1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
I read that question. And I just stare at the computer screen, waiting for words to come up. And I chuckle while doing that head nodding thing, no, no. Of course there's not an “I”. And there never was an “I”. Thoughts of the idea of past come up, thoughts of Destroy The Ego, Finding True Self, etc etc. And it’s so funny. Because there never as an “I”. The phrase dog chasing his tail comes to mind. There never was an “I”. And finally looking, seeing that, as simply what is, not as some other concept or soemthing else that was learned. There is no “I’.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Might as well start from the beginning. I would imagine this to start at the early stages, right when the baby is learning language, a sense of ownership such {my parents, my toys, my blah blah}, that starts seeing a difference between his things and other things, separateness begins, Everything starts having a name. These two people that the baby feels a deep connection with, have their label, name, and they even gave him one. And then time moves on. And everything is taken in that sense of separateness, with that sense of ownership. Yes, of course it feels good to have ownership about the nice things, but horrible to have ownership of the bad ones. Society, norms, government, education systems, religion, all enforce this sense of separateness. The individual. All these different sources, telling the individual, what to do, how to be, how to act. This sense of always needing to improve. Not meeting standards and expectations. Etc etc. A truly miserable existence. All based on a false idea that was perhaps somewhat useful for communication and reference purposes but nothing more than that. “I” is just a thought, an illusion, a thought that was never looked at, never questioned. It started of simple and innocent enough. But then their was all these other thoughts about the thought. And well. The thought “I” claimed ownership. For everything. The thought “I” said that it moves and thinks, and eats, and dances, and makes love, and smells, and climbs a mountain, etc. It’s so silly now. It’s so absurd.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Weird, funny, silly, lighter, not seriou. By the simplest of words and the most basic of measures. The difference now is, that I don’t have to look anymore. Crazy to be surprised. Don’t know what’s going to be written next even. It’s wonderful. I do see why Liberation Unleashed calls it a guide, not a teacher. The difference was that, I was circling the block, but never going into the bar. I had read about the bar. I even took a few glimpses into the bar from the window, or the front door. But I just kept circling around and around. But didn’t go in. Got distracted with other things. Even got distracted with reading books about famous people who had been to the bar, etc etc. The difference now. Is that I went in. that I looked. So the best way I can say it, is that, the difference now is that I have clarity.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Your questions in general. That nudging in thee direction where I’m supposed to look. If I had to pick something specific it would be from the quote below. Looking at fears. It’s not dramatic in any sense, it’s a very subtle thing. You made me look at something that I needed to look at, but for whatever reason I wasn’t doing. That’s probably what pushed me over. And when I looked at some of those fears, and I looked, I payed attention, I focused, it went away. Funny, weird, wonderful.
When fear is noticed, stay with it. Find where in the body it is felt. There is no reason to fear the fear. Respect it. Once this is done, look at what is behind the fear. Do with with whatever fear is coming up - one from the list you gave (nice list, by the way!) or another that is present in the moment.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Oh come on. Decision? That was such a serious word. “What am I going to decide to eat for lunch? What movie am I going to watch? Should I workout in the morning or the afternoon? What can I do to balance things in my life?” etc. Decisiones. Big ones, little ones, of all sorts. And “I” of course as the main character, doing them, in charge of life. In control of the situation. Things just happening, stuff just happening, moment to moment. Sure, thoughts can come up after something happened, make commentary about it. And say that it was this all powerful all knowing “I” that made the decision. But that’s just like a sports commentary taking credit for the basketball shot that one of the players made. It’s ridiculous. It’s cute. It’s not even upsetting. You would think that somehow after seeing theirs no “I”. that then you’d have all this resentment for not having seen it earlier. And no. It’s just funny. Free will choice and control? To do what? To follow pre conditioned responses of the body? To gravitate naturaly to what feels natural and normal, based on instinct, and nature, nurture, etc? Free will to what? To not be human? Could a dog somehow not be a dog? Theirs an idea of free will, of control of decision, etc. And I’m sure we can dig ourselves deep into any of them. But it doesn’t matter. Because they’re beliefs, that are based upon something that doesn’t even exist. “I”.There's nothing there to exert free will, control, decision. There is no “I” responsible for anything. I love how wonderfully irresponsible that sounds. Things just happening. Life happening. Livingness. In all the myriad of ways.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you for being here. And standing by my side. Thank you for nudging me in the right direction and making me look, at what I was missing. Thank you for your time and your questions. Thank you for helping me. Thank you Stacy.
Tell me whatever needs to be clarified and I’ll get right on it.
Much love,
Big hugs,
Xander
