Deconstructing the self

[Alexw]

Hi MoonChild,

Good stuff! You are seeing this very clearly now!

Yes, the knowing is the same and only the interpretations differ. Suffering is an interpretation, not the knowing itself. So is really everything that is seemingly derived from direct experience. Anger, frustration, aversion, desire, you name it...

Seeing this clearly is the first step to liberation. You know the way, you now have to walk it.
This implies being alert, being consciously present to now, seeing the game of interpretation taking place and observing it. This observer is a tool, it creates a certain distance between you and the observed. You have found that there really is no distance (and thus also no observer) but don't worry the observer will leave when its time to leave, until then use this tool and look. The more you look and see the faster this process of believing in interpretations will crumble. Its not about getting rid of the interpretation, its about seeing through the beliefs that they are true and that they can make you suffer.
Try to practice this observing/witnessing for a day or two and then please let me know how it is working out.

How do you feel compared to before our dialogue? What has changed? What is the same?
Where do you feel stuck (if anywhere at all)? What kind of doubts remain?

Alex

[MoonChild625]

Hi Alex,

The more you look and see the faster this process of believing in interpretations will crumble. Its not about getting rid of the interpretation, its about seeing through the beliefs that they are true and that they can make you suffer.
Try to practice this observing/witnessing for a day or two and then please let me know how it is working out.

So, I've done as you suggested, just observed for the last few days, and during that time, I also reminded myself: everything is awareness itself, including the character, MoonChild625. This brought about intense curiosity in everything, and at times a clear, wide-open silence, sometimes accompanied by smiling & fascination with everything. The sense of feeling like there's a self/observer here felt very vague & thinned out.

A few times the mind brought up things that are believed to be problems, and it felt like awareness contracted to focus more on the "me" and how it's going to work out the problems. The wide-open perspective was felt to be narrowed, and the relaxation in the body became rock hard tension in the neck, shoulders, and abdomen. But, even though the interpretations reverted back to the label "unpleasant", I had to remind myself that the tension, also, is awareness. There will have to be an ongoing unlearning/dropping of the old labeling/interpreting habits, and "I" will have to remind myself that it's ALL awareness, no matter what. For now, the reminder is successful in inviting a shift into open curiosity, and awe with this newfound understanding.

How do you feel compared to before our dialogue? What has changed? What is the same?
Where do you feel stuck (if anywhere at all)? What kind of doubts remain?

There's more of an expanded sense of awareness, at least when preoccupation with the minds' BS isn't narrowing the attention. Even when feeling expansive, everything goes on just the same, except there's more fascination with even ordinary things. There's still the feeling of being stuck in the same old problems goes on: work, money, health, etc.

So, a few questions: with continued observing & knowing that everything is awareness, does this gradually intensify or deepen? I know it's a somewhat silly question, since it's all been that way from the start, but, we've all been taught to ignore this & learn to be narrowly focused & self-centered. Also, going back to a recent conversation: what did you mean by "true self?"

-MoonChild625

[Alexw]

Hi MoonChild,

Yes, this is a good sign. Follow this curiosity and explore. There is so much more to see when one is open and aware compared to the narrow focussed existence one has been living so far. Sure, this contraction will happen again and again, but simply being aware of it will either dissolve it or you simply realise it as just another form that you take. Ultimately all forms, all contractions and also all openness is something that is temporary - what can change is ultimately only an arising in you, your true nature which is beyond change...

with continued observing & knowing that everything is awareness, does this gradually intensify or deepen? I know it's a somewhat silly question, since it's all been that way from the start, but, we've all been taught to ignore this & learn to be narrowly focused & self-centered.

Well.. you have answered your own question, haven't you?
Yes, it deepens, but sometimes it can also seem that you are going backwards, as if you are identifying again, selfing again. That is fine too, simply see it and be aware of it. If thought story seems to take over, fine, once you realise it simply come back to clear awareness. It will become the "new normal", just like living from the perspective of a separate self seemed normal before... just this time it is freedom and not suffering.

Alex