Thanks
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
There is NO separate entity 'self', 'me', "I", at all, anywhere, in any way shape or form. It has been looked for extensively and is not there,
Was there ever?
NO, there never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is just that, an illusion. A thought created illusion of there being a separate person, or being, "I" "ME" "Self" living in/as this body, in here, living a linear life from birth to death with everything else out there. A life being lived by the "me" with everything happening to the "me" and "me" making all the decisions. This starts as early as can be remembered from a very young age. I, Robert am in here and everything happens to me. It's a complete take-over, like some parasitic program takes control or at least appears to. This separate self is constantly narrating, judging, comparing and analysing experience and tying it back to it's story that is kept alive about itself. Scanning past experiences, predicting and anticipating future. spewing out Propaganda. It latches on to arising thoughts and claims them. It claims the role of the doer and creates the illusion that there is a self doing all this. It's very crafty, clever and successful. Yet, it doesn't exist and never has. It's just a thought based illusion. Even now these words are being written and a story about a one on a LU journey unfolding. Just thoughts popping up and arising in this space of awareness, nowness. It's as if it takes over this organism, takes ownership of it, like a parasite.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
A mixture of feelings. Some excitement, happiness, joyousness. A deeper space has opened up, quieter, more peaceful, less chatter going on in the mind. Without the narration of the "I" there is just what is happening. Not overthinking anything. There is an undeniable sense of satisfaction also but not overly egotistical if that makes sense. A sense of having arrived yet was always here. Before I started this dialogue there was seeking, wanting something else, enlightenment. There was a drive and urgency. Now there is a peacefulness.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
There were a few moments throughout the process where there was an Ohhh! is that it! and something was seen but it wasn't lasting. It's been more of an unfolding process than a boom.
The last few pointers
Is there contracted awareness?
Or is there an awareness of contraction?
In other words:
Is there contracted awareness?
Or is there an awareness of contraction?
In other words:
Is there contracted knowing?
Or is there knowing of contraction?
It made me realise whatever is happening is happening in awareness, always awareness. The looking for an experienced that lasts was just thoughts about that or a story about that arising in awareness. There never was a "one" who could have a permanent change.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision, intention, Freewill, Choice, Control. Great question and amazing looking. It's still unfolding and revealing in daily life. In short, all illusion. They all indicate needing a "one" to have them. There is no "one". Thought arises, action happens, body moves, me thought owns it. Pre thought is conditioning or what has come before and this influences what comes next. There is also the immediate experience unfolding which influences what happens. If looked at really closely, if looking into the mechanisms, if deconstructed it can be seen that previously thought of an "I" deciding or having free will is an illusion.
What makes things happen?
Conditioning influencing arising thought followed by action and coupled with a perceived ownership. Sitting working, sensations of hunger arising, body making it's way to the kitchen, I thought adding story "must get some food" as if "I" chose to get up and go to the kitchen. There is a lag and "I" thought is always a step behind. It cannot be known what will happen next, what thought or experience will happen next. Not even a second ahead can be known. There can be a story about planning and yeah I'm going to do this or do that but if looked at there is no "I" who is controlling this. There's just thoughts arising, experience being had, thoughts about experience.
What am I responsible for?
Well there is no I to be responsible but for language sake, I have a job and bills to pay, loved ones to care for and things to arrange. In short this stuff just gets done. Thoughts will arise that it is Monday morning and work awaits, body will move through the motions of getting dressed, eating, traveling, getting on the right trains, doing the work etc etc. It just happens and things get done.
6) Anything to add?
Such gratitude for your guidance, your patience, your skill, your kindness, your dedication. You've asked for nothing and given everything. You've guided me to look into the deepest darkest places and shone a light into them. You've opened up the miracle of being alive, the beauty, the sadness, the joy, the sorrow, room for it all and happening to no-one. You've shown me the mechanism of how separation is created and you've helped me to relax and trust THIS. You've been incredibly patient and answered e-mails at all times of day and night. You've been a lifeline. Thank you, thank you, thank you
Happy to take any pointers and look more if you feel there are any areas that don't sit quite right. Like you said previously, the fire is burning. Maybe there is more to burn down but relaxing and trusting and looking seems to be the way.
How does it all sound?
Thank you
Rob
