Guiding beyond gate

[Anne71]

Hi John,

ll these things, rules, about how you're not adequate, not good enough, you have laid out.
Together, they are a set of descriptions about you.
As descriptions, they have no power.
The only power they have is the power you hand over.
You give them the power of being true, and about you.
To be about you, you must identify with the 'you' in the description.
If you had seen that you were not the 'you' in the story, these descriptions would lose most of their effect.
This is not a criticism, but again, it's good to see it openly, honestly, without judgement.

Sit with a few of these descriptions about you.
Feel some of the pain that making the descriptions true brings.
See that you are identifying with the 'you' in the descriptions.

Now, take a nice comfortable breath and take a pause.

You have already had an insight that 'Anne' is a story.
Consider 'Anne' of one of these descriptions. Say, 'Anne' is not adequate.
Bring the insight into play, pierce into the fact that you are not 'Anne'.
Never was, never will be.
Can this description ever be about you?

Stand in the realisation that these descriptions have never been about you.

Explore.

Identifying and emotion was much bigger when i wrote these sentences down yesterday. Today they seem stupid, dramatic.

But i found some sentences that i could identify with that brought shame.

When transfering this toughts on to Anne i felt my belly get softer and breathing deeper.
Even though thoughts came in, stating that other ppl will still treat me as Anne. But i guess they have stories of their own about me.


I thought about human habit to label and judge things like they have feelings or a character for example:
proud tree
shy flower
boring sunset
idle cat
I love to do this for fun and to tell stories.

The same thing we do excessively with ourselves and other humans. So excessively that we believe in a character.


Greetings from Anne

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Anne,

Identifying and emotion was much bigger when i wrote these sentences down yesterday. Today they seem stupid, dramatic.

But i found some sentences that i could identify with that brought shame.

When transfering this toughts on to Anne i felt my belly get softer and breathing deeper.
Even though thoughts came in, stating that other ppl will still treat me as Anne. But i guess they have stories of their own about me.

The focus is you. Others will take care of themselves.

The same thing we do excessively with ourselves and other humans. So excessively that we believe in a character.

You are currently using thinking to avoid facing the fact that you are not 'Anne'.
Not being 'Anne' has implications.
The shame doesn't belong to you.

Maybe you are not yet ready to not be 'Anne'.
Which is fine, and to be respected.
Ripening is an odd affair, when it's time, 'Anne' drops from the branch.

Expect fear, accept it, it's the price of stepping into an unknown.
The cost of not doing so, is staying in the known.

Warm wishes,
John

[Anne71]

Hi John,

The focus is you. Others will take care of themselves.

Ok

You are currently using thinking to avoid facing the fact that you are not 'Anne'.

Thanks for the feedback. I was not aware of that.

Not being 'Anne' has implications.
The shame doesn't belong to you.
Maybe you are not yet ready to not be 'Anne'.
Which is fine, and to be respected.
Ripening is an odd affair, when it's time, 'Anne' drops from the branch.

Ok. I dont know. I thought i were ready.
Is there s.th i could do?

Expect fear, accept it, it's the price of stepping into an unknown.
The cost of not doing so, is staying in the known.

Yes, that makes sense.


Greetings from Anne

[s-p-a-c-e]

Anne,

Ok. I dont know. I thought i were ready.
Is there s.th i could do?

Well, there's nothing 'Anne' can do.

The stark reality is that you, me, have no identity.

Which makes us free as a bird, or back wishing we were 'Anne' and 'John'.

What shows up when you take in this possibility?

Warm wishes,
John

[Anne71]

Hi John,

Well, there's nothing 'Anne' can do.

The stark reality is that you, me, have no identity.

Which makes us free as a bird, or back wishing we were 'Anne' and 'John'.

What shows up when you take in this possibility?

Body: relaxation, looking around

thoughts:
Why would i want to believe in Anne?
Nothing that was learned will be forgotten. Memories remain.

I will not be able to say that i am smart or that i had an idea. Stuff is given or coming from somewhere i do not know. But that was the case anyway (with believing in Anne or without)! So, there is not difference. Maybe being more surprised how stuff happens and ideas come.

Fear and joy will there be anyway. But not sticking around too long.
If shame of Anne shows up less and will be identified with less, fear of being hurt bc of Anne-story will be reduced too.

Choices and doing will happen and worrying and thinking will become less.

Greetings from Anne

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Anne,

I will not be able to say that i am smart or that i had an idea. Stuff is given or coming from somewhere i do not know. But that was the case anyway (with believing in Anne or without)! So, there is not difference. Maybe being more surprised how stuff happens and ideas come.

Fear and joy will there be anyway. But not sticking around too long.
If shame of Anne shows up less and will be identified with less, fear of being hurt bc of Anne-story will be reduced too.

Choices and doing will happen and worrying and thinking will become less.

And what's your mood around this right now?

Warm wishes,
John

[Anne71]

And what's your mood around this right now?

:))
Everyday i am crying several times, when reading what you wrote or thinking about it.
But its not crying of sadness, its more of relieving and maybe remembering.
I think i am evolving towards that.

There are thoughts of doubt. Like i am constructing a new story.

What do you think?

[Anne71]

Since you asked about my mood…
After shame, fear and anger came hopelessness. So the whole cycle of emotions took about two days.

.
You said several times, that i should put focus on me not on others.

So after shame i took a look a fear.

Fear seems to be the other side of anger or hate.
For example if i say, i hate that society/my neighbour/family does this or that…
in this case i can look at myself and see what i fear (which might happen in the future).

And this pretty much boils down to
I fear that i will be not liked/kicked out.
I fear that i will be helpless.
I fear that i will be hurt.
I fear that i will not be respected.
I fear that i will not be believed.

And this are all stories of Anne.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Anne,

And what's your mood around this right now?

:))
Everyday i am crying several times, when reading what you wrote or thinking about it.
But its not crying of sadness, its more of relieving and maybe remembering.
I think i am evolving towards that.

There are thoughts of doubt. Like i am constructing a new story.

What do you think?

Crying is excellent, the best way to release.
Each time some of this emotional story is released, there's more open space.
Good stuff.

As for creating a new story, it's our way of handling the fear of not-knowing, we make up a known, a story.
If me being 'Anne' is the story, I know that, inside out, the devil you know.
But when I see not so much that I'm not 'Anne', but that 'Anne' is not something, has never has been something, that I could ever be.
Suddenly, where am I?
No longer 'Anne', and nothing to fill that seeming space.
Scary business.

That step through and beyond 'Anne' may have fear, it may have excitement.
There may be some disorientation, there may not.
You can probably taste the possibilities on the other side of 'Anne'.

Since you asked about my mood…
After shame, fear and anger came hopelessness. So the whole cycle of emotions took about two days.

.
You said several times, that i should put focus on me not on others.

So after shame i took a look a fear.

Fear seems to be the other side of anger or hate.
For example if i say, i hate that society/my neighbour/family does this or that…
in this case i can look at myself and see what i fear (which might happen in the future).

And this pretty much boils down to
I fear that i will be not liked/kicked out.
I fear that i will be helpless.
I fear that i will be hurt.
I fear that i will not be respected.
I fear that i will not be believed.

And this are all stories of Anne.

Good stuff, yes, all these fears of being helpless and hurt, not respected or believed.

Now, would you be afraid if it wasn't likely to happen? No.
Bring it back to you, and ask: do I already feel disrespect, helpless, hurt, not believed...?

And: Is this true?

Warm wishes,
John

[Anne71]

Hi John,

Suddenly, where am I?
No longer 'Anne', and nothing to fill that seeming space.
Scary business.

Actually i like this bc i know that stuff is happening anyway.
It feels freer bc living is not limited to things Anne would do or likes.

Good stuff, yes, all these fears of being helpless and hurt, not respected or believed.

Now, would you be afraid if it wasn't likely to happen? No.
Bring it back to you, and ask: do I already feel disrespect, helpless, hurt, not believed...?

If i identify with thoughts of pain that might happen in the future, there is a bit of a sensation i would label worry.
But being aware that these are all thoughts about future… and they might happen, but probably wount, i am ok.
Disrespect, not believed, helpless and hurt all have to do with Anne. Without Anne there is no disrespect.

And: Is this true?

Do you mean THIS?
Or what i wrote before?

I’d say ‘yes’ without thinking.
Feels true.

Anne

[Anne71]

There are thoughts of doubt. Like i am constructing a new story.

Crying is excellent, the best way to release.
Each time some of this emotional story is released, there's more open space.
Good stuff.

As for creating a new story, it's our way of handling the fear of not-knowing, we make up a known, a story.

Ah, no.
Thoughts said i am crying bc i am close and see now.
And being close, that was the new story i meant.

[Anne71]

Hi John,

whass up? :))))

Had a hot but quiet day today.

Saw some anger rising up when other people were sitting at 'my' bench.
Or habitually judging people when feeling of insecurity arose (to feel better).

I wrote down what i fear about having a new relationship.
Its not so easy to disidentify with this like from other fears. Being loved is still attached to person and body and beliefsystem.
I ll keep looking.

Greetings from Anne

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Anne,

whass up? :))))

Had a hot but quiet day today.

Yeah, here too. Been in the garden clearing. :)

Saw some anger rising up when other people were sitting at 'my' bench.
Or habitually judging people when feeling of insecurity arose (to feel better).

I wrote down what i fear about having a new relationship.
Its not so easy to disidentify with this like from other fears. Being loved is still attached to person and body and beliefsystem.
I ll keep looking.

Rather than seek to dis-identify from it, there's something else you can do.
Fear isn't bad, it's really a message, an indicator of the unknown, which often stirs up our own emotional stuff.
So, in this case, you notice the fear about starting a new relationship.
You embrace this respectfully.
You wonder what there is to discover about this.
You explore what is the fear about?
What your concerns are.
This is all good learning that loosens up our fixations.

It may be, for example, that underneath this fear is some assumption you are making about a relationship that hasn't happened yet. Or assumptions about what emotional issues may be exposed. And so on. It flushes out our shadows. :)

This is the frame of learning, discovery. There is nothing good or bad here. We don't need to judge ourselves. But learn how to learn. You are your biggest mystery, and work of art. :)

Much love,
John

[Anne71]

Hi John,

Been in the garden clearing. :)

Making space for new magic to grow.

Rather than seek to dis-identify from it, there's something else you can do.
Fear isn't bad, it's really a message, an indicator of the unknown, which often stirs up our own emotional stuff.
So, in this case, you notice the fear about starting a new relationship.
You embrace this respectfully.
You wonder what there is to discover about this.
You explore what is the fear about?
What your concerns are.
This is all good learning that loosens up our fixations.

When i wrote down my other fears, they did seemed managable or not in my influence anyway and the fear dissolved.

It may be, for example, that underneath this fear is some assumption you are making about a relationship that hasn't happened yet. Or assumptions about what emotional issues may be exposed. And so on. It flushes out our shadows. :)

Oh, i definitely make assumptions from past experiences!

I think a relationship would be a great place to learn more about me.
But in am also ok with being single several yrs now.
There is a kind of emotional barrier towards a relationship. A sceptical, protective feeling blocks being open.

These are my fears:
Fear to like somebody secretly and live a relationship in my mind until discovering that he is not single.
- I think i learned that lesson! But interesting to see how different perceptions can be.

Fear to be bullied in relationship but not being able to leave.
Fear to pick/attrackt the same type of guy again.
- This is a huge fear bc i experienced that ‘love’ kind of addictive. And i believe i am too nice and tend to find excuses for other ppl. meanness.

Fear of being exhausted and drained with selfworth worse than before, after finally managing to split up.

This are thoughts telling story of Anne. And making judgements. But learning can happen, right?

When i look back, i see that i was a lot in my head, worrying, having fictional conversations, trying to argue with myself (to split or not to split) and with this being distracted from what was really going on. And creating suffering.
Aha!
I dont want that anymore. I will go more with intuition or whatever it may be called.
And i can focus on myself instead of focusing on partner, like you said. (I might get a tatoo: ‘The focus is you. Others will take care of themselves.’)

This is the frame of learning, discovery. There is nothing good or bad here. We don't need to judge ourselves. But learn how to learn. You are your biggest mystery, and work of art. :)

Yeah!
Attention - art in progress.

I mourn the lightness and naivite i had in my first relationships.


Thank you
Big hug
Anne

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Anne,

Good stuff.

Stories orbiting around empty space.

Something to sit with.

Much love,
John