If you are ready, come in..

[MerlinC]

yes I still indentify my thoughts as a me but I feel I go back and forth from clearty to repeditive thoughts.

[Ilona]

yes I still indentify my thoughts as a me but I feel I go back and forth from clearty to repeditive thoughts.

And isn't that just another thought apearing effortlessly?
What is that I in this sentence?
Do you expect that once you see that there is no you at all in reality the repetitive thoughts will cease?
Hmm

Is there a thinker or just thinking?
Take a look. In real life, as it is now, is it you thinking? Is me more than just another thought passing by?

[MerlinC]

I guess the I is another thought label that comes up. I feel attached to it out of fear of losing a me. what happens to the self when their isn't a me? I still see that I am a personalty but can see the loop hole of thought but cant take my focuse away from the thinking that there is a me.

[Ilona]

what happens to santa when a kid realises that it's not real?
same happens to a me. what me?

can me be lost?

[MerlinC]

you stop believing in santa and give it alot less focus then before. I dont know if you can really lose the thoughts of me you just drop acting that it is who you are. but if thats true I find this confusing. Where does that leave leave you and your relasionship to thoughts? Do you become free of thought and still have them?

[Ilona]

can you still think about santa even if you know that it's not real? same with me thought, it's here, but it's seen that it points to nothing real, just other thoughts about me.

so when you are gonna take that look? how about now? is there a me at all in reality?

[MerlinC]

Thought is very good at making you think thare is a me but it has to confuse me and direct me into more thoughts, feelings & questions I dont know how to answer and it becomes a snowball effect of struggle and drama. do people have an inner voice or thoughts that do not cause this problem? like what people call intuition?

[Ilona]

You are over thinking it. It's very simple. Look at what is already obvious.
Describe what you see.

[MerlinC]

their is the present awareness,thoughts about whats happening and feelings about thouse experiences, when I think its narrating in my voice so indentification with it is easy and when I try to focus on the now it seems empty and boring. but some times it feels relieving.

[Ilona]

Look a bit deeper, my friend. It's not just thoughts and feelings that are here. What else?
Don't focus on the now, it's a concept. Look behind it. What is direct experience that is going on?

Simple and obvious already.

Direct experience is what goes on right now and it's got nothing to do with thought. Look there. Describe what you see.

[MerlinC]

its experiencing without labels, theirs outside noises but its some how very still.

[Ilona]

Have a look, is there outside and inside.
Sit with closed eyes and see if you can pinpoint the line between here and there.
What do you notice?

Where is sound heard?

[MerlinC]

I see that the thoughts wanted to say my eyes but that would be a label on what is and there isnt an inside and a outside its whole. hearing sounds pass through whats experienced or the mind thinks is good or bad to the person hearing it but they are just thoughts. Im finding that thoughts are like yin & yang.

[Ilona]

how is it going? keep me updated on what you notice through the day. do the work, so to speak. until you see. i can not show you, it's your job to question and answer. so show me where are you at.
what is it that you see, without thinking. describe.

[MerlinC]

I been getting better at being present in the now and it feels as if mind is in a place that it can be seen for what it is and that its not as much thare for you then it is for its own survival. I still have almost full days that I believe in thought but I can tell when Im not fully here in the moment. I kinda fear letting go but I know better then to stay with ego because its like a child that wants something and never gets what it wants. or when it does its not satisfied for long. I been feeling some times that I am focasing in and out of awareness without even doing it on purpose. I here this is awareness has something to do with god but I dont see it as of yet.