Seeking myself blind and miserable

[Jchristensen]

Hi John,

I'm not sure if I thanked you enough - but I do now :o) for your help so far.

Just this morning I thought about this losing the of the tension of I.

- It's like having a headache. When I have a headache my perspectitve is more narrow, and I am less likely to appriciate my surroundings.

- I "do" the 50 % less and 50 % more again etc. practice. It works well.

- Everyday I feel the tension of "me" relaxing more and more.

- Much enjoyment.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Juri,

Hi John,

I'm not sure if I thanked you enough - but I do now :o) for your help so far.

Just this morning I thought about this losing the of the tension of I.

- It's like having a headache. When I have a headache my perspectitve is more narrow, and I am less likely to appriciate my surroundings.

- I "do" the 50 % less and 50 % more again etc. practice. It works well.

- Everyday I feel the tension of "me" relaxing more and more.

- Much enjoyment.

It brings me great pleasure to hear you enjoying this effortless approach. :)

With respect to the set of regular sensations and thoughts previously called 'me/myself/I' - does any of that stack up anymore?

Best wishes,
John

[Jchristensen]

Hi John,

Stack up?

No :-). It's almost a funny question, because where or on whom should it stack up ;-).

Of course there's still the habit of Me, but no stacking up, and no fear arises when I notice that the "I" coathanger has fallen off the rack and that the rack is more or less gone too.

No big revolution or drama. But when thinking about it, a great sense of relief... and great humour, seeing how ridiculously funnny a belief (and fear) in a loss an "I" is... when it really just is... unimportant.

No big drama losing or finding myself. Just very natural and a feeling of relief and lessening of a tension.

Good stuff.

/Juri

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi John,

Stack up?

No :-). It's almost a funny question, because where or on whom should it stack up ;-).

Of course there's still the habit of Me, but no stacking up, and no fear arises when I notice that the "I" coathanger has fallen off the rack and that the rack is more or less gone too.

No big revolution or drama. But when thinking about it, a great sense of relief... and great humour, seeing how ridiculously funnny a belief (and fear) in a loss an "I" is... when it really just is... unimportant.

:D Love it.

No big drama losing or finding myself. Just very natural and a feeling of relief and lessening of a tension.

Good stuff.

/Juri

Cool. :)

So, Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Best wishes,
John

[Jchristensen]

No, no, no.It's a joke on me, and a good one too :-).

Where did the idea come from? Hmm... I don't know. I'll let the answer come to me... My besr guess is the idea is sort of "contagious" both on an energetic and - of course - societable - level.. and the energy/(un)consciousness that likes/seeks safty in complying with its caretakers... hapily plays along. Perhaps that's why a fundamental level of security and trust in life is necessary for staying beyong the gateless fate... or actually: "Just" being happy with things as they are.

What you think?

Thanks! Juri

[Jchristensen]

So many spelling/typing errors.. but I AM outside, below freezing and on an iPhone :-).

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Juri,

Below freezing? :) That's no excuse for poor spelling. LOL

Now, move closer to the fire, and share what bubbles up in response to:

- Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

and...

- How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

With kind thanks,
John

[Jchristensen]

Hi John,

It's warmer now that the sun is up :-).

In my own words: The self is like a room with mirrors on all the walls, the cieling and floor. Like a dog barking at its own image, the self ping-pongs confirmation that it's real... and never / seldomly sees though the mirror / window as it can't even imagine that there's other ways of focusing. Like not being able to see "Africa" on a map when standing too close.

If one doesn't have an opportinity to question this perspective it, and other "dream-confirming" entities aka people can happily keep on and with much joy - and sorrow - reaffirm and enhance the illusion.

How do I see this now? Well that was one "room" and now that I have stepped out if the room, the ping-pong is gone. I've always felt that the "normal" perspective was a selffulling profecy, and therefore of course false... so leaning the "I" room is not a surprise.

The subtle change is now, that my defences have accepted this change, and all of me can just relax into being.

Juri

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Juri,

Hi John,

It's warmer now that the sun is up :-).

:)

In my own words: The self is like a room with mirrors on all the walls, the cieling and floor. Like a dog barking at its own image, the self ping-pongs confirmation that it's real... and never / seldomly sees though the mirror / window as it can't even imagine that there's other ways of focusing. Like not being able to see "Africa" on a map when standing too close.

If one doesn't have an opportinity to question this perspective it, and other "dream-confirming" entities aka people can happily keep on and with much joy - and sorrow - reaffirm and enhance the illusion.

How do I see this now? Well that was one "room" and now that I have stepped out if the room, the ping-pong is gone. I've always felt that the "normal" perspective was a selffulling profecy, and therefore of course false... so leaning the "I" room is not a surprise.

The subtle change is now, that my defences have accepted this change, and all of me can just relax into being.

Cool. Sorry, warm. :)

So, what would you say was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Many thanks,
John

[Jchristensen]

Hi John,

RELAXING... has been both the way and the result, and is surely the one quality that for me has opened this new perspective.

But this relaxing is only partly (if at all) a conscious effort (Moderation: The Reduce by 50 %, and the 50 % more etc. is a very good pointer, and so is the "Who is lifting the hand?" pointer.

Mostly I think a combination of "now was the time", patience (my initial shift was preceded by 25 years of honing in on stillness, and followed by an acceptance of that the next dropping off of Me might take another 25 years), a tactile sense of how None-ness feels... and the insistant (but kind ;-) questioning as guided by you... all-in-all simply made Me tired/worn out... and therefore making Letting go the inevitable development.

Who knows if where I am now isn't another room to investigate? Right now I am not, however, in any hurry. Just relaxing :-).

Juri

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Juri,

Hi John,

RELAXING... has been both the way and the result, and is surely the one quality that for me has opened this new perspective.

But this relaxing is only partly (if at all) a conscious effort (Moderation: The Reduce by 50 %, and the 50 % more etc. is a very good pointer, and so is the "Who is lifting the hand?" pointer.

Mostly I think a combination of "now was the time", patience (my initial shift was preceded by 25 years of honing in on stillness, and followed by an acceptance of that the next dropping off of Me might take another 25 years), a tactile sense of how None-ness feels... and the insistant (but kind ;-) questioning as guided by you... all-in-all simply made Me tired/worn out... and therefore making Letting go the inevitable development.

Who knows if where I am now isn't another room to investigate? Right now I am not, however, in any hurry. Just relaxing :-).

Like it. :)

Last couple of questions...

Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

And finally, anything to add?

With kind thanks,
John

[Jchristensen]

Hi John,

It is I who gives thanks.

I hope it's OK I wait till Sunday to look into the questions. Much to do today/evening and Saturday too.

Juri

[s-p-a-c-e]

Just fine, thanks Juri.

[Jchristensen]

Hi John,

I'm back (No, don't worry... not like before ;o).

My initial reaction Friday, glimpsing your questions of "Decision, intention, free will, choise and control" was, that these were just words.

Now that the question has been (a little) on my mind and in my gut over the weekend my respons is, that... these are just words :o).

I might as well say "ketchup, apples, pornografy, murder, pencils, Hello...". Just words.

Nothing makes things happen. Things just... (really "Things just") but if I must add an activating verb... "Things just are".

This wonderful morning a full moon hangs (or really Just is) in the black night sky above me. Doing nothing. Just Moon. Peace.

I am not responsible for anything. However I DO still sense a little hesitation totally trusting that all the reactive hooks of/in the personality energy field body of Juri are all gone... but this will fade in time, as I let go and fall even more into peace.

---

This morning I listened to the (to me) beautiful voice of Snatam Kaur. I like her and the peace she emanates. This peace, it struck me for the first time, and this pointing to it, is still too much pointing. Like pointing to still water and thereby just touching the pond and hence making a slight ripple in stillness. But Hey... (as the rabbi in Indepence Day says, when gathering people to prayer, and someone admits not being of Jewish faith, the Rabbit dryly states: "Well, nobodys perfect" :o).

---

Anything to add? No. Not really. All has been said from day one of our encounter.

But out of normative good behavior and real gratefulness I Do say again: Many, many, many thanks!

/Juri

[s-p-a-c-e]

Thanks Juri - have sent you a PM (private message) - there's a link in the right-hand side by the username.

Really appreciate your energy and attention, it was great fun working with you. :)

With best wishes,
John