seeing the I is not there is essencial to drop the search. mindfulness helps a lot, but as long as the I is present, you´ll belief that "i´m present", "i´m aware" and "i must do something to attain final truth".
much love,
Pedro
