Postby Portabales » Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:45 pm
Hi Mark. Once again, I've taken some time with these questions to really look, and make sure I'm not just regurgitating stuff I've read or heard elsewhere. Here goes, then.
1. No. And no. all illusion, created by thought and conditioning, or programming
2. There is a body. There is thought/mind, which in turn leads to beliefs, personality, character. And there is interaction between thought and body, so that each affects the other. And all this impacts on, and is affected by, the environment or life in general (ie not “my “ life).
From birth/early childhood I was given a name, an identity, and taught to identify with that, with a group of people called family, and to see myself as a separate entity from the rest of life, rather than part of it.
Thoughts proliferate, accumulate and interrelate, all in ways unknown, to produce the “self”. I am now 60 years old, so who knows how manythoughts have occurred in that time? Thoughts provoke more thoughts, in a seemingly never ending chain reaction, and so the sense of self grows stronger.
There is awareness of thought, sensation, feeling, and then thought itself labels and appropriates it and adds it to the “self”. Lately there are split seconds opening up between awareness and thought, like chinks of light seen under a door. I can find nothing that is aware/looking/being, even though thought still tries to appropriate the awareness and add it to the “self”. There is a sense of self, but that’s all it is – a product of thought. Awareness, looking and being just are.
There will still be conditioned responses, reactions and emotions like anger and frustration – times when the “I/me” seems real. But never now without looking directly and deeply to see what’s really going on. This is happening now, maybe not straight away, but with practice it will become automatic, even to the point of there being no discernible gap between the arising of the “me response” and the seeing. I have already experienced this lessening of the gap in a different context, over years of working with the principles shared in Byron Katie’s “The Work”.
3. There is some sadness, for years and time “wasted”, but in reality everything has been necessary to get me to this point. Maybe some disappointment, not to be experiencing the joy or elation which I suppose I was seeking – like some kind of spiritual “high” or “trip”, ha ha! Instead there is a sense of peace, and the whole thing seems much more ordinary and grounded than I perhaps expected.
I was expecting, at least in part, to cross some kind of “finish line”, and then to be able to sit back and enjoy all the bliss, joy and general spiritual goodies that my hard work had earned. Now it feels as though the work has really just begun; it’s not over by any means, and maybe never will be.
4. There was frustration with all the spiritual searching, the reading, hours spent in meditation, looking for answers from various sources – even though many of those sources emphasised the importance of looking within. When nothing else had worked, it was time to look!
The “outside push” came from a friend who introduced me to the page. As to what, internally, prompted the looking: the looking/awareness were already there, and thought reacted to it and appropriated it, and tried to find a better way – enlightenment, insight, whatever. When all the time it was there – just the looking, the observation, the awareness of things happening/unfolding.
5. In answering this question have grouped some of the items together, as there appears to be some overlap. Let me know if I’ve missed something!
Decision/choice: stimulus or programming prompts a thought that something needs doing – eg, hunger prompts the thought “I should eat”. A number of “choices” (other thoughts) then occur – ice cream, pasta, salad… Depending on circumstances (availability, my weight, visualisation of the alternatives, cravings, my programming about healthy choices – the list is endless), a “decision” is made. No “I” makes the choice or decision, there is a very complex process of stimulus, thought, conditioning, programming and circumstance which takes place in a very short period of time. And this applies no matter how trivial/important, or simple/complex, the decision is.
Free will/control: there is no “I”, so “I” am not in control. Again, there is an interaction of my programming, conditioning and thoughts, with other circumstances and conditions (including people and life generally), which results in things happening – or not. The happening takes place without the need for “me” to be involved – which is just as well, as there is no”me “ to be involved!!
Intention: like decision and choice, intention arises from previous conditioning/programming and current stimuli/thoughts. So, as aresult of this process of looking which hhas taken place now over a period of weeks, there has been intention to answer these questions. But rather than “I” intending to do it, the intention has arisen from instilled values (thoughts again!) that things should be completed, that I shouldn’t waste my or other people’s time, and through dissatisfaction with how things are (again in response to conditioning).
6. Some of the conditioning can be in reverse, ie seeing what parents (as an example) do and how that works out, and then reacting against that.
In looking at and unpicking these questions, it seems that seeing the true source causes of what happens would involve going back through countless (literally)causes, effects and conditions. This is quite mind boggling and, it would seem, not that helpful – but is that just “me” being lazy? It just seems that madness lies that way…
