Hi Wesley,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is no separate entity 'self', 'Me' 'I' in reality anywhere. Ever. Only in language do they exist.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of a separate self is an assumption that is never questioned, and becomes something simply believed from the days we learn language, when the 'me' seems to be needed to make sense of things. All the 'my this' 'my that' creates a feeling of separateness, and the illusion of control. The feeling of separation, the desire to protect, redeem, control are all dysfunctions arising from this core belief of separation. The self is just a thought, and a thought can't think, decide, do anything. A thought just appears, and passes by. No need to attach ownership and energy to it. The mind is just labelling experience by preceding it with an 'I". Now I see this belief of a separate self is an illusion. The sense of self i had was just thoughts, feelings, emotions. No actual self at all. I look with my senses to find this self, but it does not exist in reality. There is just the brain, heart and body. No need for an entity to own them. they just exist and life just happens.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels a relief. To see the pointlessness of getting hooked into an illusory self, when the reality is so obvious when seen. Where I have been getting caught up in desires and fears, thoughts now arise that question, who is desiring, who is fearing, and then, there is no 'i', so why follow those thoughts with actions, .. and pleasant emotions follow this as a result of seeing truly. Freedom in this. I look at a flower and see it is beauty being expressed, vital and alive, not just a pretty flower, but perfection! Everywhere, perfection. Trusting in that. When I observe someone, a friend, behaving in a way that affects me, i can now just accept they are just as they are, just expressing as they need to express in that moment, and not get caught up in reactions, but calmly let it all just be.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Looking at raw sense information, and where assumptions come in that experience. with the sound exercise, i was really struggling to see the sense from the thought, then i suddenly listened to the sound being everywhere, no line of separation, and i saw the oneness of it all, and that there is no self in any of it.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
THese things are generally made in reference to a self, to someone making decisions, making choices, having intentions, having free will. There's no free will, because there's noone with a will. There's no control, cos there's noone managing things. It is just the illusion of self that makes it appear someone is doing these things. They are really just life happening by itself. Decisions just happen. The brain makes a choice, then the labelling kicks in and the mind discusses it. Once the decision is made, the heart knows and can feel if the choice feels right (lightness, openness) and go with it, or not (heaviness, contraction). There is no 'you' to be responsible for anything, but there are deeper and deeper feelings of rightness and wrongness depending on what is going on in the body and brain and heart, and consequences of decisions that can lead to suffering or joy....but no entity doing the suffering or joy...just life happening. At some point the desire to go with choices that feel right and light and joyful (like choosing to help someone that wants it), will be greater than those that feel wrong and heavy (like feeling afraid and choosing to walk past without helping).
6) Anything to add?
Thankyou for the wonderful work you do to help people like me see the way it all really is,
