Beyond the ceiling

[Eauvive]

Dear Canfora,

It seems you are identifying with awareness at the time being? Is this awareness you talk about something separate from all the rest?

You were right, ah! There was still that recess in which I imagined a mute-neutral-shapeless viewer. I got really frustrated by that question, always the sure sign a shift is coming. Then I had a meditation with just this:

Noticing happens

Strong stuff! As it happens, noticing also notices noticing: that's where the vague notion of "I, the viewer" was lodged. That's what I was calling "awareness". It's not believable anymore.

So there you go.

Does awareness have a shape, a location, a weight? Can you point to this awareness?

No!

Since then, I feel in contact with something very strong in a positive way. I also have pangs of fear and sadness, but they don't last. This is the first shift that brings some grieving feelings since our conversation started. I almost feel tenderness for the lost illusion. Also a slightly uncomfortable vertigo, the sense of being off hooked. I need to revisit the space opened by that meditation several times a day to work towards acceptance. (I'm not in shock, though, it's all soft work.)

Hugs,

Eau Vive

[Canfora]

Dear Eau Vive,

I need to revisit the space opened by that meditation several times a day to work towards acceptance.

This reminds me of something Paul Hedderman's uses to talk about: are you making a renovation project of yourself?

What is this self that you are trying to change?

What needs to work towards acceptance?

Is there a reason why Eau Vive can't be accepted exactly as she is right now? Wouldn't accepting this illusory you as it is be he acceptance you are looking for?

Big hug,
C

[Eauvive]

Dear Canfora,

I need to revisit the space opened by that meditation several times a day to work towards acceptance.

This reminds me of something Paul Hedderman's uses to talk about: are you making a renovation project of yourself?

No, no! "Acceptance" wasn't the right word, actually. At least, now it isn't. There's just the need to acknowledge and touch, again and again, the sense of void or free fall left by the deflated tales.

There's not even a quest for meaning anymore -- talk of a big chunk that's fallen off!! There's a vast calm instead, but so vast it takes some getting used to. There's no sadness now, no fear, that's gone. Everything changes by the minute here!

So there's no self I am trying to change, nothing that isn't accepted. There's pleasant stuff and not so pleasant stuff, but it's just being noticed. There are some habits and the hope they will change, but it's fairy laid back compared to modelling a self!

Big hugs,

Eau Vive!

[Canfora]

Dear Eau Vive,

You have been "blued" - which means an administrator send you some aftercare information, gave you access to other forums in this site and invited you to LU aftercare, in Facebook. Wonderful.

It was a great pleasure being your guide. If you need me, feel free to send a PM or an e-mail using the features in this forum. I'll try to keep an eye on the aftercare FB group to see if I spot you there, so that we can become FB friends and keep an eye on each other :)

I wish you all the best in life!

Big hug,
C

[Eauvive]

Dear Canfora,

this is wonderful. Thank you ever so much for the precious time and thoughts you dedicated to this process. I certainly hope to befriend you in the aftercare world (sounds a bit like afterlife).

I have never been on Facebook, and never intended to! Well, yet another new horizon...

Thank you also for leaving the door open for more communications, I will not forget your offer.

All warm wishes go your way,

Eau Vive