Scared right now

[AttheGate]

I’m in Los Angeles. Where are you?

Your responses are very helpful. Can’t hardly believe how fast things are opening right now.

This is huge for me. In the last few years since my surgeries, ongoing pain and physical limitations, my guidance has come solely from youtube. Many gifts, of course. Yet, Very, very different from our interchanges.

Warmly, j

[s-p-a-c-e]

I’m in Los Angeles. Where are you?

Sunny North Wales, UK.

Your responses are very helpful. Can’t hardly believe how fast things are opening right now.

This is huge for me. In the last few years since my surgeries, ongoing pain and physical limitations, my guidance has come solely from youtube. Many gifts, of course. Yet, Very, very different from our interchanges.

Yes, YouTube has some wonderful material.

Shall look forward to your next post.

Time to sleep. :)

Warm wishes,
John

[AttheGate]

This body has lots of pain due 1/3 of my back being held together with rods and screws and some even larger issues.

The circumstances of last night could have been a huge challenge.
Loved the way I lightly —-emphasized lightly —questioned the authority of mind babble. Intense body sensations were there but I didn’t let the mind run it’s usual story. Pain came and went!! instead of “OMG I’m hitting the wall and my back is about to be completely frozen”. I watched mind lightly. No goal to get rid of pain or anything else.

Lightness is the key.

Including how I responded to your suggestions. Read them over at different times and let go. Haha. Not the usual diligent student steadfastly getting to the heart of the matter. Right now feeling it’s a game.

[s-p-a-c-e]

This body has lots of pain due 1/3 of my back being held together with rods and screws and some even larger issues.

The circumstances of last night could have been a huge challenge.
Loved the way I lightly —-emphasized lightly —questioned the authority of mind babble. Intense body sensations were there but I didn’t let the mind run it’s usual story. Pain came and went!! instead of “OMG I’m hitting the wall and my back is about to be completely frozen”. I watched mind lightly. No goal to get rid of pain or anything else.

Lightness is the key.

Lovely work. Lightness is, as you've found, all that's required.
There never was any authority in the voice, just smoke and mirrors.
Now free of this, releases a lot of tension in the body.

Including how I responded to your suggestions. Read them over at different times and let go. Haha. Not the usual diligent student steadfastly getting to the heart of the matter. Right now feeling it’s a game.

That's the way to approach it, lightly, learning, opening, unfolding.

Continue to extend your skills in regard to withdrawing apparent 'authority' from a 'voice' in the head, in a couple of different contexts, and share with me any discoveries, or none.

With warmest wishes,
John

[AttheGate]

At home today. Only thing I can report is that generally when I noticed the voice it was easy to ignore or lightly brush away.

When I observed my usual reactions to reading the paper re what’s happening in the US, I did not get as obsessively angry as I often do. Yet I did get angry and fearful. No lightness. Though a the moment of writing this, who cares!

In another setting yesterday, AFTER watching a deeply disturbing documentary I felt a level of compassion for “all of us little humans” trapped in our stories. Including both he victim and the abuser in the documentary. I was surprised at this spontaneous shift. It was a unique “they know not what they do” moment for me.

Thank you, j

[s-p-a-c-e]

At home today. Only thing I can report is that generally when I noticed the voice it was easy to ignore or lightly brush away.

When I observed my usual reactions to reading the paper re what’s happening in the US, I did not get as obsessively angry as I often do. Yet I did get angry and fearful. No lightness. Though a the moment of writing this, who cares!

In another setting yesterday, AFTER watching a deeply disturbing documentary I felt a level of compassion for “all of us little humans” trapped in our stories. Including both he victim and the abuser in the documentary. I was surprised at this spontaneous shift. It was a unique “they know not what they do” moment for me.

Hi j, lovely work!

When we see how we gave authority to a voice in the head, to the ideas of others, to release that authority is quite something. Then, having that knowledge, experience and skill, we look around and see others trapped in the same fashion, carrying out actions robotically. “they know not what they do” is spot on, and very sad. Still, that's where humanity's at right now.

What is left to represent a 'personal self' if we set aside the voice in the head?

Warm wishes,
John

[AttheGate]

Went for a 4 mile hike for the first time in 3 plus years since my surgeries. A milestone. A gorgeous day. I was quite elated.
Pushed my body and was in a lot of pain during the last part of hike and riding homes

Bought into head voice judging how I was handling the pain with my new skills; demanding I recapture the experiences of freedom I’ve had these last few days. And now judging that. Haha 🤣

Whew. Right now A wave of trust. It's happening on its own. Don’t sweat the small stuff—the silliness.
Feels like writing to you I’m plugging into an ocean of joy. Not inflation. Just real. An intimate plug in.
Love. Trust.

Bye for now, j

[s-p-a-c-e]

Went for a 4 mile hike for the first time in 3 plus years since my surgeries. A milestone. A gorgeous day. I was quite elated.
Pushed my body and was in a lot of pain during the last part of hike and riding homes

Wonderful. I can feel the sunshine.

Bought into head voice judging how I was handling the pain with my new skills; demanding I recapture the experiences of freedom I’ve had these last few days. And now judging that. Haha 🤣

:) Voices are fun to listen to, learn from, ignore - whichever is appropriate. :D

Whew. Right now A wave of trust. It's happening on its own. Don’t sweat the small stuff—the silliness.
Feels like writing to you I’m plugging into an ocean of joy. Not inflation. Just real. An intimate plug in.
Love. Trust.

Lovely stuff j. You've awoken again within you. Ah, trust in life - yes!
Especially, when it happens on its own, what a joy.

Following your lead j, what's coming up next for you to question, explore, challenge, enjoy? :)

With much love,
John

[AttheGate]

All my life I’ve moved with slow deliberation. Yesterday life moved me. Flowed me as though I were in a river. Yet, in a certain way I wasn’t moving.

Right now, It’s happenening and I’m not doing it. Holding on. Letting go. it’s happening on its own. Feeling anxious yet calm, expectant yet not giving a damn what happens next, open to each moment yet wanting it to slow down.

Mind wants to understand how so much opens up, speeds up when I write you. I touch the keyboard and wham. Bizarre and scary.
And I don’t care. All happening right now. Haha
I grew up near Disneyland. This is Mr. Toads Wild Ride.
Grew up in a surfing culture. I body surfed. At this millisecond I’m riding the big ones. And not. Just a fleeting drama that continues.

Yesterday in the market my heart flew open, my eyes filled with tears of joys, felt such love. The love wave gently flowing me
for a long ride to a shore. Yet, no time, no shore.

Have to go.

And now, pretentending to be sane ( 😂) an ending salutation .

Good day, John, in Wales.

ps. Sanity says “tell John you’re fine, you're sane”. Not giving a damn says “it really doesn’t matter”.

[s-p-a-c-e]

All my life I’ve moved with slow deliberation. Yesterday life moved me. Flowed me as though I were in a river. Yet, in a certain way I wasn’t moving.

Lovely.

Right now, It’s happenening and I’m not doing it. Holding on. Letting go. it’s happening on its own. Feeling anxious yet calm, expectant yet not giving a damn what happens next, open to each moment yet wanting it to slow down.

Lovely to read. Life flows joyously through an open gate.

Mind wants to understand how so much opens up, speeds up when I write you. I touch the keyboard and wham. Bizarre and scary.
And I don’t care. All happening right now. Haha
I grew up near Disneyland. This is Mr. Toads Wild Ride.
Grew up in a surfing culture. I body surfed. At this millisecond I’m riding the big ones. And not. Just a fleeting drama that continues.

Looked up Mr Toad's Wild Ride. :D Was great. hahaha

Yesterday in the market my heart flew open, my eyes filled with tears of joys, felt such love. The love wave gently flowing me
for a long ride to a shore. Yet, no time, no shore.

Ahhhhh.

Have to go.

And now, pretentending to be sane ( 😂) an ending salutation .

Good day, John, in Wales.

ps. Sanity says “tell John you’re fine, you're sane”. Not giving a damn says “it really doesn’t matter”.

So much for sunny Wales, very snowy today. :) Had a good day, thank you.

Although we started with an inquiry into 'personal self', looks to me that you caught this beautiful wave of insight that's been on its way awhile. Would you share with me how you now see the 'personal self' thing, whether it even matters. :)

With warmest wishes,
John

[AttheGate]

Glad to be answering right now. Lots of body pain, feels like tears/sadness coming up, very heavy. The wave is a ripple right now. This is much less enjoyable than this morning.
No joy apparent. Physical pain.

Some sense of a personal self is still there. Still some predictable thoughts. They slip away fairly rapidly.
A preference for lightness and joy. Yet, in some ways it doesn’t mattered.
Slipping, slipping away right now.
Trusting.

All for now.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Glad to be answering right now. Lots of body pain, feels like tears/sadness coming up, very heavy. The wave is a ripple right now. This is much less enjoyable than this morning.
No joy apparent. Physical pain.

Some sense of a personal self is still there. Still some predictable thoughts. They slip away fairly rapidly.
A preference for lightness and joy. Yet, in some ways it doesn’t mattered.
Slipping, slipping away right now.
Trusting.

Thank you for the update. Light and shade is a more balanced picture.

Good, trusting is the thing. Wide open to life, and you are of life. Life brings, you bring. A dance. :)

A 'sense of a personal self' is fine. Watch it closely, even lovingly.
Notice that there is a sensation (the sense bit) and an idea (the 'personal self' bit).
Set the idea aside for a little while, and feel the sensation just as a sensation - like a sensation in the foot.

Share any discoveries.

With warmest wishes,
John

[AttheGate]

As always, interesting guidance.

I’m lying down resting my back. Tired and exilerated by a morning at a special (Waldorf charter) school that incorporates body mind and heart In all they do

Right now, Love for this form that is pulsed by life. So dear.
At this moment this form seems porous. Very porous. Awhile ago, aware of heightened sensations/senses. Form now seems inert yet fully alive. Form kinda blobby. Form yet no form. I’ve never taken acid but, this could be what’s meant by “trippy”

All for now.

Thank you

[AttheGate]

Just woke up with horror and dread about the killing of school children in Florida, the Republicans response is to undo
gun regulation passed by Obama. Killing our own children. No safety for our children. Engulfed by nausea, rage and sadness.
Killing the beauty that’s we are born with- - that was so apparent at grandparent day at the school yesterday.

Rage, horror more intense than I’ve ever felt. I don’t care about the explorations of the Judith entity. None of that exists. Only explosion of fire. No inside, outside. One destructive fire.

No love. No light. Only Being screaming NOOOOOO. One scream.
Only one heart. Broken, raw screaming with fiery rage.

The flood in the Bible wasn’t water. It was fire.

[s-p-a-c-e]

I don’t care about the explorations of the Judith entity. None of that exists. Only explosion of fire. No inside, outside. One destructive fire.

I understand Judith.
Should you ever wish to continue, let me know.

Take care,
John