A little push

[Frogman]

Sawadee kap naa Fran! Pom pod Thai nitnoy.

Wont be on the computer today so might or might not write anything til late tonight or tomorrow.

What can be verified. What is true. Keep it simple.



Enjoy yourself!

[Bambaji]

Thanks hon

Haven't a clue what you wrote though!! Can't encourage google to translate it for me either

Have a good day

Xx

[Frogman]

Hey :)

I wrote that I speak alittlebit of thai, lived there for quite a bit a few years ago!

So, the sensation of sitting is quite rich. Staying with the direct experience of whats happening in the body, silence is noticed. The experience is almost of an emergeing. Always there. Noticing happends, usually followed by labelling or a story forming, of what/how its like or what/how to describe it to you. Thoughts seem much less like they have a thinker. Looking at whats been written so far, reading just happends, commentery right after looking at the words as thoughts, reading. The constant silence or presence is noticed at the same time as fingers are moveing over the keyboard and writing and narration as thoughts happends.

A thought, "am I supposed to stay with my focus on this constant ever present silence?" Is it true? Is there an I focusing, its focus? Sending out that thought, posting the question in the sea of nothingness? No one there, just the silence in its place. Where attention goes looking for it, just the silence. Nothing there. No I there. Body is doing all sorts of things without any thougts or I or anything commanding it in the meantime. Just silent presence. Writing, narration, feet adjusting around, head moveing, takeing sips from the glass. It all just happends.

Another thought, "look for I, this is a good time!". Thats one of those sneaky ones. Pulling attention to it and a chain of thoughts about thoughts. Is it true, is it a good time? Can anyone look? Sneaky. Another thought about how I lost it.

Back to the body. Labels are more muddy, like restlessness and such is used. Is that true, what is restlessness? Whats real in the body in a direct way?

Sitting with it all.

Silence is still here. Like a stareing or listening to it. No one is doing it. Its just here. No I can be found its always there, just the silence. No answer, maybe thats whats expected. Some kind of response or answer.

[Bambaji]

Thank you, that sounds calmer!

Still leaving the analysis and intellectualising behind for now, can you say that you have clearly seen through the illusion of self?

With love x

[Frogman]

Haha, well..

If this really is it then, yes definetely.

:)

So what now. Smalltalk? Hows weather in thailand?

xx!

[Bambaji]

Lol, yes, lets smalltalk! It's damn steamy actually, very humid, love it!! When were you here?

And.....back to business :)

I shall ask you 6 final questions and then share your answers with some of the other guides. They may well pick up on things I've missed and ask for more clarity, we shall see. Here we go, take your time, look and reply as honestly as you have been doing:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Much love xx

[Frogman]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No no no no no!

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Wow... The illusion is just an illusion, an idea about something in a fantasyland where ideas and concepts are unquestioned and assumed to be something that its not (not really). It starts when whats true and real isnt looked at directly. When labels or thoughts about whats going on is taken to be true in contrast to what atleast seems more true outside of concept and labels and words. As far as what true means the isness of what is just cant be labeled "truly" it can be talked about in a storyland as communication.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

As far as the story in the head goes its a bit dissapointing, but also funny at the same time. It feels relaxing and vibrant. Right now experience is pleasent and on fire in a very non-intense way, theres just directness, thoughts content seem non existant theres a loop or holding it up against whats direct and true. As far as whats different its hard to say. The label doubt isnt here or rather, belived today. So that assumed sensation in the body isnt here. Haha I dont know what to say about whats different. Stuff seems to have been worked through by this dialog. A sense of relief, just more nonlabeled guudies flowing around. Clearer. Just clearer. Wich is felt as more direct and less cloggy, not really different tho. More unknown and less unknown at the same time!

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Ive been looking and stareing into fear and death and meaninglessness for months. Hitting the silence over and over again seem to peal whats expected and believed and fantasised around everything and anything until what now seems like an oh, id be damned, the "right" answer was there the first time. Whats true, is what it is how could it be anything else, anything else but the direct just direct ISSING about it is the only thing that is. I have no idea what to say here. :)

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

All of those things just happen. Decisions just happen, action happends, thoughts happen. Cant know what makes things happen its just reactions on reactions. Theres no one responsible for anything. Theres no pinnpointing or pointing out when a decision is made or why anything happened really. It can be theorised about in the land of where stuff makes sense or plays after certain rules or where assumptions arent questioned to the absolute. Theres no way to really know what will be written here until something comes out. Then it can be experienced directly, sensations of fingers moveing around, thoughts about what words to "choose", then it just comes out or not. lol.

6) Anything to add?

Effort isnt real. :)

MUCH LOVE

[Frogman]

Lol, yes, lets smalltalk! It's damn steamy actually, very humid, love it!! When were you here?

Oh and hi!

Steamy huh, *imagening steamyness*. Glad you love it, good place to be for steamy humidness! Between 2011 and actually last time just 3 months ago Ive been in Thailand manymany times alittlebit all over the country and for different spans of periods. Last in Bangkok. :)

Holiday? :)

[Bambaji]

I've sent you a PM, look at the top of the page, you should see it waiting

X

[Frogman]

You sure? Cant see any PM in the inbox, could you resend it?

Thanks :)

[Bambaji]

Done x

[Bambaji]

Good morning :)

The other guides have looked at our conversation and there are no further questions, no clarification needed on what you have so clearly seen :) Well done you, thank you so much for your commitment to the process, excellent!!

Our conversation here is now complete. This may seem like an ending but it is really only a beginning.

A few things can happen from here, I will send you a Private Message to let you know what options there are.

Quite soon our conversation will be moved to the 'Archive' section of LU forum, so if you cannot find it in The Gate, it will be there.

Thanks so much honey

xx