Falling into

[Cloudberry]

Are you thinking thoughts?

No, they just appear and are not generated by me. It is possible to jump on a thought and invest it with energy

Is there an 'I' that controls thoughts?

Not that I can see

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

No control over that that I can see. It's possible to take the attention to something else and deprive a thought of energy but not possible to prevent a thought from appearing

Is it possible to prevent the thought "I" from appearing?

No it doesn't seem to be possible, it just happens. The "I" ness just grabs hold of something and identifies with it.

Can ‘you’ stop a thought in the middle?

It's possible to wake up to thinking a thought and let it go. I'll need to look at this more because yes I think it's possible to label "thinking is happening" and let it go

Can you choose what to think?

To a degree it seems possible but it is like swimming against an invisible tide and it's as if the mind wants to create it's own thoughts

Can you choose what not to think?

No

Today has been interesting. I went for a long 3hr walk with a good friend into the woods and along the canal. I felt very at ease and the body was just doing it's thing walking and moving. As I write this it's as if thoughts are quieter.

From the above inquiry it seems as if there isn't much control over thinking itself and there is a sense of letting it go and letting it be, just seeing it as something that comes and goes that there is no control over. Walking today I was reminded of the title of a Zen book "being nobody going nowhere" and that is how it felt to me. It feels like I'm starting to see through this.

I'll carry on looking into experience and looking forward to your next questions

Be well

Rob

[AlinaP]

Thank you for the clear answers,

YES to being nobody going nowhere!

Thoughts are absolutely impersonal...thoughts build a small me, a grandiose me, a miserable me, an awakened me. The variations are endless. And it doesn’t stop. Just as optical illusions keep working, the imaginary self keeps getting built. But that doesn’t make it true "self." Is it there at all? 

Can something that does not exist get rid of itself? 
Ask Santa claus to do that. Can he get rid of himself? 
Does it even make sense? 


In nature if you look at a tree or a bird, is life happening to a tree or tree is a form of life, happening AS the tree? As a bird?
If you look at this body, is life happeningto the body or as the body?
To thoughts or as thoughts? 
To emotions or as emotions? 
To sensations or as sensations? 
To an ide of a self, or as idea of a self? 

Can you see what I'm pointing to? 
Is there anything outside the life happening?

Sending love

[Cloudberry]

Alina

I'm not going to rush my reply. Something kind of beautiful is gently happening.

Is there anything outside of life happening?

No, There can't be.

There is a shift in perspective when this is pondered.

I'll write again later this week and will continue the looking

Thank you

Rob

x

[AlinaP]

Take your time Rob,

What is truly here? The constant or the coming and going, or are there two things happening? Or is it just THIS?
In the moment of direct experience can you ever be apart from the perceived?

Reality is near! Look around. This IS. Here now. 
The rest is thoughts about what is not happening. Can you see the difference between what is and what is in the head, as images, as thoughts about i, or him, her, them.. 

Here is someone fun to explore:

In direct seeing is there a boundary?
Is skin a boundary? Can you see inside and outside of skin? 
And what happens to the boundary if you lift your eyes up and see only sky? Where is the body? Did it disapear for a moment? And with eyes closed, where did the body go? 
With eyes open or closed, there are sensations happening. They are labelled "body", but is body the perceiver of sensations or is a sensation perceived? 
Is life happening to the body? Or as the body (sensations) 

With eyes open, where is a line between you and not you?
Is there a line where awareness ends and unawareness begins?

Have fun LOOKING!
Sending love.

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

I hope you have had a good week?
I've had a busy week. I've been teaching a large class of over 60 students. It was a great experience and took a lot of energy and I think it interrupted my looking a bit.

So. Here we are.

What is truly here? The constant or the coming and going, or are there two things happening? Or is it just THIS?
In the moment of direct experience can you ever be apart from the perceived?

It must be only THIS as there is nowhere else to go. The coming and going is still happening in THIS

Can you see the difference between what is and what is in the head, as images, as thoughts about i, or him, her, them..

The difference is starting to be seen. The "I"ness seems so familiar though and very easy to be identified with the story of me.
But I guess that is still "THIS"?

In nature if you look at a tree or a bird, is life happening to a tree or tree is a form of life, happening AS the tree?

Definitely as a tree. I see it

Is there anything outside the life happening?

No, there is just life happening. A complete soup of one-ness unfolding and being and all connected. I can see how subject object gets in the way. Labelling of things sets up duality. Mine. My cup, my car, my desk, my house. Yet when I look into the garden and see the raindrops and trees and birds it is all just life happening. All of it is just life happening. I am really starting to "feel" this as a change in perception. It takes effort though or there is a slipping back into story.

There is a sense of being part of something endless. Boundless. It takes a shift in perspective. A reducing of the thoughts and story occurs. This seems to be a result of the looking. I've also been a bit absent minded and forgetting things. It's almost like things don't matter so much.

I still have a sense of happening to me though and haven't been able to see through the story and character of Rob though, like Santa Clause.

With eyes open, where is a line between you and not you?
Is there a line where awareness ends and unawareness begins?

This seems to be dissolving. I'm looking at the clock on the table and watching the second hand move around the clock face and there is the seeing of it and the hearing of it and this sense of being one with it shifts in and out. There is space between it and me but it's all just "THIS"... including me.

My meditation practice is just sitting. I've found the practice really deepening and wonderfully still and present and part of it all. I'm able to carry this into my life and just be where I am, just sitting and experiencing and no boredom. Like I mentioned before about being nobody going nowhere. This sense is growing

I'm still kind of expecting there to be a permanent shift in perception. Wondering if something will click and fall into place.

Lots of love

Rob

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

So today I can wholeheartedly, unequivocally say that I am not my body. Ive been looking into it and I'm not it. My body does its own thing. Grows hair, nails, breathes, pumps blood, digests, signals hunger. Just watching this morning it was so obvious. All the bodily functions taking care of themselves. There is some clever intelligence at play and there is no"I" doing it.

This just life happening really resonates.

I think I need to look into thoughts and mind now to see the absence of self there.

Just though I'd share.

Be well

Rob

[AlinaP]

So sorry Rob for the delayed reply,

My 5 year old has been very sick for the past 4 days and i am really out of the zone to reply now, please allow me few days to get back to you.

Kind regards
Alina

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

No problem and thanks for letting me know. I do hope he/she returns to good health soon .

Wishing you both well.

Take care

Rob

[AlinaP]

Sorry for the delay, wow it was a long fever episode, we are better now,

I think I need to look into thoughts and mind now to see the absence of self there.

Where is the self felt? how does it look? what colour it is?

Is there anything special about "me-thoughts"?
Bring up a thought about "me".
Watch it, observe it.

Then bring up a thought about a "different character".
Watch it, observe it:
Is there anything special about the thought "me" compared to the thought "other character"?
Is there something different in their nature? Or is it just different content?

Where do you SEE a separation?

Write what feels true,
Sending love.

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

So glad you are all well again.

Thanks for writing and the questions. Let me look and I'll reply shortly

Thanks

Rob

[AlinaP]

Thank you!

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

So..

Where is the self felt? how does it look? what colour it is?

The self doesn't look like anything, and doesn't have a colour. I don't think it's felt anywhere.

Is there anything special about "me-thoughts"?

There are lots of them :-)
They seem important
The seem to be looking to protect the self or get something for the self. Protection or benefit.
They keep me trapped in the story of me.

Bring up a thought about "me".
Watch it, observe it.

I brought up stories of me, future, past, imagination, fantasty etc. Some senses of resonance in the body when I imagined being old and frail and helpless.

Then bring up a thought about a "different character".
Watch it, observe it:

I then imagined a few different characters from films

Is there anything special about the thought "me" compared to the thought "other character"?
Is there something different in their nature? Or is it just different content?

Nothing different that I can see. It's just different content. It really does just seem to be different content.

Where do you SEE a separation?

I'm not sure I understand the question on the last statement. Are you asking the separation between the imagined character and me? If so the only difference is the me character seems to be important and thoughts about me are priority in the mind. Treated as VIP thoughts and get real attention. They get believed in. It's a belief.

When I say there is life just happening it really feels amazing. There is still a belief in "I", "me" which is a tough habit to break.

I feel much closer though, much much closer and am totally committed to this process.

Please help me see

Wishing you wellness and happiness

Rob

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

Life just happening is really sinking in and is starting to be seen.

I still think I've not been able to really see through the character of me, or seeing how I am just a character. I'm expecting to see it and have an aha moment and to understand from every angle. Is this an unhelpful expectation or concept?

There are some beautiful things happening and I'm really seeing life differently and living life differently. Very present and connected. Seeing life just unfolding and seeing selfing happening in response to it.

I've not heard from you. Is everything ok? Are you still able to guide? I feel I am close but still need some help but not sure if this process takes weeks, months, years

Hoping you are well

Rob

[AlinaP]

So sorry Rob, I've been too busy lately.

If that is ok with you I will ask from a fellow guide to continue to guide you, since it is surly the best to have a daily LU interaction to gain a momentum.

There is still a belief in "I", "me" which is a tough habit to break.

How does that 'I' 'me' belief looks like? Is this I-dentity is seen as an appearance?
Does identifying need a self to occur?

If you sit down to watch a good movie and it is so good that it captivates you and you're lost in it, identifying with characters and feeling emotions... do you still at any time know that it's just a movie?

Write what feels true.
Sending love.

[Cloudberry]

Hi Alina

Thank you. I'm cool with another guide although it has been great working with you. Do I need to do anything or will you hook me up with a new guide?

Thank you so much for bringing huge positive changes into my life.

Wishing you lots of love

Rob