1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, No
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
The sensations arising are actually happening in AE but the label “feeling of self in the body” is AE of thought.
The thoughts of “separate self” are real, they unquestionably arise. However, their contents what they say “me, mine, I” are just fantasies. The label MNself is AC of thought.
Similarly memories of personal biography are not actually happening only AE of thought.
When looking at actual experience of colour, sound, smell, sensations taste and plain noticing of thoughts as like “that”, no MNself is to be found
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
To see this feels clean and straight forward and appropriate.
The main difference is not trying to think my way into things or to develop special qualities.
Well what a fuss this all is! Nothing has changed!
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Had a sleepless night– reflecting upon the ideas of isolation and the solitary nature of death. (Probable in response to: recent berievemt, life changing ill health and uncertainty about the future of a long standing relationship)
There was strong emotion, fear and struggle to do something about isolation. It was desperation that caused me to give up the struggle and to allow the thought to think and the fear and restlessness to become simply more experience. It was no option other than to see it all as thinking without axis. Sensations were directly experienced as they were. The label “horrified anxiety” was experienced as thought. Thoughts of MNself were seen as thoughts. MN did not have to be in the picture, nor did MN look. No witnesser only AE of thought labelled “me looking”
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
Thoughts arise spontaneously and unbidden and in no organised sequence
Some thoughts point to AE other thoughts point to further thoughts which are a story of “decision, intention, free will, choice and control”
Decision/volition to do something certain way can not be seen when looked at.
Could it just possibly be that the choice just happens and there is no chooser deciding upon a choice.
b) What makes things happen? How does it work?
There are plenty of things happening. There is no one making them happen – thy are fine!
c) What are you responsible for?
I am not
d) Give examples from experience.
Given that “me, mine, I” is illusory and there is simply experience itself which thought labels as sound, colour, sensation, smell and thought etc
I am trying to look at the experience of planning to fix a roller blind,
This is a blind alley the actual experience of planning and deciding to change the blind is pure story story. If I said to you “I will change the at 3”, Neither decider nor point of decision can be actually be found.
6) Anything to add?
No I have been looking at this for days now and 3 hours at this session. A response to question six might well arise this afternoon when I return from fixing the blind. My goodness who is responsible for wat happened there as I typed the last sentence?
You have been very patient and thanks for refocusing me on the thread.
