Want to see the truth of 'self', once and for all.

[forgetmenot]

Hello Sherri,

Beautiful...thank you for sharing all of that with me. Seeing the 'self story' as just story is so freeing and is one of the gifts of seeing through the story of there being an inherent self! "I" thoughts will reappear but knowing they are stories doesn't disappear!

Find a TV team sport on TV or a Youtube clip that lasts for at least 5 minutes. The following link is to a game of soccer, but if you prefer another sport…please feel free to find one to do this exercise with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIFUhW3zO5Q

1. Watch one minute with the sound turned OFF, watching ‘people’ messing about with a round thing on a field, up and down, up and down. Let it sink in, the whole experience.

2. Once the first minute is completed, now watch another whole minute with the commentary turned ON.

Notice the differences. Notice how the commentator (aka thought) offers lots of know-how, even advice, seems to feel as though they can influence somehow what is going on, as though one outcome is much preferred to the opposite outcome, the commentary may seem to heighten any supporter feelings which are there, and call for an identification with one team or other, and with the importance of the game itself.

3. Now turn the volume OFF AGAIN and just watch the action with NO audible commentary, the shapes moving around on the screen etc. Again notice all the differences in what is appearing as experience.

4. Now turn the volume ON again and ignore what you think you know thought is talking about, and just notice it as sound.

This exercise shows how thought seems to be the predominant experience, however, if you just allow (watch/observe) thought without actually following thought, you see that thought is just a constant stream of commentary that has a story about everything, and how it overlays actual experience continuously with stories. And this is how thought does the same with the colour labelled ‘Sherri’ and ‘her life’?

Did you notice how the muted video left you rather neutral towards the apparent happenings on screen, while the commentary version of the game kind of sucked you into the story that the commentator (thought) was telling. And did you also notice that muted watching was more about the current action whilst the commentator was mostly referring to what just happened or what may or may not happen? So this is how it goes with the story about a character called ‘Sherri’!

Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

The link was broken unfortunately but I found another football match and did the exercise a few times today.

Did you notice how the muted video left you rather neutral towards the apparent happenings on screen

Yes, there was very little, if any involvement or identification with what was going on. It was just happening, guys chasing a ball around a field.

while the commentary version of the game kind of sucked you into the story that the commentator (thought) was telling.

I could certain see that, how it does pull you in and add layers of story to what is going on.

And did you also notice that muted watching was more about the current action whilst the commentator was mostly referring to what just happened or what may or may not happen?

Yes the commentary drifted off into completely irrelevant to what was going on stuff...like player's personal lives or what they did last season. Utterly irrelevant to the actual event taking place. Layers of crap on top of what was taking place in that moment for real.

you see that thought is just a constant stream of commentary that has a story about everything, and how it overlays actual experience continuously with stories. And this is how thought does the same with the colour labelled ‘Sherri’ and ‘her life’?

Yes, exactly! Loved that exercise it so aptly demonstrates the waffling, often unrelated commentary overlaying what is really happening in any given moment in my life, and how it is so unnecessary and diverges so much from what is actually going on, what is actually being experienced.

In the past I was convinced that the commentary was me and that it was essential to existence...like I wouldn't be able to function or 'think' without it. It seems so clear now that it is not only completely unnecessary to my existence, it is actually not contributing anything worthwhile in any way.

Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

Hi Sherri,

The link was broken unfortunately but I found another football match and did the exercise a few times today.

Thanks for letting me know!

Did you notice how the muted video left you rather neutral towards the apparent happenings on screen

Yes, there was very little, if any involvement or identification with what was going on. It was just happening, guys chasing a ball around a field.

In actual experience is there really “guys chasing a ball around a field”? What is the AE of guys, ball, field?

And did you also notice that muted watching was more about the current action whilst the commentator was mostly referring to what just happened or what may or may not happen?

Yes the commentary drifted off into completely irrelevant to what was going on stuff...like player's personal lives or what they did last season. Utterly irrelevant to the actual event taking place. Layers of crap on top of what was taking place in that moment for real.

Yes, but did you notice that thought only commented on what had already happened (ie past) or about something that may or may not happen (ie future)? That thought couldn't reference the absolute NOW...it could only reference past or future?

you see that thought is just a constant stream of commentary that has a story about everything, and how it overlays actual experience continuously with stories. And this is how thought does the same with the colour labelled ‘Sherri’ and ‘her life’?

Yes, exactly! Loved that exercise it so aptly demonstrates the waffling, often unrelated commentary overlaying what is really happening in any given moment in my life, and how it is so unnecessary and diverges so much from what is actually going on, what is actually being experienced.

Where is the “I” that is living a life? Where in colour, sound, thought, smell, taste, sensation can an “I” be found that is living a life? So can you see that even the thoughts that thought says are relevant to ‘my life” overlay actual experience.

The label “I/me” is the AE of thought and not the AE of an “I”
The sensation labelled ‘body/me/I is the AE of sensation and not the AE of an “I”
The sound labelled ‘my voice’ is the AE of sound and not the AE of an “I”
The image labelled ‘body/me/I’ is the AE of colour and not the AE of an “I”
The thoughts ABOUT an ‘I/me” is the AE of thought and not the AE of an “I”

So where exactly can an “I” be found in actual experience? Experience/THIS is appearing as label + sensation + sound + colour + thoughts ABOUT an “I”…but can an actual “I” be found? Can thought, sound, colour, smell, taste, sensation be living a life?

In the past I was convinced that the commentary was me and that it was essential to existence...like I wouldn't be able to function or 'think' without it. It seems so clear now that it is not only completely unnecessary to my existence, it is actually not contributing anything worthwhile in any way.

Yes…exactly! Nice, Sherri :)

Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

In actual experience is there really “guys chasing a ball around a field”? What is the AE of guys, ball, field?

In actual experience there is colour, sound. ‘Guys chasing ball around field’ is just the content of a thought labeling and therefore not actual experience.

Yes, but did you notice that thought only commented on what had already happened (ie past) or about something that may or may not happen (ie future)? That thought couldn't reference the absolute NOW...it could only reference past or future?

Looking really deeply into that..that does seem to be absolutely true. That made me laugh as I tried to imagine thought being in absolute sync with this absolute moment. I just cannot see how it could ever do that, it's impossible and can only point to either side of the absolute now. Only the past or future, I can clearly see that. Yes just like the commentary of the football match could not be in absolute sync with what was happening, it could only comment on what just happened or what may yet happen.

So where exactly can an “I” be found in actual experience? Experience/THIS is appearing as label + sensation + sound + colour + thoughts ABOUT an “I”…but can an actual “I” be found? Can thought, sound, colour, smell, taste, sensation be living a life?

'I' cannot be found in actual experience. There very definitely is no actual 'I' whatsoever in colour, sound, sensation, taste or thought. Nor can those 'be living a life' they are ultimately labels themselves. I sit as I type this and look for an 'I', literally look...nothing...not a thing... There is no experience of an 'I' at all. It amazes me how this rather large detail could have escaped notice all these years, seems astounding.

Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

Hey Sherri,

In actual experience is there really “guys chasing a ball around a field”? What is the AE of guys, ball, field?

In actual experience there is colour, sound. ‘Guys chasing ball around field’ is just the content of a thought labeling and therefore not actual experience.

Yes…lovely…you have gotten it! :) So, just be aware of this as you go about ‘daily life’...have a look what is actually appearing and thought story that overlays actual experience. Thought either points to AE or it points to thoughts about thought or thoughts about sound, colour, smell, taste and sensation.

Yes, but did you notice that thought only commented on what had already happened (ie past) or about something that may or may not happen (ie future)? That thought couldn't reference the absolute NOW...it could only reference past or future?

Looking really deeply into that..that does seem to be absolutely true. That made me laugh as I tried to imagine thought being in absolute sync with this absolute moment. I just cannot see how it could ever do that, it's impossible and can only point to either side of the absolute now. Only the past or future, I can clearly see that. Yes just like the commentary of the football match could not be in absolute sync with what was happening, it could only comment on what just happened or what may yet happen.

Beautiful, Sherri…we will have a look at the idea of a past and future a little further on.

[

quote]So where exactly can an “I” be found in actual experience? Experience/THIS is appearing as label + sensation + sound + colour + thoughts ABOUT an “I”…but can an actual “I” be found? Can thought, sound, colour, smell, taste, sensation be living a life?

'I' cannot be found in actual experience. There very definitely is no actual 'I' whatsoever in colour, sound, sensation, taste or thought. Nor can those 'be living a life' they are ultimately labels themselves. I sit as I type this and look for an 'I', literally look...nothing...not a thing... There is no experience of an 'I' at all. It amazes me how this rather large detail could have escaped notice all these years, seems astounding.[/quote]

Haha…yes!

You have seen the nature of thought and you are au fait with what AE is…so let’s move onto the idea of control/choices/decisions.

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.
Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts, examine the actual experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire…

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

Unfortunately it has been a super busy day and I have not been able to give this the attention it requires. I will be able to give it my full attention tomorrow when I am not exhausted and unable to concentrate.

Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

That's fine, Sherri. Thank you for letting me know :)

Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

How is the movement controlled?

I don't 'think' of moving the hand at all in order to make it move, there is no thought involved. If thought had been required to control the movement then it would have taken sustained focused 'thought' on the mechanics of making the hand move throughout the movement, in order to move. Which body movement clearly doesn't require in any way, something that I told myself when I realized that I had put my keys into my handbag without being aware of it, while thinking on something completely different and walking at the same time.

This did throw me through a loop a bit as I have been trying to figure out what is initiating body movement for a while now. For the longest time it seemed like nothing was behind it at all, the body just seems to move. What I can ascertain now is 'intent' seems to be the power, like an 'intent pulse' is sent. I don't know how else to describe it..

Does a thought control it?

Absolutely most definitely not.

I don't 'think' in order to move my hand, there is an intent to move my hand, so subtle that it is almost imperceptible....waaay in the back of the mind. One thing is very clear, thoughts never have any kind of power over the movement, they are not required for movement in any way. They can only rabbit on about how movement is to come or has been done or is being done.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

I definitely cannot find any kind of a controller, absolutely nothing there at all of any description.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Literally no time when that happened. Thought cannot make a decision.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Definitely not. There is no perceptible choice being made at all.



Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

Hi Sherri,

How is the movement controlled?

This did throw me through a loop a bit as I have been trying to figure out what is initiating body movement for a while now. For the longest time it seemed like nothing was behind it at all, the body just seems to move. What I can ascertain now is 'intent' seems to be the power, like an 'intent pulse' is sent. I don't know how else to describe it..

And what is the AE of ‘intent’? What does the label ‘intent’ point to in actual experience?

Does a thought control it?

Absolutely most definitely not. I don't 'think' in order to move my hand, there is an intent to move my hand, so subtle that it is almost imperceptible....waaay in the back of the mind.

What is the AE of ‘the mind’?

Here is an interesting exercise on body sensation and sight.

1. Close the eyes and hold up one of the hands. Pay attention only to the felt sensations ‘of the hand’.
2. Open the eyes, and now observe the hand by looking only.
3. While looking at the hand, pay attention to the felt sensations.
Repeat 1 to 3 as many times as needed and investigate…

Normally we believe that the sensation is coming from the sight, the ‘object’ seen (hand).

But actually, is there any link between the sensation and the sight, meaning that the sensation is ‘coming from’ the sight (labelled as hand) or only thoughts and mental constructs link them?

Can you see that both the ‘visual sight’ and the sensation appear simultaneously but ‘separately’, meaning that none of them is coming from the other or contained by the other?

So they just appear equally, ‘beside’ each other without any hierarchy or link between them?

You can repeat this with all of body parts below, one-by-one. Spend a considerable amount of time on each of them:

- feet
- legs
- arms
- belly
- chest
- head (looking into the mirror)

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

One thing is very clear, thoughts never have any kind of power over the movement, they are not required for movement in any way. They can only rabbit on about how movement is to come or has been done or is being done.

Yes exactly. If thought was the controller of movement, then whenever the thought appeared to move the hand…then the hand would move. When you did the exercise did you notice that when the thought appeared to move the hand…the hand did not always move!

So let’s have another look at the idea of choice.

Do you have any choice, whatsoever, about what you're aware of? If you think that you do, think about this:

If thoughts say, "I can change what I'm aware of by closing my eyes", and suddenly eyes seem to close, and you are aware of only colour black.

Did you REALLY have any choice about being aware of all of that?
Did you have any choice about being aware of the thoughts, or the apparent closing of eyes, or the colour black?
Could you have chosen not to have thoughts about closing eyes?
Could you have chosen for the colour to be green instead?


Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

And what is the AE of ‘intent’? What does the label ‘intent’ point to in actual experience?

No actual experience of ‘intent’. There is nothing there...no sound, no taste, no colour, no sensation. just a label.

What is the AE of ‘the mind’?

Ah….good point...another label for something that doesn’t exist in actual experience. I can find no ‘mind’, no actual experience of ‘mind’. Definitely no sound, taste, sensation, colour...’mind’ literally does not exist.

But actually, is there any link between the sensation and the sight, meaning that the sensation is ‘coming from’ the sight (labelled as hand) or only thoughts and mental constructs link them? Can you see that both the ‘visual sight’ and the sensation appear simultaneously but ‘separately’, meaning that none of them is coming from the other or contained by the other?

I did the exercise with each body part one by one and the results were the same. I found on opening my eyes and looking at whatever part, that the body sensation of that part remained exactly the same. The introduction of visual sight had no effect on sensation whatsoever.

It was very clear that sensation was not coming from sight because it would not have existed before sight was introduced. So one is definitely not the product of the other. Both appearing simultaneously, but separately, I can definitely see that they are not linked and any idea that they might be would be just thought.

Did you REALLY have any choice about being aware of all of that?

Definitely not, I would be aware of it happening but could not change what that awareness was. It just is. I do not see where there could be any choice at all in there.

Did you have any choice about being aware of the thoughts, or the apparent closing of eyes, or the colour black?

Definitely no choice about being aware of the thoughts, they happen and there is no way to be unaware of them. No choice in being aware of the apparent closing of the eyes, you have to be aware of it in the first place in order to make a choice. Really it is impossible to have choice in this at all as awareness is required in the first place for that.

Could you have chosen not to have thoughts about closing eyes?

Thoughts just happen regardless. They cannot be stopped or controlled in any way, so no I could not have chosen to not have thoughts about closing my eyes.

Could you have chosen for the colour to be green instead?

Definitely not. It is black and that is that. It is what it is. No choice or options here.


Overall there would seem to be no choice in what we are aware of, it just is...I wasn't aware of that before (hehe!). At one time I believed that we could change our awareness by changing our thoughts...that seems laughable now.



Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

Hey Sherri,

Wonderful LOOKING...I have no further questions for you with regards to choice/decisions/control...it seems to me that you are very clear about it. Do you have any questions about anything so far?

Let's move on and have a closer look at the body.

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside, the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc.) before replying.

Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

Do you have any questions about anything so far?

Thank you, I feel that I have understood everything so far, and cannot think of any questions. I did the exercise given about sitting with eyes closed, and...

Can it be known how tall the body is?

No, it is impossible to discern how tall the body is as there is nothing actually to even guess a measurement from. The body could be 1ft tall or 100 ft, in this there is no difference.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

Definitely no weight or volume, there is no actual ‘solidness’ in any way.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No shape or form can be experienced, there is only the sensation of the body.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

I did not feel any kind of a boundary in either case, as though it was all one.

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - inside of what exactly? If there is an outside, the outside of what exactly?

I cannot see any kind of inside or outside, there is no barriers to create such a division. The concept of an inside or an outside no longer makes sense to me. Though I do remember when I did believe in some kind of hole in a 'mind' or head with a 'mini me' that qualified as 'inside' and everything else was outside. lol Another crazy thought that I never questioned before, yet has been revealed and dropped through this looking. I am once again blown away and in fits of laughter about how I could not have seen this before, how could there possibly be an inside or outside!

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

It seems to be a label for what is essentially colour, sensation.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

With eyes closed, the only actual experience of the body in this exercise is sensation. It is not experienced in any other way.

While looking as I washed dishes, walked, etc... there was sensation and colour.

Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

Hi Sherri,

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No shape or form can be experienced, there is only the sensation of the body.

Is there sensation “of the body” or there is sensation which thought says points to a body? Does the sensation itself suggest in any way that it is a body? Does the sensation itself know anything about a body?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

It seems to be a label for what is essentially colour, sensation.

The label ‘body’ points to the AE of thought and not to the AE of a body.

Stand up and look straight ahead. How much of the body is still present when you can't see it? Some pressure where the feet seem to be. Some sensations - an itch, a pain, a hot or cold feeling maybe? Isn't it really just a story (ie thought) that there is an actual body present at all?

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

With eyes closed, the only actual experience of the body in this exercise is sensation. It is not experienced in any other way.

The actual experience of the body is thought. Colour isn’t a body, nor is sensation, it is only thought that points to colour and sensation and labels it a ‘body’…so the AE of ‘body’ is thought.

Okay…let’s have a look at the concept of time.

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time or an event that is moving forward on this linear time, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience that the ’now’ is moving along the line of time?
Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?
Any actual experience of one event following another?

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

How long does the ‘now’ last?

Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?

What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or thoughts about ‘time’?


Love, Kay
xx

[Sherri]

Hi Kay,

Is there sensation “of the body” or there is sensation which thought says points to a body? Does the sensation itself suggest in any way that it is a body? Does the sensation itself know anything about a body?

Ah yes, that makes sense. There is just the sensation, which thought says is the 'body'. The sensation is nothing more then just sensation and knows only of itself. Thought labels what that sensation is. I can see that clearly now.

Stand up and look straight ahead. How much of the body is still present when you can't see it? Some pressure where the feet seem to be. Some sensations - an itch, a pain, a hot or cold feeling maybe? Isn't it really just a story (ie thought) that there is an actual body present at all?

Nothing of the body is present when you cannot see it. Just as you describe, some sensation here or there. So yes I can see that the body is a story. We seem to take an awful lot on pure faith and call it fact.


As we are working through this process, I am noticing that a lot is being revealed, like layers are being stripped away. Not only revelations about self's non existence, but also old thought patterns and beliefs, that I was unaware of or could not unravel for years, are just coming up and being laid out clearly and effortlessly. It is extremely exciting, thank you so much for your help!

Okay…let’s have a look at the concept of time.

I would like to spend a little more time with this and get back to you with answers tomorrow. I spent most of the time today working with 'body' and haven't put as much time looking into each of these questions as I would like.


Love,
Sherri

[forgetmenot]

Hi Sherri,

Stand up and look straight ahead. How much of the body is still present when you can't see it? Some pressure where the feet seem to be. Some sensations - an itch, a pain, a hot or cold feeling maybe? Isn't it really just a story (ie thought) that there is an actual body present at all?

Nothing of the body is present when you cannot see it. Just as you describe, some sensation here or there. So yes I can see that the body is a story. We seem to take an awful lot on pure faith and call it fact.

As we are working through this process, I am noticing that a lot is being revealed, like layers are being stripped away. Not only revelations about self's non existence, but also old thought patterns and beliefs, that I was unaware of or could not unravel for years, are just coming up and being laid out clearly and effortlessly. It is extremely exciting, thank you so much for your help!

Lovely! This exploration is all about revealing 'beliefs' that hold the concept of there being a separate self as truth!

I look forward to your responses to time, later on (haha)!

Love, Kay
xx