Newcomer ready for gatecrashing

[Rebban]

Is this where to be? My name is rebecca.

[Cam-RT]

Hello Rebecca...

Your journey has brought you here, what is it you seek?

[Rebban]

I seek a life without rebecca.

[Cam-RT]

Good morning Rebecca...

Commitment is the key here...You need to work daily on this to get results.

Now I do have one little rule...That when I ask you questions, please answer when ready,  with complete honesty, precisely, and what you "feel" is 100% true... 
 
One more important thing to ask is, that whatever teachings, beliefs or spiritual practices, you have acquired along your journey till now; Please put them aside until we are done. They are of NO use here...You can revisit them later if you wish...

In real life "Rebacca" doesn't exist...Never did.

How does that make you feel??

[Rebban]

Hello Cam, good evening here.
(i live in sweden)
I am definitively devoted and will try to write once a day. I will do my absolut best to be honest.

Rebecca never existed, well, intellectually i know that is true, and how does that make me feel ...

Its a little strange but i get physical sensations by examining the feelings coming with that thought. Feelings of dizzines, and a sensation of pressure in my forehead but maybe that comes with trying too hard 'looking' for feelings. I also feel laughing bubbling up ...

The feeling of no-me is a liberating one, like it's easier to breath. I see so clearly how rebecca is standing in the way for a natural flow of life, 'rebecca' being a voice in my head causing shame and guilt, keeping me in chaines, always censoring, valueing. Im so sick of me!!

I will have to work with this question more and get back to you tomorrow. I have to examine and really get in to the feelings you are asking about. How does it make me feel that I never existed? ...

I will continue tomorrow. Good night.

[Cam-RT]

Hello Rebecca,

Feelings of dizzines, and a sensation of pressure in my forehead but maybe that comes with trying too hard 'looking' for feelings.

The body reacts when it perceives fear...Fear itself is not to be feared, It's a Mechanism. Working perfectly as a security system. It's protecting something from being found out...

When you look, just let it be here... Find out where in the body it is being felt, then bring it closer, invite it to share in it's wisdom...It's fine to just let it be...Respect it...Bow to it...Then look what's behind the fear.

I see so clearly how rebecca is standing in the way for a natural flow of life, 'rebecca' being a voice in my head causing shame and guilt, keeping me in chaines, always censoring, valueing. Im so sick of me!!

The prison you speak of is thought...Take a look around the room or outside you can see and touch things....These are real. YOU on the other hand are a collective of thoughts. These thoughts buzz around your mind, sort of like clouds in the sky they come and they go...You are not in control of these thoughts so just let them be...

That's the job of the mind is to think, it's very seductive and easy to get sucked in to these illusions...

So other than all these thoughts, What's behinds them ?

What's in control??

[Rebban]

Its getting quite intense and the body sensations (ie fear) are strong, almost makes me throw up as i "click the + button" zooming in and looking very, very close at those sensations and what is behind them. This overwhelming sense of ickyness stops me from going "all the way", even though i know there is nothing there behind them but emptiness. Its like a black hole sucking me in and there resistance to letting go. (just thoughts, i know)

I see how the "enlightened rebecca-identity" is an expert of more neglecting strong feelings and issues that push my buttons rather than sinking in to them, respecting and inviting them, looking behind, letting them be there for what they are, "just feelings", no more.

I'll stick to the "process" and get back writing. Thank you Cam.

[Cam-RT]

Hello Rebecca...

Here's a quick quote before I start...

"Thoughts are empty projections of the self, their objective is to occupy us not to defeat us..."

Its getting quite intense and the body sensations (ie fear) are strong, almost makes me throw up as i "click the + button" zooming in and looking very, very close at those sensations and what is behind them. This overwhelming sense of ickyness stops me from going "all the way"

You need to look at this like a "War for liberation" this will take courage and tenacity to win...These thoughts are keeping you from seeing the truth, scientifically all a thought is, is a pulse of energy, begging for attention...The more you entertain these thoughts the bigger they get, hence energy building as each thought joins in to protect what's behind it...The key to this is when these thoughts arise is call it out for what it is and This is important ask yourself "Is this true in real life??" expose it and shed the light of truth on it...All that will remain is the truth...

even though i know there is nothing there behind them but emptiness. Its like a black hole sucking me in and there resistance to letting go. (just thoughts, i know)

Exactly there's nothing there...First deal with the bullshit and lies that the mind is blocking you with then LOOK behind these thoughts..."See it" first hand...

looking behind, letting them be there for what they are, "just feelings", no more.

Ya got this a bit backwards, Use these feelings to your advantage... Use the body to help you trace back to these thoughts...Drag them out into the light of the truth, see them for what they are and then move on...These are the chains that are holding you back...Remember the body doesn't lie... It's like if someone was to reach out and slap you. The body's reflex is to raise your hand to block it therefore defending itself...

Try this, it takes repetition but it will serve you well in the future...

Now answer this question, once you've work on this a bit...What's driving these thoughts?

Who or What is " I "??

[Rebban]

Many thanks for great feedback and pointers Cam-RT.
I have been sticking to the process of trying to see What is acting as rebecca, what is watching the trees, what is smelling the roses, what is breathing, walking,what is moving the fingers over the keyboard, and i discover that nobody is doing anything, things just happen automatically. I have no idea who or what is making life happen but there is no me doing anything. It's like i'm just observing life unfolding from this point of view.
...
Nothing or nobody is driving the thoughts and when i watch a thought it disappears.

[Cam-RT]

Excellent Rebbca!!

You did it! You saw!! It's beatiful isn't it!! There's just life that it... No constraints of the mind to hold you back!

So does Rebbca exist?

Was there ever a you?

[Rebban]

no rebecca never existed, just a thought-cloud with a name. There was no sudden realization, it came gradually over the day as i practised the intensive looking as you suggested. The "thought-cloud of me" kind of dissolved little by little and now there is quietness instead, its very still here.

It seems there is a period of adjustment to this new view or whatever to call it. I met my mother this morning (first test ;) and there is no-one pushing all my buttons like her, but there was no resistance at all from my side, there was just beingness there with her. Awsome.

You gave me some really powerful tools, thank you so much Cam-Rt. It feels like questions still will come though. Maybe doubt will appear, i dont know. For now its ... serenity.

[Cam-RT]

Goodmorning Rebbca...

Looking good!! Yup, there's just life...

Alright now I've got a few more questions, feel free to take your time and elaborate as much as you please on these questions...

1) ( one more time for the record.) Is there any real ' I '  in any sense, shape or form?

2)   Explain in detail what the illusion of self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion ?

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you really look?

[Rebban]

I will answer the questions. It will take some days or so ...

[Rebban]

Hi Cam-RT!

I have had the house full of people as my sister-in-law and her kids have visited me and my three teenagers the last couple of days so it has been quite busy so to say. Perfect situation of exploring and diving into this revolutionary new way of experiencing life. Nobody notices anything and there is no need from my point of view to talk about it. Life is fo full of grace if one just lets it unfold without interference.

I have worked a little on your questions and have answered 1 and 2. I'll get back with the rest.

1) Is there any real ' I ' in any sense, shape or form?
No ‘I’, just as a thought, an absolute empty thought with no relevance what so ever. The “I-thought” pops up just as before and it kind of buzzes for a little while but as there is no-one there taking it seriously, believing in it, it doesn’t stick – it just … poff, dissolves and is gone! The recognition of this makes me smile, giggle and at moments really make me roar with laughter.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of self is, when it starts and how it works:
The delusion of “me” starts with … well, actually i have no idea! But I would describe as a pulse or wave of energy creating a thought, just random impulses of the brain at work … and that random thought, if claiming it, might create physical sensations in the body, and as it creates sensations in the body it does feel very, very real and also creates the illusion of separation between this (my) body and other bodies. This cluster of “me-thoughts” creates my “reality” as life is lived through a filter of thoughts and intensifies as I think I can change the thoughts and thereby my reality and more energy I sucked into the process, like magnet.

Maybe this is not the answer to your questions, maybe it will get clearer as there is adjustment to this new world view ;) All for now.

With love and gratitude/rebecca

[Rebban]

3) How does it feel to see this?

I feel peaceful (if that is a feeling ..?) There is rest, there is no stress, there is humour and laughter like never before. Life goes on just like before but there is kind of "no agenda", or at least very little. I am amazed at how i can just sit att watch thoughts pass by, watch the leaves play in the trees, listen to the wind and feel it towards my face. I didn't use to notice those things. There is doing, feelings and reactions but they are kind of impersonal and very short-lived. Instead of planning things there is curiosity of how life with unfold this day ...

to be continued .. good night!