Thoughts of ‘me’ ‘I’ etc. arise, but are seen as empty fluff… there’s no ‘me’ or ‘I’ attached to the doing, feeling, seeing, hearing etc. the stickiness is gone, and can see it slide off or naturally drop away. There is much left to do, but the belief has evaporated.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
The belief that I was ever more than this already complete experience.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
It began from ‘birth’, gradually conditioned socially and culturally to believe that I am a unique individual in a seemingly external world of separate things objects and other people.
It feels nice. Not like happiness, but a calm, abiding peacefulness... like everything is just right and as it should be. But I am curious to see if this will remain when interacting with family!3) How does it feel to see this?
Confusion and uncertainty of ‘where and what I am’ is considerably lightened, if not altogether gone. Experience feels more natural and authentic, free of the low-level unease and discomfort I felt going into this process.What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
What pushed me over was the experiential ‘aha! moment of seeing that sensations are just happening in the vastness of experience, and by natural extension so is everything else. The dots quickly connected. The constant sensation that I always felt like happening to ‘me’ no longer has this quality; It’s just ‘being’ and the ‘me’ is no longer necessary and seen as redundant.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I can see that there is no ‘decision maker’, only a kind of moving towards preference based on prior experience or certain causes and conditions taking place in experience; It’s a thought that comes up after the fact to claim ownership.5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
Intention resonates as more subtle and relevant, like setting a target or goal in the present that one works towards in harmony with life.
The notion of free will is not something I can relate to… that there is an ‘I / me’ who ‘has choice’ and is firmly ‘in control’ of his actions and their possible outcomes. All point to a ‘doer’ who has the ability to manipulate experience. All point to thought / label.
There is nothing that ‘makes’ things happen in experience. Things are just happening, and there is no mechanism for this other than life itself.b) What makes things happen? How does it work?
I am the only one responsible for my own experience and continued growth in this life. I am the only one responsible for my feelings and thoughts, not anyone else.c) What are you responsible for?
A good example of responsibility has been this experience of guidance; You were the torch, shining the light on where to look, but it was only ever up to me to be honest and look at my actual experience in order to truly understand it.d) Give examples from experience.
An example of responsibility for my thoughts and feelings is in interacting with others. An example with my partner over a minor issue, thought labelled her her ‘cranky’ and ‘unreasonable’ and subsequently created a story about her ‘making’ ‘me’ feel ‘annoyed’. But these thought labels are not ‘her’—she is not ‘cranky’ or ‘unreasonable’ nor did she ‘make’ ‘me’ ‘annoyed’. All of it is a story created by thoughts belonging to no-one.
I’m more than happy to do round 3! :)6) Anything to add?
Best,
Gray
