Trackless Bird

[s-p-a-c-e]

Ok, good.

Now, the insight of 'me' having dropped away, has implications for the story of 'control' and 'responsibility' - which had been woven into the 'me' notion e.g. 'I' am in control.


Can a dropped 'me' be in control?
Does that make any real sense?

So, where does that leave control of say, a knife and fork?


WIth best wishes!
John

[Periwinkle]

Can a dropped 'me' be in control?
Does that make any real sense?

Obviously not. On one hand this is a huge relief, but on the other there is the question-what now?

If there's no control, then there's nothing to accomplish, there's nothing to do.

I should be complete, but I have to say that I don't feel complete. As if there's something else that I should be doing. This is going to take some getting used to.

This is part of a lifelong habit of defining myself and validating myself by my career, my art, my talent, my ability to create and exhibit an interesting life. Pretty shallow, I know, but there it is.

Then there's the issue of talking with other people about my life. What are you up to? Nothing. What have you been doing? Not much. (Interesting, as if just living isn't enough.)

And I don't want to become one of those non-dual people who can't have an ordinary conversation, always saying that there's nobody here to do anything.

I'm OK with giving up my life, which as I've mentioned feels like an incredible burden, but have not fully settled into what is replacing it.

So, where does that leave control of say, a knife and fork?

Even that?

Mind blown.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Not so fast Batman. :)

If there's no control, then there's nothing to accomplish, there's nothing to do.

Let's look at notions/ideas.

The notion of 'I' ('me').
The notion of 'control'.
The notion of 'I am in control'.
The notion of 'carrot'.

Can you eat the notion of 'carrot'? No. Tastes of nothing. :)

Can you eat a carrot? Yes. Good for the eyes. :)


Can the notion 'I', drive and control a car?

Can a notion do anything but be a notion?

Are you a notion?

Describe something you can do that a notion 'you' can't?


Much love,
John

[Periwinkle]

Not so fast Batman. :)

What? I'm not cooked yet? :)

Are you a notion?
Describe something you can do that a notion 'you' can't?

Tie my shoes. Call my Dad. Make a grocery list. Take the car in for repairs. Hear the crickets.

Thank you, John.

[s-p-a-c-e]

"If there's no control, then there's nothing to accomplish, there's nothing to do."

Q/ Is this true?

[Periwinkle]

Q/ Is this true?

No. I think it was just my I, digging in its heels.

Thanks for calling me on it.

[s-p-a-c-e]

"If there's no control, then there's nothing to accomplish, there's nothing to do."

I've been clearing out a relative's attic :) and there was all this newspaper, yellowing and brittle. It was a in-house newspaper of the Post Office during WW2.

It can be effortless to slip into doctrine as true. It's not the doctrine/description/declaration - but the taking in of it as truth. So, it's helpful to keep the doors open to possibility. :) It's more fun too.

Now, an awakening newspaper we might have stories of: control, and no control; movement, and no movement; oneness and separation; 'life just happens' or 'life is on automatic'. And so on. All, yellowing and brittle.

We might say 'life just happens', but what do we know about that? What is it to be happening? What is life? Why 'just'?

We can attempt to corral life with description, or live, and explore the mystery.

Take the movement of a hand.

What can you say about it?

Much love,
John

[Periwinkle]

Take the movement of a hand.
What can you say about it?

Today, unpacking from a holiday, my hands were a blur, undirected, darting about like an insect. This goes here, that goes there, this gets washed, this goes in the trash, but no one was telling the fingers to squeeze, the palm to cup or the wrist to twist.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Take the movement of a hand.
What can you say about it?

Today, unpacking from a holiday, my hands were a blur, undirected, darting about like an insect. This goes here, that goes there, this gets washed, this goes in the trash, but no one was telling the fingers to squeeze, the palm to cup or the wrist to twist.

Movement is observed. So, you can talk of movement.
Is no-one observed? Can absence be observed?

John

[Periwinkle]

Movement is observed. So, you can talk of movement.
Is no-one observed? Can absence be observed?

I tried, but I can't observe that no-one. It's as if there is a borderless hole that I can't get behind to take a look.

Thanks.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Movement is observed. So, you can talk of movement.
Is no-one observed? Can absence be observed?

I tried, but I can't observe that no-one. It's as if there is a borderless hole that I can't get behind to take a look.

Ok, so, where once 'Skye' ruled the roost, share with me what happens now.

with best wishes,
John

[Periwinkle]

Ok, so, where once 'Skye' ruled the roost, share with me what happens now.

I've loosened my grip.

Nothing to prove, no stake in what happens, yet I'm making decisions. Odd.

Things take care of themselves, while I enjoy the show. It's like reading a good book.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Ok, so, where once 'Skye' ruled the roost, share with me what happens now.

I've loosened my grip.

Nothing to prove, no stake in what happens, yet I'm making decisions. Odd.

Things take care of themselves, while I enjoy the show. It's like reading a good book.

Hi Skye,

Cool. Have a few questions/pointers for you. Just respond as it shows up. :)

1) Was ‘me’/‘myself’ ever a living being that moves, speaks or thinks?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of ‘me’/‘myself’ is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was key in seeing this?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Does ‘me’/‘myself’ make things happen? Is ‘me’/‘myself’ in control of anything? How does it work? What is ‘me’/‘myself’ responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

With kind thanks,
John

[Periwinkle]

1) Was ‘me’/‘myself’ ever a living being that moves, speaks or thinks?

I can’t say that it was. The residue of that belief still pops up, but the moment I look for it, it’s gone, and the awareness of no-self comes back into the foreground.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of ‘me’/‘myself’ is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now. 

The illusion is the unquestioned thought/belief that an “I” exists, floating in the vicinity of my head, and that it is connected somehow to this particular life-stream. In this illusion, it can be hurt, calls the shots, achieves things, loses things, evolves, has something to become, to do, and to be, is a separate living thing layered on top of what we call Skye.

I can’t remember when it started, it’s always been there for me. No memories of early childhood when it is said to start.

It works by being constantly reinforced by thoughts that place it in a competition with the world, where it believes it has to make progress towards happiness, which is defined by having good feelings/pleasure, not having bad feelings/pain.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It’s a huge relief. I can finally relax, and not push anymore. It feels freeing, but at the same time I experience a sense of loss; I don’t want to do things that used to be connected to achieving things in life, which in my case revolved around my art. So, I look forward to rediscovering play for the sake of play.

The difference from before we started this dialogue is that I felt outside of life, at war with life, constantly comparing myself with others. And now it’s ahhhh, and then, what’s next?

I also no longer feel that I have to convince others to believe in my particular story about the world, now that I'm seeing that all perspectives are just that - a story.

4) What was key in seeing this?

There was the strong desire to be free - I had reached a breaking point. Then, there was witnessing several examples of ordinary people (not religious adepts) who were seeing through the illusion, which made it seem possible for me. Then, being kept on point by you, John, in the daily search for an I. After some time when the I couldn’t be found, the seeing suddenly and without warning shifted into view. The simplicity of this event was astonishing.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Does ‘me’/‘myself’ make things happen? Is ‘me’/‘myself’ in control of anything? How does it work? What is ‘me’/‘myself’ responsible for? Give examples from experience.

I no longer view decisions as something that are causes of the expressions of this life-stream; breathing or getting out of bed in the morning, or cooking a meal or planning to purchase a new bike all carry the same weight. Birds come to mind, and how there is no thought in what they do next; I am suddenly interested in something, then I follow that interest, then something else grabs my interest and I follow that. There is no intention to do, but there is doing. Again, there is that residue of “me” that wants to claim the doing, but the instant I look for it, there is only life life-ing.

6) Anything to add?

The journey continues. But now I eagerly look forward to the unfolding instead of anxiously fearing what’s next.

Thank you, John.

Skye