No, there is no 'I/me/self' and there never actually has been.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
The separate self, the 'I', is a label/concept/idea of a doer/thinker that is in control of it's own separate life, controls the body, and controls and thinks thoughts. In reality/Direct Experience there is no 'I'/separate independent self to be found. There is no self pushing the buttons behind the scenes.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
This whole idea is started pretty much at birth when we're given names, which are just labels, and taught that "Chris does this," "Chris thinks that," and eventually turns into thoughts of "I feel this," "I think that," etc. and turns into really believing that this 'I' exists. It's collected data that is taught and believed at a young age, but not often questioned of it's actual existence. The 'self' just an illusion of a character that doesn't tangibly exist.
It feels liberating. To see thoughts for what they are, thoughts, and to see through labels/ideas awakens a feeling of freedom. Direct Experience shows us the true existence of things before things are labeled. Labels are just ideas. Calling a stick a cane doesn't make it either a stick or a cane. It just is what it is.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Labels are there to 'separate' and explain things, but are just ideas. The leaf on the tree is not separate from the tree. The words 'tree' and 'leaf' are just labels, but it's still just one thing.
Beyond seeing through the illusion of 'I', labels, and ideas, I see the interconnectedness of this one Life. Direct Experience shows an experience of all things being made not of themselves, but of other things. Animals and plants need food, sun, water oxygen, vitamins, minerals etc. to exist. There is no actual independent 'self' to be found in any of it.
Examining the feeling of fear from testing the loss of label when talking about 'my' daughter and realizing that what she is and the emotion of love is still there without that ownership label over her was very awakening. I realized that false idea of a real 'self' that can claim ownership of a daughter and the absurd fear that was caused by focusing on removing labels was absurd. It was a wake-up point of the absurd of so many labels that aren't actual real tangible things that can easily cause suffering that's not needed.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Then when you asked me what the 'mind' is was another big wake-up call. This separate 'mind' of 'mine' was basically another label for the 'I' that doesn't exist.
I now feel like all of these concepts mentioned are flawed. There is no 'decider/chooser'. Examining thoughts, it becomes apparent that thoughts come and go on their own. There is no 'thinker'. If there was then why would negative thoughts ever be allowed or tolerated?5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Life happens. There is no maker of it. It just is. There is Life and no one is separate from it. At this point it's hard to analyze responsibility and what that concept even means after realizing there is no separate 'self'. The heart is still going to beat without me thinking about it, the lungs will still breathe. This realization won't affect me from being responsible in the sense of my occupation and titles as a father and husband. I do see that these are all labels and concepts and what really exists as Truth comes before any thoughts/concepts/labels/ideas and exists before understanding any languages. It's experienced through Direct Experience. What's real/tangible exists without a label on it.
It's a feeling of relief to realize the absurd in labels that cause ideas of separateness, because it's a realization that this separateness doesn't actually exist. I'm thankful for your guidance Robyn.
With much gratitude,
Chris
