Hello,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. It's clearly an illusion, a creation of mind.
It's still difficult to find the words to express this, but with this understanding there can't ever have been!
There was a time when I believed differently, but now its clear that that isn't the case.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience and understanding. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is exactly that. "I' as a fixed, separate, permanent entity cannot be true. There is no fixed self because every cell in the body is in a continual state of flux. This is about interconnectiveness, the delusion that there is a separation between 'me' and 'other', that there is a 'me' to affect the 'world' and a 'world' to affect 'me'.
This illusion is 'useful' for survival. The survival instinct depends upon a believe of the self as independent of everything else. It probably begins to be created at birth when an ego starts to develop, allowing a perception of continuity over time and space.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference (if anything) from before you realised 'no self'?
I think I have had an intuitive understanding of interconnectivity for a very long time. "I've known' that 'I'm not fixed' for many years. Discussing this on this forum has provided a language and a context to explore it in a more specific and complete fashion, and see the extent to which all my assumptions are based on this illusion. It has provided the opportunity to discuss these assumptions. My behaviour has shifted to be increasingly consistent with the understanding of this illusion, particularly in terms of my environmental impact.
There has been no sudden transformative experience, rather a subtle shifting in perspective.
4) Was there something specific you looked into or something that was mentioned that made you fully realise? - Was there a specific moment where you 'tipped over' into realising 'no self'?
There have been lots of mini points in the past when I have had lots of partial understandings. There is a freedom that comes from seeing 'myself' as part of a bigger picture.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control as you understand it now. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please give examples from experience if you can, and explain what you have realised.
There is no fixed 'me' to make decisions or have intentions. They arise from conditions. When I'm thirsty I have the impression that I turn the kettle on, but the conditions leading to this are vast and varied and the conditions that make me do that are vast and varied too. Boiling water doesn't just appear, but due to the billions of conditions, occurrences that come together and without those conditions it could happen but without those conditions it couldn't happen on its own.
As there is no separation between me and other, choices, control and free will emerge out of evolving conditions. "I' frequently feel that 'I'm' in control. When I did the fire I got the paper, matches, wood, so all the conditions that were needed for it to happen and fire has arisen from that, but it wasn't a certainty that fire would happen. What the fire does I have very little control over. Fire doesn't exist separately, the conditions had to come together for fire to occur, it can't exist without the separate elements and the only control over the fire is the confines of the wood burner.
6) Do you have anything further you would like to add?
