New one-no one

[MichaelD]

Hey Heidi,

What's happening?

You were doing really well.

Looking at choices and decision making etc. Are you stuck?

Don't worry if you are - let me know and I will give you an exercise or two.

With love,

Michael

[Amarilia]

Hi Michael!

Sorry, I haven't forgot you and this, but couldn't answer anything for a while. That's why this "radio silence".

Yes, I'm stuck with this 3. question. Or actually I had a very hard week or two. Nothing "bad" or difficult happened outside, only inside. A huge amount of constriction rose, especially at night. Confusion and complexity. So, I had to take time off about answering and wait for more clarity come to enter into this again. I don't know if all this had something to do with this LU-thing I mean processing with false self. But though it's been very hard, it has also been very effective mental workout: to look "self" at night, middle of confusion. Like looking all those emotions arising, fears, thoughts. But I also lost it somehow, the idea of false self at night: had to put all concentration of breathing practise and other helpful things not to get totally wasted of difficult emotions and feelings. It also got physical; I sweated and heart was beating quickly. Now I feel better. On the other hand I'm thinking did I really "lost it"? I've never been this aware of feelings and emotions at night when having difficulties to sleep. Didn't panic and there was more acceptance at day time: I noticed the thoughts at night for example "but then I'll be exhausted if I don't sleep at all". Like acceptance to what is: there is tiredness. There is constriction. So what?

Still, I'm stuck with this 3. one. Can you help me?

Heidi

[MichaelD]

Hello Heidi,

Great that you are back in touch though sorry to hear of your emotional trauma.

I am not well this w/e so just resting but I will give you some help with choices / decisions tomorrow.

Sorry for the delay.

With love,

Michael

[Amarilia]

Hi Michael!

That’s ok. Take care and there’s no hurry.

Warmly, Heidi

[MichaelD]

Hi Heidi,

How does it feel to see this( no self)? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

.

Although you were writing about emotional pain in some ways you were covering this. You wrote:

I've never been this aware of feelings and emotions at night when having difficulties to sleep. Didn't panic and there was more acceptance at day time: I noticed the thoughts at night for example "but then I'll be exhausted if I don't sleep at all". Like acceptance to what is: there is tiredness. There is constriction. So what?

Your not believing the storyline (that you will be exhausted if you miss sleep) and greater acceptance of pain and whatever is occuring are all typical of someone who has seen no self.

So that is all this question is asking you to do - simply report from how it has changed ordinary life since seeing. It may be usefull to think in terms of work, and relationships with family members and friends etc. Also although you report changes in relation to pain what about at other times? Do you feel calmer, lighter, happier, freer etc.

I hope this helps.

Love,

Michael.

[Amarilia]

Hi Michael!

Thank you! Yes, this really helped a lot. I’ll be back this soon, but now I hope you’ll get rest and get better :)

Love, Heidi

[MichaelD]

Hi Heidi,

How are you doing?

When we began our conversation I also started guiding two others. One dropped away early on, it was obvious that there was no real intention to look. That left two of you. You both seemed to respond well to questions and do the excercises and make progress. You then began to post infrequently. The other person continued and passed through the Gate some while ago. It seems (to talk in broad generalisations) that folk who come to LU and continue pretty much seem to see no self while around them others fall away.

This brings us to you. Working with you it seems clear to me that you have the capacity, qualities and developing tool kit to be able to see the truth. In fact I definitely thought you were begining to see no self when your postings faltered.

Curious?!

My advice (which of course you don't need to take any notice of at all) is to be clear. I recommend the following.

1. Re commit yourself to the process and we will power on. If difficulties or obstacles come up we will work with them.

or

2. If circumstances (internal or external) are such that you cannot continue now, consciously put your inquiry on hold and then return when you are able to. I would appreciate it if you let me know if you take this action but it is not essential.

Fizzling out is not a great option as you may feel that you have tried and failed. Not good. My feeling / intuition is that you will get it so I hope you do continue either now or at a later date.

I hope this helps Heidi.

I have enjoyed working with you and would be very happy (privileged in fact) to do so again so do remember that you are welcome to contact me any time you wish - whenever that may be :)

Warmly,

Michael

[Amarilia]

Hi Michael!

Nice to hear from you :) And sorry, there is some misunderstanding here: last time I understood that you haven’t been well and I thought that we’ll get back when you are ok. Also I admit that my life circumstances (job) are that kind, that sometimes I don’t have time and place to focus on this. My job is irregular and very different than ”9 to 5” job. But maeby if something like that happens and I’m not able to concentrate on this every day, I could at least answer shortly like ”not letting go, will be back later/soon?” or ”are you ok now?”. Would this be ok?

So, haven’t left process to see. Actually I have practising in different kind of situations. If it’s ok for you, I’ll answer those questions you send me before this break? There were some left. Or if you have some other way to go on that’s ok too.

And thank you, It has been delightful to work with you and your guiding has been very helpful :)

Love, Heidi

[MichaelD]

Hi Hiedi,

Brilliant that you are still looking. Sorry if I caused confusion as it was just feeling rough for a few days not a big illness.

I recommend that you re-read the entire thread and then answer the next question on the set I sent you. If you cannot answer the question then reply telling me what you are stuck / struggling with and I will give you ways of looking.

Folk have reported problems with the quote function and some people aren't getting notifications - so if in doubt go to the forum to check for postings.

Really glad you are still on track :)

Let's do this!

Love,

Michael

[Amarilia]

Hi Michael!

I don’t know what happened to my latest post. Disappeared or maeby I didn’t send it at all. Not on purpose, something technical problem. So, let’s make another try.

3. question was something like ”How does it feel now when I see there is no self”? After confusion I felt emptiness. Quite neutral, no ”good or bad”. It’s been easier when I see there is no self. Little bit like ”I don’t care”. But I don’t mean it negatively: I still do things like I did before. Compassion haven’t gone anywhere. I just don’t care peoples opinions so much. Things don’t get so emotional.

Have to answer next questions tomorrow and go to sleep...

Heidi

[MichaelD]

Hello Heidi,

Well done for persevering.

There are gremlins at the moment, so like you I have also had a post disappear (for another client, not yourself). Also some folk (again myself included) are also finding the quote function is not always working properly. Not to worry though as admins are fixing both problems.

A great post!

”How does it feel now when I see there is no self”? After confusion I felt emptiness. Quite neutral, no ”good or bad”. It’s been easier when I see there is no self. Little bit like ”I don’t care”. But I don’t mean it negatively.

Yes, for most folk there tends to be a drop in reactivity. It is a quality of equanimity. There is however the danger of falling into nihilism - a sort of 'there's no one here, its all a fiction, nothing really matters so whats the point' kind of attitude so do be on the look out for that.

I still do things like I did before. Compassion haven’t gone anywhere.

Yes, you supply the antidote yourself - it is a having an attitude of engagement, of love and compassion.

I just don’t care peoples opinions so much. Things don’t get so emotional.

I think you were tired when you wrote your post so I am not sure if the significance of this has dawned on you yet as both of these developments are huge points of freedom.......Well worth noting how less turbulent the journey of life is now that you are less bothered about the reactions of others.

Here are the other three questions (so you don't have to keep fishing back through the conversation to find them).

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Do them in any way or order you wish. 5 is the key one so if you want guidance / excercises please ask.

Warmly,

Michael

[Amarilia]

Hi Michael!

Thank you for writing. And yes, you are so right: I was tired yesterday when I wrote about 3. one. Now I can tell a little bit more: I wrote that I don't care so much of people opinions. What I really meant was, that there is more space between people opinions and my reactions. I do react sometimes, so doesn't that mean that I don't see through illusion of false-self totally? That I react from no-self/ or this "me" (which isn't true)?

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

This is difficult. I've been thinking and working on this question a lot. And to be honest, I don't know! I don't know when it happened. Somewhere in this process with you here, on this forum. It just happened is all I can say.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

My answer is, that ideas and thoughts just arise spontaneously. I can watch them arising. Can't control them, but I can choose which one to follow or make action. Like "feeling hungry", I can decide to eat or not. But did I chose to feel hungry, no. Is that free will? I'm free to choose to eat, not to feel hungry. Like if I choose to eat, I won't feel hunger for a while. If I choose not to eat, feeling of hunger will continue. So the answer is "we can't control thoughts and feelings, only actions". I'm responsible of my actions. For example: someone insults me. I'm responsible how to react: will I insult back, go away, stay, forgive...

Then "what makes things happen?" This is SO interesting! Life just happens; it's only purpose is just be or happen. Or manifest itself, life as it is. On different kind of forms and actions. To flow. To transform. Without so much to intervening or controlling by humans. Or at all. When I'm writing this I'm feeling peace and joy. I mean when I realize that everything just happens, changes. Without "me". And I don't mean that if I see somebody who needs me, I wouldn't do anything: of course I will help if that's necessary. You wrote about this "nihilism", that's true: we are part of this and our purpose is also help others, feel compassion, be loving. Not to live like "I don't care"-attitude.

6. Nothing to add now.

Warmly. Heidi

[MichaelD]

Hi Heidi,

A great and more detailed post, well done.

3. Now I can tell a little bit more: I wrote that I don't care so much of people opinions. What I really meant was, that there is more space between people opinions and my reactions. I do react sometimes, so doesn't that mean that I don't see through illusion of false-self totally? That I react from no-self/ or this "me" (which isn't true)?

Well noticed.

There is more spaceousness once no self has been realized, which you have seen in your reactions to people but reactivity is still likely to occur. You may notice pushing and pulling at experience or resistance to what is occurring. This is normal and doesn't mean that the person hasn't seen. Awakening, or seeing no self, is not enlightennment. It is an important step but not the end of the journey. Because the selfing thought based process has been seen through there is more space but old habits still have momentum. Some folk talk of a cleaning up process or a burning of karma once no self has been seen.

Please don't take this as teaching (which is not my role) I am just trying to help you understand the process you are in a little more clearly. 'Selfing' is likely to occur still but just see it for what it is - and like anything else it is inherantly empty. Notice if it begins to trigger doubt and just let it all burn.

4. What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
This is difficult. I've been thinking and working on this question a lot. And to be honest, I don't know! I don't know when it happened. Somewhere in this process with you here, on this forum. It just happened is all I can say.

No need to bake your head! It seems that it can be dramatic for some folk and gradual for others, perhaps spanning a few days or a week. Sometimes re reading the thread can be helpful.

5. "what makes things happen?" This is SO interesting! Life just happens; it's only purpose is just be or happen. Or manifest itself, life as it is. On different kind of forms and actions. To flow. To transform. Without so much to intervening or controlling by humans. Or at all. When I'm writing this I'm feeling peace and joy. I mean when I realize that everything just happens, changes. Without "me". And I don't mean that if I see somebody who needs me, I wouldn't do anything: of course I will help if that's necessary.

Brilliant!! so if life just happens

Ideas and thoughts just arise spontaneously. I can watch them arising. Can't control them, but I can choose which one to follow or make action. Like "feeling hungry", I can decide to eat or not.

Is there really an "I" that chooses when to eat (it seems like that) but could that also just be part of life's flow?

Over to you Heidi......

I probably won't be able to post tomorrow as I have something big at work to prepare for Tuesday.

Happy looking

Michael

[MichaelD]

Hello Heidi,

Since you are no longer engaging with the process I will take on another client as there are 13 waiting at the Gate. If you ever wish to continue you are most welcome, the thread remains live.

Best wishes,

Michael

[Amarilia]

Okey. Last time you posted ”I probably won't be able to post tomorrow as I have something big at work to prepare for Tuesday.” So I’ve been waiting for your answer. I answered all your questions. But maeby it’s better to stop here and I shall continue with my own languade. I think that it’s the languade-problem (or cultural 😊) witch why there comes some misunderstandings about am I in the process or not :)

I’m really thankful for your help and best wishes to you. You’ve helped me a lot.

Br, HA