Ready for a guide and would be grateful for your support

[leah]

Hi Xain,

I'm here. Sorry for my absence and for breaking our agreement without letting you know what's going on. Not cool.

This last part - moving the arm - has felt less clear to me. And then this weird thing happened the other night when I was just looking at this stuff and then starting crying, then laughing and crying again and I couldn't tell whether it was related or not.

Anyway, I've been looking, so here's my reply to your message before last.

Well did you actually find brain/neurones and impulses? Or are these ideas about what might be responsible?

I didn't find brain/neurones or anything else. They are an idea about what might be responsible for the movement.

You say no 'I' / 'Leah' was found either - So could 'I am moving my arm' or 'Leah is making this body move' but just an idea too? Nothing more than a language convenience?

Yes. This feels clear. The 'I' or 'Leah' being a label for the sake of language convenience feels so true.

Could the arm rising simply 'be happening' without a separate 'I' doing it?

Yes, because there is no 'I' because 'I' is just a label.

And at the same time what you said about neurones / brain is niggling at me. Just because I can't find / physically see the internal workings of the body surely doesn't mean things aren't going on in there. I mean, I'm no scientist / biologist and know very little about the body and how it all works, but I'm pretty sure science says movement is about communication between brains / muscles / external world. Isn't this more than an idea?

1) What can you find CHOOSING the hand. What exactly is making that choice.

There is nothing to be found. There are only my ideas about what is happening - what I talked about above.

2) Do you find a brain, a body, an 'I' / Leah that is actively doing a process called 'choosing'.

No, I don't FIND any of those things - I cannot find or see them doing making the choice.

If not, what could this mean?
Is there an 'I' here right now making the body move?
Is there an 'I' here right now making choices?

No, there is no 'I' here right now or ever. There's only the body here now doing what it does.

Thanks, Xain.

Love,

Leah

[Xain]

Hi Leah

I'm here. Sorry for my absence and for breaking our agreement without letting you know what's going on. Not cool.

It's not a problem - I just wanted to make sure that you were OK - Sometimes fear can come up in the guidance, or uncomfortable things appear which need addressing.

I was just looking at this stuff and then starting crying, then laughing and crying again and I couldn't tell whether it was related or not.

It could be - But it would be unwise to try and 'work out what this means' too much.

And at the same time what you said about neurones / brain is niggling at me. Just because I can't find / physically see the internal workings of the body surely doesn't mean things aren't going on in there. I mean, I'm no scientist / biologist and know very little about the body and how it all works, but I'm pretty sure science says movement is about communication between brains / muscles / external world. Isn't this more than an idea?

Let's address this directly, since many guides completely miss this area. You bring up an important consideration.

There is nothing wrong with ideas.
When we are looking for things we don't assume that because we can't find it, it doesn't exist AT ALL and therefore any statement that says it is must be untrue or false. That is not what we are saying here.
Just because I cannot witness Paris now, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Simply, that my reference to Paris right now can only come from ideas and imagination. Just because a 'brain' isn't found doing something does not mean that the idea that a brain is involved is wrong. It's a very useful idea to a Neurosurgeon! It's just that we don't witness one, or witness it doing things.

The thing is, what we are addressing here is not thought to be just an idea!
The 'I', the separate self, the Leah is assumed to be absolutely real and here right now, isn't it?
If it absolutely real and here right now we should be able to find it, shouldn't we? That would prove it's not just an idea.

Does that make sense?

No, there is no 'I' here right now or ever. There's only the body here now doing what it does.

Just clarify that when you say 'body here just doing what it does', it's clear for you that what is controlling it or choosing it's actions cannot be found. All that can be found are IDEAS about what might be going on. How does that sound?

Let's now move on to thinking and imagination.
I address these in the same way, either an idea appearing about something or an imagined image appearing.
In this inquiry, only examining the thinking process only for your answers.

Inquiry:
1) As you sit there, either think of an idea or imagine an image.
2) As you do that . . . inquire . . . can anything be found in thinking/imagining other than what is thought/imagined?
3) Can what is making that thought/image appear be found?
4) Is there a body, an 'I', a Leah to be found making it happen?
5) Is there a body, an 'I', a Leah to be found witnessing that thought or imagined image?

If you couldn't find what was controlling the arm, can you find what is controlling thoughts?
Are these things controlled at ALL? If so, what did you find in control of them.
Could it be that the arm and the thoughts are simply 'happening'?
And that thoughts aren't being witnessed / experienced by a separate person called Leah?

Xain ♥

[leah]

Hi Xain,

The thing is, what we are addressing here is not thought to be just an idea!
The 'I', the separate self, the Leah is assumed to be absolutely real and here right now, isn't it?
If it absolutely real and here right now we should be able to find it, shouldn't we? That would prove it's not just an idea.

Does that make sense?

Yes, makes sense.

Just clarify that when you say 'body here just doing what it does', it's clear for you that what is controlling it or choosing it's actions cannot be found. All that can be found are IDEAS about what might be going on. How does that sound?

Yes, agreed. This is exactly the way I see it.

2) As you do that . . . inquire . . . can anything be found in thinking/imagining other than what is thought/imagined?

No, only what is thought/imagined can be found.

3) Can what is making that thought/image appear be found?

No. I can't find anything that is making the image.

4) Is there a body, an 'I', a Leah to be found making it happen?

No.

5) Is there a body, an 'I', a Leah to be found witnessing that thought or imagined image?

No!!!!

Could it be that the arm and the thoughts are simply 'happening'?
And that thoughts aren't being witnessed / experienced by a separate person called Leah?

Yes and yes!

Thanks Xain.

Love,

Leah

[Xain]

Ok. Good.

We've done the senses, and whether the senses relate to either a body, an 'I', or anything separate that you could find.
We've done choice and control to see if they are 'being done' be a body, an 'I' or anything separate you could find.
Then we did thoughts - Again, are thoughts being controlled or even appearing to an 'I' or anything separate.
Consider what was clear to you, in your findings as you move on to the next section of our investigation.

Here are some open questions for your to consider - Even if they are more 'open' in style, they are to be addressed in exactly that same way as all the other ones you did - Remember, we are looking for what you can FIND.

1) Throughout this guidance, I asked you to reply to me with what you could find.
Was there ever any choice in what to reply to me?
Can you find an 'I' here right now that makes choices? Has there EVER BEEN a Leah that makes choices?
Has there EVER been a Leah that chose what to reply to me?

2) I asked you to examine to see what you could find.
Has there ever been an 'I', a Leah that looked into these things?
Can you find an 'I' here right now that looks into things that I ask?

3) We would normally say 'I had a choice to come here for guidance'.
Did you have any choice in starting this guidance with me?
Consider - Could it all have 'just happened'?

Has there ever been an 'I' being guided?
Can you find an 'I', a Leah right now that is being guided?

Other than in thoughts, has there ever been an 'I', a Leah AT ALL?

Xain ♥

[leah]

Hi Xain,

I need a bit longer to sit with these questions. Some of the answers feel clear - like is there an 'I' here now that makes choices? No, it's clear there is no 'I'.

But, "did you have any choice in starting this guidance with me?" doesn't feel clear, for example.

I'll write more tomorrow.

Thanks, Xain.

Love,

Leah

[Xain]

But, "did you have any choice in starting this guidance with me?" doesn't feel clear, for example.

Ok. What 'I' can you find making choices?
Do the section on 'choice' once more if you feel you need to - Be certain of what appears clear to you.
Either you can find an 'I' making choices or you can't.
If you can't, what could that mean?

If there isn't one to be found now, has there ever been one?
If there has never been one, what 'I' chose to be guided here?
Could 'I chose to be guided' be just an idea? A thought popping up saying that and no more?

Xain ♥

[leah]

Hi Xain,

Can you find an 'I' here right now that makes choices? Has there EVER BEEN a Leah that makes choices?

No. I can't find an 'I'. If there isn't one now, there never has been. How could there be if it's just a label. It's always just been a label.

Has there EVER been a Leah that chose what to reply to me?

No.

2) I asked you to examine to see what you could find.
Has there ever been an 'I', a Leah that looked into these things?
Can you find an 'I' here right now that looks into things that I ask?

No, because there IS no 'I' or 'Leah' - just words/labels.

3) We would normally say 'I had a choice to come here for guidance'.
Did you have any choice in starting this guidance with me?
Consider - Could it all have 'just happened'?

No, because there is no me to be making a choice. So yes, it could all have just happened :-)

Other than in thoughts, has there ever been an 'I', a Leah AT ALL?

NO.

Either you can find an 'I' making choices or you can't.
If you can't, what could that mean?

If there isn't one to be found now, has there ever been one?
If there has never been one, what 'I' chose to be guided here?
Could 'I chose to be guided' be just an idea? A thought popping up saying that and no more?

I can't find an 'I' making choices. Stuff just happens. I don't know how. But there is no 'I' to decide. What 'I' chose to be guided here? There is no 'I' to be guided here at all. No 'I' chose it and no 'I' was guided.

But holy fuck this is confusing and weird.

Thanks, Xain.

Love,

Leah

[Xain]

But holy fuck this is confusing and weird.

That made me smile - And indeed it is!

How do you feel right now?
Feel free to open up and ask any questions you like at this point.
Anything you don't understand or want to share - Throw it my way.

Xain ♥

[leah]

HI Xain,

How do you feel right now?

Last night I felt a bit 'meh', also a bit angry/annoyed. This morning I just feel as though life is carrying on as usual.

Feel free to open up and ask any questions you like at this point.
Anything you don't understand or want to share - Throw it my way.

Questions? Well, I do have questions, but as I sift through them and ask them, they all seem to end up being irrelevant - like the answer is always the same - stuff is just happening, Leah doesn't exist, stop worrying about it. Make sense?

I guess one thing that keeps coming up is about emotions. If there is nothing separate - I/Leah - here to experience them, how are the emotions felt? Why does it appear that something is sitting there observing them if there is nothing to do so? Why do they feel so real to an 'I' that never existed? Why do they feel like they're happening to a 'me'?

Thanks, Xain.

Love,

Leah

[Xain]

Ok, Leah - Let's go into this in a little depth to try to make things clearer.

Last night I felt a bit 'meh', also a bit angry/annoyed. This morning I just feel as though life is carrying on as usual.

Hmmm . . . interesting . . .
Was the anger or annoyace anything to do with this inquiry? If so, why?
You mention life carries on . . . are you expecting something to 'not carry on'? Something to change?

If you realise there is no 'I', then there has NEVER been an 'I' - Why would anything change (other than to realise this)?

Of course, I fully understand what you mean in what you said . . . but inquire for yourself.
Was there ever a Lead feeling angry (other than in thought).
Is there a separate Leah right now feeling things?

Questions? Well, I do have questions, but as I sift through them and ask them, they all seem to end up being irrelevant - like the answer is always the same - stuff is just happening, Leah doesn't exist, stop worrying about it. Make sense?

Perhaps let me just address 'doesn't exist' for you.
The word 'exist' on its own can tend to mean 'not in any way at all'. But this is a harsh and negative way of looking at things.

We can say 'Santa Claus doesn't exist' but we don't have to tell people this at Christmas time and ruin children's fun.
We still 'play along' and there's nothing wrong with that.

It's more of 'how' things exist.

Santa Claus doesn't exist as a real person - But he does exist as a fictional character - An idea - A myth.
Similarly in this inquiry, you might find that Leah doesn't exist as a real person - But she DOES exist as an idea. In a conventional way to allow communication to happen and the exchange of thoughts.
So if I say 'Hello Leah, how are you' in a normal friendly manner, you have no need to say 'Leah doesn't exist - No-one here is feeling anything' - In a harsh negative way.
Just like Santa Claus, we can still 'play along' . . . but we realise it's only 'playing along' - It's not absolutely real.
There is nothing 'wrong' or 'bad' about thoughts and ideas - We don't need to reject them.
Does that make sense for you?

If there is nothing separate . . .

Just bear in mind that we've gone into speculation here - It's not a problem, but just so you know.

I/Leah - here to experience them, how are the emotions felt?

Can you give me an idea of what you mean, and we can explore it together.
What is an emotion?

Why do they feel like they're happening to a 'me'?

Well experience might have a perspective. Like a feeling (in normal speaking) 'I am looking out of my eyes at the world'.
This perspective can 'shift' later on if you do more inquiry, but this guidance is to get you to a place where it is clear that the body or an 'I' are not responsible for the senses. There is no 'I' or 'Eyes' doing the seeing, other than in thoughts.
A separate 'body' isn't experiencing a separate outside world.
Go through the sense inquiries again if you unsure about this area.
Does that make sense?

Xain ♥

[leah]

Hi Xain,

Sorry for the absence. I just wanted to let you know I've been travelling yesterday and today and didn't find the time I thought I would to reply. I'll be home tomorrow evening and will reply properly as soon as I can.

Thanks and sorry again.

Love,
Leah

[Xain]

No problem. Write back when you can.

Xain ♥

[leah]

Thanks Xain,

Was the anger or annoyace anything to do with this inquiry? If so, why?

Hmmm, well, I don't actually remember now. In any case, I don't feel annoyed now.

You mention life carries on . . . are you expecting something to 'not carry on'? Something to change?

I'm not expecting anything to change. But I'm expecting to have a clear sense of knowing that I see something I didn't see before. I suppose I'm expecting a sense of clarity that the guiding process is complete. Everything has felt so subtle so far. So subtle it feels like I haven't seen anything new at all - just that I always saw/knew what I know now - except I didn't, but it feels like I did. Like it's so boring and uneventful that it feels like I haven't been guided to a realisation at all - except I have, because I know that I saw Leah/I in a different way before. Does that make sense?

If you realise there is no 'I', then there has NEVER been an 'I' - Why would anything change (other than to realise this)?

It wouldn't. And I suppose this relates to what I wrote above. I definitely was having an expectation that the realisation would be a bit more jolting I suppose - like someone just screamed in my face SANTA CLAUS DOESN'T EXIST - and I finally saw it. For instance, right now, I don't know whether I've realised what this process is guiding me to realise or whether we're still at the beginning of this process. Like, is this it? Is the realisation that subtle and gentle?

Was there ever a Lead feeling angry (other than in thought).

No.

Is there a separate Leah right now feeling things?

No.

Perhaps let me just address 'doesn't exist' for you.
The word 'exist' on its own can tend to mean 'not in any way at all'. But this is a harsh and negative way of looking at things.

We can say 'Santa Claus doesn't exist' but we don't have to tell people this at Christmas time and ruin children's fun.
We still 'play along' and there's nothing wrong with that.

It's more of 'how' things exist.

Santa Claus doesn't exist as a real person - But he does exist as a fictional character - An idea - A myth.
Similarly in this inquiry, you might find that Leah doesn't exist as a real person - But she DOES exist as an idea. In a conventional way to allow communication to happen and the exchange of thoughts.
So if I say 'Hello Leah, how are you' in a normal friendly manner, you have no need to say 'Leah doesn't exist - No-one here is feeling anything' - In a harsh negative way.
Just like Santa Claus, we can still 'play along' . . . but we realise it's only 'playing along' - It's not absolutely real.
There is nothing 'wrong' or 'bad' about thoughts and ideas - We don't need to reject them.
Does that make sense for you

Yes, yes, yes. This all makes full and total sense to me. No confusion here for me.

Well experience might have a perspective. Like a feeling (in normal speaking) 'I am looking out of my eyes at the world'.
This perspective can 'shift' later on if you do more inquiry, but this guidance is to get you to a place where it is clear that the body or an 'I' are not responsible for the senses. There is no 'I' or 'Eyes' doing the seeing, other than in thoughts.
A separate 'body' isn't experiencing a separate outside world.
Go through the sense inquiries again if you unsure about this area.
Does that make sense?

It makes sense, yes.

Thanks, Xain.

Love,

Leah

[Xain]

Right now, all your replies are excellent. You seem clear about things.

For instance, right now, I don't know whether I've realised what this process is guiding me to realise or whether we're still at the beginning of this process. Like, is this it? Is the realisation that subtle and gentle?

Was a real 'Leah' ever guided? :)
Did a real 'Leah' ever write a message to me?
Was there any choice AT ALL that this guidance, and you coming here, and all your replies could have been any different whatsoever? Other than, of course, an idea saying that it all could have been?

I am 100% happy to keep looking into things until you are 100% happy as well. I mean that.
Little point in anything else really. I'm here for you until it's certain.
Different people have different reactions to the realisation.
Some are amazed. Some laugh or cry. Some people it's just 'Duh . .. yeah of course'.

Do you have any particular area that you would like to look into or are unsure about?

But I'm expecting to have a clear sense of knowing that I see something I didn't see before. I suppose I'm expecting a sense of clarity that the guiding process is complete.

Is it totally clear that there never was a Leah . . . other than in thought?
Similarly is it totally clear that the thoughts themselves are not created or witnessed by a Leah?
And that any thought with 'I' in it, doesn't point to anything absolutely real? It is 'just a thought / an idea' only?
Is it clear that life isn't being experienced by a body, an 'I', a Leah or anything else that you could refer to?

'The current experience' can be found - A separate experiencer cannot be (only assumed through thought).

Xain ♥

[leah]

Hi Xain,

Ha ha - I think I definitely fall into the "duh" category :-)

I am 100% happy to keep looking into things until you are 100% happy as well. I mean that.
Little point in anything else really. I'm here for you until it's certain.

Thank you. No, it's certain. I mean, I don't know what else there would be. I don't feel unsure about anything.

Is it totally clear that there never was a Leah . . . other than in thought?

Yes.

Similarly is it totally clear that the thoughts themselves are not created or witnessed by a Leah?

Totally.

And that any thought with 'I' in it, doesn't point to anything absolutely real? It is 'just a thought / an idea' only?

Yep.

Is it clear that life isn't being experienced by a body, an 'I', a Leah or anything else that you could refer to?

Also clear.

'The current experience' can be found - A separate experiencer cannot be (only assumed through thought).

Yes, yes, and yes.

Hmmm, what now? Is this like a computer game? Is there a level 2? :-)

Thanks so much for all your time and help, Xain.

Love,

Leah